Can't understand best friend's thinking

Thank you Bluebells and welbeck. she has apologised profusely. Bluebelle, I just don't know but don't think so xx

I have read through your post again and I m now reconsidering
Why would your husband go off in her car without telling you he was going with her to do a, b or c that’s doesn’t fit does it ?

You say they came back eventually how long is eventually if she only took him to a side road to give him the bag he’d have been gone 5 minutes

She had him at the doorstep alone why drive him anywhere why not just throw the accusations and bag at him there on the step ?

I d be very cautious of your husband in this debacle Could they be having an affair and it’s all a cover up

i would just try to get her to admit what she said, in text/email, by apologising for it, so you have some proof, if ever it becomes an issue later on.
you could say you understand she was going through a rough patch, but it really stunned you when she accused you of carrying on with her husband.
then, hopefully she will reply by acknowledging it was nonsense.

Thank you all again for your valuable and honest advice. Forsythia, I note what you are saying and don't know the answer. I will definitely though keep it in mind. I am losing trust in everything around me and questioning everything. This is not who I am normally. So much hurt.

This woman has problems but it's not up to you to solve them. Keep your distance and I hope you feel better soon.

I’ve just read your other post on your other thread about your husband. Could there be more to it? Are they cooking this up together for some reason? Only you will know the likelihood of that but it all seems too much of a coincidence to me.

your husband should not be getting in her car and going anywhere with her.

If your trust in this friend has been broken, I'd just avoid/ignore. Seems she has a track record of this. Id be on tenterhooks wondering what she would do next. Up to you but personally I would not be interested in being friends with a person who spreads rumours, she is dangerous.

If it were me, I’d just quietly drop her. Don’t text, phone or whatever. Nobody needs this in their lives. Who knows what her next accusations may be? You can always say you’re focusing on your own family. Be sure to tell your husband that you are dropping her and why. I hope he supports you.

Clearly this lady needs help but it's not for you to support her that is for others.
Look to your own life and family and avoid this lady, sometimes it's best to move on.

Thank you nonogran. I don't thrive on drama and just want a happy peaceful life but do find it goes against my beliefs to turn my back on people but you are right that I need to be in a stronger place myself x

Dump her until you've got yourself sorted out. You need peace & calm around you right now.
Keep out of her way. If you don't, we can only assume you thrive on drama. This is your time to look ahead - don't get dragged down by her issues.
I hope life works out ok for you. Keep us posted.

I find this all very sad. My Mum lost a lot of friends when she had her mental breakdown. If you can support her but not at the expense of your own mental health. Don't abandon her altogether. She has apologised and accepted she needs help. By all means keep your distance but try to keep in touch.

Keep well away from this ' friend'. You have more than enough sorting your own life out just now !!!!! She may well be ill but that is not your responsibility. Look after yourself , that is your priority at the moment.

You can’t report her for what to whom ? and you can’t ring mental health or her Gp (she has to do that)
I m glad she’s apologised but as others have said unfortunately she may have another ‘episode’ whatever may be causing it (does she do drugs ?)
I would acknowledge her apology and tell her she has done the right thing in recognising and looking for help but tell her you won’t be in contact until she is in a better place as you can’t risk your own marriage and life and then keep well away

Have you spoken to her husband ?

At the very least he should be told what she has done, if she has problems then he is the one to help her, not you.

Cut her off now and don’t fall for her apology.

Thank you madgran77, I think your advice is spot on and will heed your valuable advice xx

It is good that she has apologised but I think she needs to get support from elsewhere and you need to concentrate completely on what is happening in your own life and sorting out your own situation as discussed in the other thread.

I suggest you agree with her that she needs therapy or counselling; tell her that you can't be a listening ear at the moment because you are dealing with your own life; don't tell her anything else about your situation, as she appears not well herself, you can't be sure she wont tell your husband; and then back off and focus on sorting out the very difficult situation that you are in

Thank you for all your advice. She is 54. I think she has many issues but has before been a good friend. She has now texted and apologised, saying she needs therapy. I feel bereft, trying to empathise but feel my trust has Neen broken

Kamiso

Jealousy is a truly evil thing. It distorts people’s thinking and therefore their actions. Glad at least that your OH believes you. For everyone’s sake, including hers, it does need to be reported.

Reported to who? What crime has been committed?

Not a friend I would want. Not only has she done many things in the past which a true friend wouldn't do but now this. I'm surprised she has you or any friends.

She’s not your best friend Susy! Heaven help you if she is!

I'm thinking the same as dragonfly46.
I've known a few women who have been way out of character during the menopause.
One friend kept leaving her husband for another man, then going back, leaving again, and so it went on. She finally settled back down with her husband.
I've heard of women shop lifting who I'd never imagine would do that in a million years, and were well off.
I would go no contact with her for the time being.

A similar thing happened to me with a work colleague, and I'd never even met her husband.
I wasted a lot of time and emotion trying to convince her she was imagining it all - but it was a mistake and only made things worse. Cut her off, as everyone is advising. The more you protest your innocence the more she'll be convinced she's right.
Delete her phone number, do not contact her in any way however much you want to help her. She needs professional help, but I'm not sure what you can do about that, others may have that knowledge.
It's horrible when you lose a friend this way, like a bereavement.

How old is your friend? When my mum was going through the menopause she too believed all sorts of things. She accused me of giving her door key to strangers, she thought people were following her and my dad was trying to poison her. Eventually a psychiatrist was involved and she was put on anti depressants which of course slowed her down but after taking one tablet she rang me and said she realised it was all in her head.

She never completely recovered as she stopped taking the tablets after a time so she was always a little suspicious but never as bad again.

It sounds to me as if your friend has a mental illness.