Boundaries

grandtanteJE65

I was in a somewhat similar position years ago.

Finally, I more or less had to back down in order for a disagreement between me and one relative not to escalate into a row involving the entire family.

It took me a long time not to feel resentful that even the members of the family who said they understood my point of view, obviously were not prepared to say that to the other party to the quarrel.

I hope you don't end up in the same situation. I think you did the right thing, but family relationships can be so difficult to negotiate safely.

I so agree, family relationships can be so difficult. Well done you Grandtante in this situation.
Well done florencerosie for sticking to your guns and keeping cool.
Each situation requires an I individual response.

I was in a somewhat similar position years ago.

Finally, I more or less had to back down in order for a disagreement between me and one relative not to escalate into a row involving the entire family.

It took me a long time not to feel resentful that even the members of the family who said they understood my point of view, obviously were not prepared to say that to the other party to the quarrel.

I hope you don't end up in the same situation. I think you did the right thing, but family relationships can be so difficult to negotiate safely.

Your OH is right, he does need to know he can't keep shooting his mouth off. Like someone in my family - most of us are no longer on speaking terms with that person, or those who defended what the person said, which was inexcusable.

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Thank you ladies for your replies. Vampirequeen - I also said to him if I said something to your son and unintentionally offended him, I would apologise and explain that I really didn’t mean to offend you.

I actually now feel better and lighter for telling him. I was reading that if you always just let people say what they want and not say how you feel, if they don’t accept that, then you’ve only got a relationship on their terms which isn’t healthy.

Well done. No matter how he 'meant it', he upset you, your DH and your DS. Even if you hurt someone by accident you should apologise.

Typical narcissistic gaslighting - well done you. Non of this was your fault, your son has every right to choose not to have his business discussed.

Well done !
Why on earth should his uncle be anything other than support in such a difficult time.?
Ridiculous.

I think you did brilliantly.

Unless your children have broken the law, in which case you get a Solicitor to defend them, you should always defend your children.

Good for you. One thing I never really got over was my late mother's lack of loyalty to me, I was very sad to find out she had not defended me when necessary.

No experience like that but just want to say well done.