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Birthday gifts. When to stop?

(96 Posts)
Annlilyoliver Tue 20-Apr-21 06:47:18

I have always given fifty pounds to my adult son and same to his wife on their birthdays They are in their mid thirties now I feel it’s unnecessary but I don’t want to disappoint them when they open the birthday card ! Any suggestions for the way forward ?

kittylester Tue 20-Apr-21 06:55:27

Talk to them about it!

We always buy our children and their partners a birthday gift- it's a celebration after all.

We only buy for children at Christmas.

annsixty Tue 20-Apr-21 06:56:17

If you can afford it I would carry on.
If you can’t ,just tell them that it is straining your resources and I am sure they will understand.
A box of chocs or a bottle of wine would be a nice gesture.

Lollin Tue 20-Apr-21 07:00:26

If you are crafty maybe replace with something homemade? Otherwise just say. They are old enough to understand. It might be good to know in advance if they usually include your gifts in their budget to be forewarned.

Calendargirl Tue 20-Apr-21 07:10:54

I get the impression it’s not the affording, it’s more it seems rather irrelevant as they get older.
I always give my adult children money, they don’t need it and I imagine it just gets spent on nothing specific, but I would feel bad not giving them anything.

annsixty Tue 20-Apr-21 07:25:50

I am generous with my S and D at both Christmas and Birthdays, they really can use the money but at my age I see it as forwarding a little of what hopefully they will get when I die.

Chardy Tue 20-Apr-21 07:25:58

I gave up giving presents to my extended family when they started work - siblings and my own children only.

TrendyNannie6 Tue 20-Apr-21 07:33:12

We have always given our AC and their partners money on birthdays and Christmas

NannyJan53 Tue 20-Apr-21 07:35:53

My two children are in their 40's. I still give them money for Birthdays, but only give to the grandchildren at Christmas.

mumofmadboys Tue 20-Apr-21 07:41:09

We give money to our kids at Christmas and birthday. They are grateful as some of them haven't much money. I wouldn't ever want to stop, while we can afford it

Kim19 Tue 20-Apr-21 07:45:23

I always give cash to my C for their birthdays. I find it convenient as I'm totally out of touch with their individual tastes in all arenas. However, if I see or think of some item I'd particularly like them to have, I throw that in for good measure. Makes me happy and hopefully them too.

Froglady Tue 20-Apr-21 08:03:21

I always give to my sister, nephews and nieces and their children. There was a time when money was very, very tight and they still got a present but it hadn't cost very much and they were aware of my situation. When things improved then the cost of the presents increased as well as I could afford it then.
I try and increase the value every few years.
I can't see a time when I will stop giving them presents as it gives me great pleasure to buy things for them.

Jaxjacky Tue 20-Apr-21 08:33:19

Still buy presents for my children, both early 30’s but never money, I see no reason to stop, they still buy me presents too.

Sara1954 Tue 20-Apr-21 08:41:09

I give my three children and grownup grandchildren £100 each on their birthdays, unless they request anything specific.

sodapop Tue 20-Apr-21 09:13:46

I agree with annsixty if you can comfortably afford it carry on, if not talk to them about it.

Grandmabatty Tue 20-Apr-21 09:25:14

I give to my adult children at Christmas and birthdays. I rarely give money but give a mixture of vouchers, useful and silly gifts. Why wouldn't I? They are still my children and I can afford it. I don't give money as they both earn well. Is it the gift aspect or the money part you are having difficulty with?

Lovetopaint037 Tue 20-Apr-21 09:39:07

If you can afford it carry on giving but if not scale it down or stop it with an explanation.

timetogo2016 Tue 20-Apr-21 09:49:44

I still give my 2 son`s money/gifts for Birthdays and Christmas
as i do with dil`s and g/children,and will do so until i die.

MagicWand Tue 20-Apr-21 10:00:03

We still give money to our ACs and their partners for Christmas and birthdays.

I was always very grateful to my in laws for the money that they gave us on those occasions as our finances were really tight at times.

Now my DMiL still gives me money for my birthday, I tell her it is my theatre fund, I go with my theatre buddy as DH has no interest. Money for Christmas is always joint between DH and I so birthday money just for me always seems special!

Redhead56 Tue 20-Apr-21 10:01:51

I have really spoilt my DS and DD and their partners this year more than ever. I usually give them £50 so they can buy what they want I buy a little gift too. They are in their thirties and I love them so as long as I can I will I spoil the GC too. It depends on your circumstances doesn’t really I am comfortable now so I like to share it.

M0nica Tue 20-Apr-21 10:20:21

What has a person's monetary situation got to do with whether you give them presents or not?

DS will be 50 this year, his present is already stashed away in a wardrobe. Christmas or birthdays we always ask DC what they would like, it may be a book, a meal out, or a visit somewhere. Sometimes we give them the item and at other times we send them a cheque for them to get it themselves.

Why not talk to your DC about this? They may be untroubled if they do not receive them, or possibly these gifts could be deeply significant and important to them for what it represents rather than its actual monetary value.

henetha Tue 20-Apr-21 10:25:19

I would feel really miserable if I didn't give gifts to my own children even though they are middle aged. We usually discuss what they would like and then I'll buy a few little extras as well. I enjoy it. The same applies to my grandchildren, all young adults now.

Calendargirl Tue 20-Apr-21 11:02:55

I rarely give money, but give a mixture of vouchers, useful and silly gifts.

I can’t understand why people give vouchers nowadays. If the firm goes bust, they are wasted, and to me, a £20 M&S voucher is no different to a £20 note, and far less versatile.

Martin Lewis says don’t buy vouchers.

Teacheranne Tue 20-Apr-21 12:14:36


^I rarely give money, but give a mixture of vouchers, useful and silly gifts^.

I can’t understand why people give vouchers nowadays. If the firm goes bust, they are wasted, and to me, a £20 M&S voucher is no different to a £20 note, and far less versatile.

Martin Lewis says don’t buy vouchers.

I give my siblings vouchers rather than cash as it’s a way of making sure the recipient buys themselves something rather than just adds the cash to the household purse. But I do ask each person what shop they would like a voucher for and this Christmas they were all cautious about picking somewhere safe so it was Amazon, M&S and John Lewis. The vouchers tend to get spent very quickly!

For my adult children, it depends on how generous I am feeling, some years they get a voucher, other years a more substantial amount of cash as they are all in their 30’s with hefty mortgages so I enjoy helping out and at the same time giving them some inheritance early! This year I has spare cash due to cancelled holidays and a non existent social life so all three of them got a much appreciated bonus.

Everyone also get a small token present so they have something to open on Christmas Day. I buy birthday gifts though, not vouchers, and this year my siblings got online food
presents which were sent direct to their houses.

Grandmabatty Wed 21-Apr-21 09:38:32

I would doubt whether Amazon or Marks and Spencer would crash without a great deal of notice but thanks Calendergirl for the dismissive post and for assuming I don't know about the dangers of vouchers. Rather unpleasant.