Birthday gifts. When to stop?

I only buy for grandchildren but as my son does not gave any I buy for him and his wife.

I don’t have children but, if I did, they’d be aged 25-40 by now. I would make sure they knew I hadn’t forgotten their birthdays as the day is important to them. Even if all I did was invite them for tea and cakes or a meal cooked in their honour. It’s lovely that you give them money....do they always let you know what they spend it on. If they don’t I would, definitely, move on from that.
I love gifts presented with the words, ‘I saw this and thought of you.’
Time together is the best gift, especially if organised by the giver.
If I had grandchildren....obviously I don’t, I would try to be mindful that I would not be the only grandparent. Also, it is difficult to keep up with the likes and dislikes of youth. Again, time spent with them is special. Especially if it is them without their siblings....it’s their special memory. Sadly, and I’m not trying to be ‘woe is me’ I never got to meet my grandparents.
In essence, what I’m saying is......time shared, memories made are of more importance than objects however thoughtfully chosen and given.
But...hey.....that’s just my opinion.

Thank you all so much. I think I will carry on and probably increase the amount after reading your opinions !

I always give my children and GC £50 each for their birthdays but presents at Christmas. When I was younger and didn’t have money for treats I always spent any birthday money I received on myself to show them that was the present and I ask them to do the same.

Can you afford to give them the money? If so, why not carry on? I am assuming you get on with them.

If you can't afford it, tell them. I feel they will understand.

If you don't want to give as much as £50, why not do as others have suggested? Wine, chocolates or something else that you think they would like.

I think it would be a shame to give them nothing.

I have been giving my daughter in law a voucher for years. Then my son told me not to give her a voucher as she just spends it on the kids. She doesn't like plants and is an Avon lady, so I am completely stuck now. What's left!

On a slightly different note, when to stop presents for my, and my DH’s (much) wider family? Our nuclear family is just us and DD. Used to follow my mum’s practice of giving at Christmas and birthdays till they got married, and after that give to the children, not them. But waters now muddied with many not marrying, or having stepchildren making for a big present buying load (can’t not buy for the steps if buying for the others) . Would feel more gracious if ever got a thank you note, or even a message to say they had arrived. Especially as never see them, even in normal times from 1year to the next and have no idea of their tastes. Not keen on sending vouchers, would have to send more than I usually want to spend!!

Give whatever you can genuinely afford. If times are tight, give less. If good, whatever you are comfortable with.

We have 'family money' as if we don't give it to our children/grandchildren now, they'll get it when we pop our clogs (- the taxman's cut!).

I still give presents to my son on his birthday and he's in his thirties,but now only small gifts . He earns more than I do and so he usually buys what he wants when he wants!
I have sometimes bought him vouchers for meals out, and experiences , paid for entry into sports he enjoys etc.

I agree there’s pleasure in giving but with four children and then partners it adds up. I used to do them all stockings at Christmas but took me ages and started being very expensive (and not always appreciated - see my previous post!)

I always buy nice presents for our only DC, and now for her lovely partner, together 7 years. Usually ask what they would like. They were renting and sharing, so didn’t want “stuff” as nowhere to keep it, but have just bought a flat (with a hefty mortgage heavily supported by us) with a little garden. Knowing they like pizzas, I offered to buy them one of those new nifty new tabletop pizza makers, not the top of the range, but still pretty generous as a gift, I thought. Was a bit crushed when they said he wanted a Corten steel one costing 4 times the price, a bit ungrateful, I thought. Anyway, I said (truthfully) that I couldn’t afford it. Wouldn’t spend that on a barbecue for us, why should I for them?

I love vouchers .. usually M&S ! You can use them for anything depending on your financial state! How nice to put it towards a cashmere sweater perhaps which otherwise would be out of price range. ! Money is more difficult and often gets put in pocket and not used on desired item!

