Wedding

I think it is lovely that your SiL has invited you to his wedding. However, if it is going to make anyone uncomfortable (you, your daughter, his new bride) then you should decline.

Thank you for all your comments. I have decided to go to the blessing as I’m comfortable with that, but not the wedding. I haven’t been able to discuss it with my daughter yet but I will definitely only go if she is ok with it. The split was totally not my SIL fault but out of respect for my daughter I won’t go if she doesn’t want me to. It was so helpful to get other people’s opinions, thank you so much ?

TrishJ I would simply say to him that you feel now is the time to take a back seat. That you will be thinking of them and wish them all the very best for their future but that this should be a special time for the two families to come together.

I also think I wouldn't go because it would make me feel like someone from another "chapter" of his life. I would definitely be touched that he still cared though, and be pleased I'd been supportive of his wife to be.

My ex SIL remains on good terms with my DD, and the rest of our family. Drink problems caused the break-up, but my DD has always spoken well of him to the children. His own family have always looked on him as the man who can do no wrong, and been rather offhand, even with the GC.
He is now a reformed character (as far as I know) and is engaged to a very nice lady. The wedding will be in Australia, so attending it would not be an option. If I was invited, though, and could attend, I wouldn’t hesitate to go. My DD also wishes them well, and hopes that he has learned from his previous mistakes.

Maybe just go to the blessing then. I invited my ex in laws to my wedding party, when I remarried 8 years after being divorced from their son. They were thrilled to be invited, and they came, and I was very pleased they came!

Yes your DD should have first consideration here, because even if she says shes ok with it- well maybe deep down she may not be, and sees it as you putting ex SinL before her-Id also consider his new wife&family- they may be going along with inviting you as hes asked if he can but they may have reservations about it, despite what they say to him- id be inclined to decline all, (& send gift/congratulations) or attend just blessing or just blessing party, not both, just to take gift/give congrats, if at all.

I am sure your ex-SIL has thought of the ramifications of inviting you and I doubt his bride to be would have agreed unless she thought her parents would be happy. Personally, I feel that it is an honour to be invited and I can't see why you think you know better than them about the appropriateness of their guest list. If there are children involved I think it is a good way of role modelling decent behaviour in a divorce unless you think that the invite is a two fingers up to your daughter.

You have been invited to your ex SILs wedding because he has a special regard for you. If it’s ok with your daughter then perhaps attend the nuptials but not the reception which might be awkward for you. This would be on an even keel to show you have no bad feelings towards him.

I never forgave my parents for being pally with my ex husband after our divorce. He had behaved appallingly in the last few years of our marriage. How your daughter feels about it should be the important thing.

It would 100% depend on my daughter.

If she was happy with me going - then absolutely I’d go.

If she wasn’t - then absolutely I would not.

Simple as that

Or do an 'old fashioned' idea if you decline, and send a telegram of congratulations!(do they even still do those these days?)- & send a gift/card too of course.Or attend just the night do if there is one, just to pop in to take the gift/card, and buy them a drink- then cut it short- so he knows you wish them well but its a new start for him.or if you attend blessing instead, again, take gift if you didnt give/send for wedding, but keep your stay shorter.Let him know you consider it his new start with a new family if thats how you feel, let him know this.

Can you be honest and voice your opinion that the wedding is a new start and that you will feel out of place there?

Then go to the blessing and party.

Although perhaps you should take into account that wedding guests are often people who really belong to the past.

I invited a lady we didn't often see because she was a close friend of my aunt and had known me since I was a child.

I realise this is not the same, but it is worth considering the point already made, that they are inviting you because they want you there,

If the idea really makes you uncomfortable, send your regrets pleading a former engagement on their wedding day, but do then remember for ever what it was you attended that day!

I would go to the blessing rather than the actual wedding myself more informal affair.
If u have maintained a relationship and met his new wife to be and get on well with her,l presume your daughter is ok with it already.So l dont see an issue.

The ex sil may be happy having you there, but has he considered whether his new in-laws could feel awkward or embarrassed? I think in your situation I'd be looking for a way to excuse myself from the situation. Something just doesn't feel appropriate about it.

As long as your DD is happy (and I guess that she must be ok with you still keeping in touch with her ex. , I'd go to the blessing and just send a note or call to explain why .
If he sees you as a friend, he should accept your decision - or maybe he was expecting this hence the two invitations.

I think I would graciously decline, wishing them a lovely day and a long and happy marriage.

It's a huge compliment to be invited in such circs. So often divorce is shrouded in families each taking sides, often with reason, it seems to them. But I echo others who suggest your daughter should have a big say here. We don't know the circs of the divorce, but very clearly you have behaved impeccably throughout - well done.

I agree with what Redhead56 says.

I tend to enjoy keeping all relationships open. This sounds both pleasant and complimentary. I would of course run it past my daughter but, assuming we currently have a healthy relationship, I would probably know her thoughts on the matter anyway.

See what your DD thinks. Well done to you for keeping a good relationship going. Do you have GC and will they be there?

You feel uncomfortable, so I would go with your instincts. Send a card and wish them well.

People do not usually invite others to big events unless they want them to be there. so accept that he, and his new wife, both want you there. If you don't feel comfortable going then give your apologies along with your best wishes.

Personally, I try to go to all such events when I am invited on the grounds that if I am invited someone wants me there but accept that others don't have the same philosophy.

I really don't know what the correct thing is. Could be he thinks of you as a friend now, rather than the ex-MIL? How would your daughter feel?

I personally wouldn’t think it appropriate but there we go all different

Just go to the evening do.
That would be my advice.