I am really struggling at the moment and hope you can help me see the wood from the trees. I am mid 50's, have 3 living adult children and sadly lost my second child at birth. The children were all to my first husband who I met at school and was with for nearly 20 years until we divorced, having never recovered from the death of our daughter. He was a good husband and father but we just grew apart following the tragedy. I had a few other relationships, whilst raising my children who are now successful adults who I am so proud of. What I am not proud of is myself. I met my 2nd husband nearly 9 years ago and everything was good at the start. Alarm bells did ring a bit when he admitted he had been married twice before and his adult children to his first wife, refused to speak to him or see him. He blamed his first wife from brainwashing the kids. However having lived and been married to him for 6 years now, I believe there is a lot more to this than he is ever going to admit.. I am a strong woman who has not only lost a child but my first divorce ended up being very stressful, my mother died of cancer, my beloved father developed dementia and at the end, literally starved himself to death (he was in a care home but just refused laterally to eat), I developed breast cancer after he died (caught early so I am fine), daughter developed anorexia due to pressure of med school, etc etc. Meanwhile husband no 2 has shown his true colours as somewhat of a bully, treats me like a modern day slave, and is very controlling money wise and in other ways. His late father was the same. Having been independent for many years whilst raising my children as a single mum, I have found all of this unbearable. Had he been a loving, caring man to me, I could coped. However he has shown very little concern or caring for me during the above, even walking out after I came out of hospital post breast operation, as I criticised something minor he had done. He has always been a good sulker and always thinks he is right and knows everything. He is also very lazy.... a week before we got married, he took early retirement at age 58, and has done nothing since. I own the house we are in outright but he pays the bills, food etc from his pension. He moans all the time about money, penny pinches and when arguments occur (which are more and more ) he continually throws in my face that "his money is keeping me", though he seems to forget it is my roof over his head. I am cash poor and totally rely on our joint account which he watches like a hawk and I have to justify even food bills. However all this paled into insignificance when during a heated argument, I wanted out of a doorway which he was blocking, I tried to push him out of the way to let me past and before I knew it, he grabbed me, totally lost his temper, had me in a headlock and then threw me across the room. I very nearly went head first into a glass door but my head struck the wooden fascia instead. I lay there completely dazed and frozen in shock and pain. Meanwhile husband is now sitting on the sofa watching tv. I got up. Took myself off to the spare room. He never apologised, never came to see I was ok and since then, when I bring it up, he says he reacted like that as I pushed him!!! I have never experienced anything like this and I just cannot get over it. Since then, there has been a lesser force used against me but again another troubling experience. He seems to be completely unable to accept responsibility for any of his actions, either minor or serious and I just cannot live like this. I have confided in one close friend but though my children know I am unhappy, they have no idea 're the abuse above. I am ashamed and embarrassed. My mental health has really suffered and I have struggled. I now feel that I do not want this marriage anymore but fear for the future. I know I will have a fight on my hands 're the house which is totally in my name but he will have a right to some of the assets from a sale of it, though presumably the same applies to his pension, investments he has etc. I just feel ultimately a failure that I chose this man and ashamed that my kids are going to have to witness another marriage of their mother's going down the pan!! What sort of example am I to them when it comes to relationships? Should I just plod on or should I bite the bullet and divorce?? The one thing which I have done since the start of the year is I have moved into the spare bedroom and have no intention of moving back. He seems to have accepted this, though it was a struggle. I am not advocating by the way that I am faultless but advice please would be appreciated