I’ve got four adult children and always ask if they want something in particular or money towards something. Same with our two young grandchildren as they have so much! We’ve always been very generous in the past but sadly find it more difficult now we’re retired.
Was upset a few years ago when D i L gave me bag for charity shop which contained Xmas gifts and stocking fillers (not tat BTW!) I’d given her and my son. Makes me think twice about amount I spend and to ask!

I still give my DD and SIL money at Christmas and Birthdays and they are in their forties. Their 2 children cost a lot of money these days to keep up with various things they need. So I find for them to be able to have a treat is really appreciated. Other members of my family my niece and nephews I stopped when they became 21.

Once we left school, started work then presents stopped. My friend would buy me a present from her two daughters every Xmas, I've said for her to stop, but she won't hear of it. Her daughters are adults now, one is now living with her partner and due a summer baby so that means there will be more of them this Xmas. I need to have a word cos I really can't afford presents for 4 of them now as I'm in my own & have to watch the pennies. I just hope she will listen to me this time, can't see it though.

If they still buy you presents then it would be rather mean to stop unless you cannot afford it , in which case talk to them well before their birthdays

I give gifts (money for birthdays, small gifts and money for christmas) Its for my pleasure.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I have one adult daughter and two teenagers and I would always buy them birthday and Christmas gifts (money) no matter how old they get!

I also buy birthday and Christmas presents for my eldest daughter's partner and now my grandson. I recently stopped buying for my adult nephew, both for birthday and Christmas, as he never sent me a birthday card and I never got any thanks for either his birthday or Christmas present so I just stopped doing it. My brother (his dad) still buys for my eldest (adult) daughter but I wouldn't expect him to.

The message of giving seems to have got lost somewhere here. Giving to friends and family is full of joy for me, I love it. Yes as the grandchildren get older, money is best because we just don't know what they like. As they become their own families, it's a downgrade. But certainly not nothing. The only problem is if you haven't got a lot of money to spare. Then give them a £20 Amazon gift card., It is something to open rather than money. It's the pleasure of pleasing that is most important. It doesn't have to be much.

We give birthday presents to our daughters and their husbands/partners and they are two in their 40s, one going to be 39 in June (her husband is 51 tomorrow). We have to send money to the youngest and her husband as they are in Singapore but the others all get things, by negotiation. It was my birthday yesterday and all the "girls" sent carefully chosen presents.

I would doubt whether Amazon or Marks and Spencer would crash without a great deal of notice but thanks Calendergirl for the dismissive post and for assuming I don't know about the dangers of vouchers. Rather unpleasant.

Calendargirl

^I rarely give money, but give a mixture of vouchers, useful and silly gifts^.

I can’t understand why people give vouchers nowadays. If the firm goes bust, they are wasted, and to me, a £20 M&S voucher is no different to a £20 note, and far less versatile.

Martin Lewis says don’t buy vouchers.

I give my siblings vouchers rather than cash as it’s a way of making sure the recipient buys themselves something rather than just adds the cash to the household purse. But I do ask each person what shop they would like a voucher for and this Christmas they were all cautious about picking somewhere safe so it was Amazon, M&S and John Lewis. The vouchers tend to get spent very quickly!

For my adult children, it depends on how generous I am feeling, some years they get a voucher, other years a more substantial amount of cash as they are all in their 30’s with hefty mortgages so I enjoy helping out and at the same time giving them some inheritance early! This year I has spare cash due to cancelled holidays and a non existent social life so all three of them got a much appreciated bonus.

Everyone also get a small token present so they have something to open on Christmas Day. I buy birthday gifts though, not vouchers, and this year my siblings got online food
presents which were sent direct to their houses.

I rarely give money, but give a mixture of vouchers, useful and silly gifts.

I can’t understand why people give vouchers nowadays. If the firm goes bust, they are wasted, and to me, a £20 M&S voucher is no different to a £20 note, and far less versatile.

Martin Lewis says don’t buy vouchers.

I would feel really miserable if I didn't give gifts to my own children even though they are middle aged. We usually discuss what they would like and then I'll buy a few little extras as well. I enjoy it. The same applies to my grandchildren, all young adults now.