Best way to announce wedding plans to former in laws?

Either a formal identical notification to the whole gang

"I just want to let you know that N.N. and I are getting married on (date).

As it is a second marriage for both of us the ceremony will be private.

Or a postcard from wherever you go on your honeymoon stating N.N. and I were married last week, as perhaps the kids already have told you.

If you are feeling very forgiving to those who didn't bother to offer support when you were widowed ( I wouldn't be) add drop in for coffee between 3 and 4 next Saturday at our address.

Congratulations to you both.

I see no reason to make a formal announcement. Add a note next time you are in contact eg Christmas. If you are not in contact with some of them, don’t bother.

I wouldn’t worry about it, your children will probably already have told the in-laws about he new man, marriage is the natural next step. Just maintain existing contact routine, it’s up to them if they change their attitude, as you said it’s several years, why would reasonable people object.

I would send them hand written notes and just say you have some happy news you want to share with them. Having told them the news you could say something like 'I will obviously always miss X but know he would want me to make the most of the rest of my life.' Wishing you every happiness in the future.

I don't think it is any one else's business only your's and drop them a card after the wedding.
Very best of luck for the future.

Just a ‘fait accompli’.

I partly agree with what BlueberryPie said, in that if you send cards out beforehand, the ex relatives might mistakenly interpret it as a wedding invitation.

If you do it afterwards, there would be no misunderstanding.

I don’t think it is necessary to tell them. They have not gone out of their way to stay in touch. I would do what Vegansrock suggested.

Next time you send Christmas cards sign it love from y and x ( we got married in the summer) , leave it at that. They may have heard from the children anyway. I wouldn’t tell them beforehand.

May I ask you, OP, why you feel you need to tell your former ILs?

Also, I'd send these out after the wedding, just so there's no confusion or chance for anyone to cause a problem. I once sent an announcement about one of my kids' graduations and had to fend off a rather distant friend who mistook the announcement for an invitation and bought plane tickets and so on to attend. My child was moving out just a couple of days after the graduation so I did not want to house or entertain her.

I'd send a standard, impersonal announcement to the former in-laws who have responded to your Christmas cards and such and nothing to the ones who haven't, if you're looking for an easy guideline. It seems to me that by that, they've it pretty clear which ones are interested in maintaining any kind of contact with you and which ones would just as soon let it go. Or, I think it would also be okay to send that announcement all of them or none of them as you prefer. Best wishes!

I would send them all identical formal cards with a brief announcement but would not feel obliged to invite them to the wedding. If the older members have not gone out of their way to support you when you were widowed then you owe them nothing.

I think a card would be nice, although if they see the GCs they probably already know, maybe that’s why they are a bit ‘ off’.

I'd say a card in the post will do, saying that you thought that it was best that you let them know and hope that they will wish you well.
There is still a part of me, however, that due to the lack of contact with you,(they may no longer consider you a family member since your husband is no longer alive) I'm not 100% sure that they even deserve anything!

I too agree with aggie.
And i wish you all the happiness in the world,congratulations.

Congratulations and best wishes for the future. You presumably had enough happy times as you are planning to repeat the experience.

I would send a note to those who have maintained some kind of contact with you just to keep them in the loop. I am sure some of the GN wordsmiths will help with appropriate wording.

I agree with Aggie

I think I would send identical cards to each and everyone of them , saying you would like them to know that you and (name ) are embarking on a new Marriage and hoping for their good wishes