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Divorce question

(30 Posts)
stardust123 Sat 22-May-21 09:09:38

Hi everyone,
my husband left me almost a year ago, we had a petty argument and I came home one day and he had left me no note nothing, 4 months later he asked me for a explanation confused . apparently my son had told him I wanted him out so he blames me for the break up because after 27 years you just pack up and leave if you don't want to lol. Anyway he as now moved in with the eldest son and family in a large house neither of them can afford without each other, so no intentions of getting back together, although I don't want him back anyway. Was just wondering if anyone had any advice on divorce and the cheapest way to go about it, we have nothing to split and the children are all adults so should be quite straight forward but I'm not sure where to start or if you have to wait a certain amount of time, seen some companys online but not sure if they are dodgy, tia

Peasblossom Sat 22-May-21 09:14:24

No house, no pensions, no bank accounts, savings, no debts? Who knows what he’s spent since he left. If you’re married they’re yours too.

Get a solicitor. A real one that will look after your interests.

Katie59 Sat 22-May-21 09:17:55

Sounds like desertion to me after, 2 yrs divorce is straightforward unless it is contested which is 5 yrs, you still have a claim on each other’s assets, property, investments savings etc. Depending on circumstances you could do nothing, if you agree between you how to share everything, you don’t need a solicitor so just court costs.

stardust123 Sat 22-May-21 10:10:00

Thank you, i guess I can't wait 2 years

Oopsadaisy1 Sat 22-May-21 10:16:01

I’m with peasblossom he might have debts that you aren’t aware of, pension contributions can be a factor in a divorce, you need a Solicitor soon as possible.

Redhead56 Sat 22-May-21 10:52:31

You need to see a solicitor for advice you might be entitled to legal aid.

wildswan16 Sat 22-May-21 11:01:34

Some solicitors offer a 30 minute free advice session. You could check with your local Citizens Advice for any in your area.

However "simple" it may seem, there are always things which need a legal brain to look at in order to safeguard your future.

stardust123 Sat 22-May-21 11:38:39

Thank you all for the advice, I will look at the citizans advice

cornishpatsy Sat 22-May-21 12:31:27

It is simple to do yourself online, it costs £550. Make sure you go on the gov website, there are many firms charging to fill in the form for you which is costly and unnecessary.

grandtanteJE65 Sat 22-May-21 12:47:31

You need a solicitor.

My understanding of divorce laws is that no-one can say as you do that you have nothing to split.

In the course of 27 years of married life you and he have bought furniture etc. or been given things - all of this should be split up between you when you divorce.

How about property? Unless you are living in rented property then you need to find out what happens to your house or flat. Whose name is your car or cars in?

You also need help sorting out finances and contributions to pension funds, so see a solicitor at once.

You do not say where you live and divorce laws can be wildy different depending on whether you are in the U.K, and within the U,K whether you are in England or Scotland. If you are in another country, then things can become even more complicated, or perhaps easier, as in many countries you can divorce after six months if you and he are in agreement about wanting a divorce and how you split your assests.

GillT57 Sat 22-May-21 12:54:37

It is hard to believe that there is nothing to split after all these years. How do you both plan to support yourselves? There may come a time when your soon to be exh can no longer share the costs of a home with your eldest son, where does your DiL come into this equation? It all seems very odd based on what you have said. Did your son mean to drive him out by saying what he did? Why didn't you ask your husband where he was and why? Please pay for legal advice and don't clutter up Citizen's advice centre, there are people desperate for help who do not have the funds to pay a solicitor.

Savvy Sat 22-May-21 14:03:17

When any long term relationship breaks down there are things to sort out, and you need a solicitor to help with it.

Even if you rent your home, all personal property has to be accounted for; was it given as a gift, bought jointly, inherited, or bought into the relationship when you married? All these things are assets that need to be taken into account, and then there's bank accounts; are they joint or individual. Who contributed more to the household finances over the years and who supported the children when they were growing up? Even though they are now adults, it can still have an impact on a divorce settlement.

You cannot possibly dissolve a 27year marriage without the aid of a solicitor.

NotAGran55 Sat 22-May-21 15:06:28


Thank you, i guess I can't wait 2 years

You don’t need to wait 2 years if you both agree to wanting a divorce. It’s 2 years if one of you doesn’t want it .

FlexibleFriend Sat 22-May-21 16:46:11

You can certainly divorce after 27 years without a solicitor because my first husband and I did exactly that. We owned our property , had pensions, shares etc etc and used an online service. What I will say was that we were in complete agreement to manage our divorce as amicably as possible. We succeeded and remain friends today.
Solicitors are very expensive and think nothing of running up fees of 20grand+.
There is no legal aid for divorce unless Domestic violence is involved.
If as you say there really is nothing to split then online is the cheapest option.


You’ve been separated for at least 2 years
You can apply for a divorce if you’ve been separated for at least 2 years before applying for divorce and you both agree to it.

Your husband or wife must agree in writing.

It may be possible for you to show that you’ve been separated while living in the same home as your wife or husband as long as you’re not living together as a couple (for example you sleep and eat apart).

You’ve been separated for at least 5 years
You can apply for a divorce if you’ve been separated for at least 5 years before applying, even if your husband or wife disagrees.

Liz46 Sat 22-May-21 17:26:38

Savvy, I did a diy divorce from a 25 year marriage.

cornishpatsy Sat 22-May-21 17:35:11

My online divorce went smoothly as we were in agreement of separating everything 50/50 including the profits from our house. I do think that solicitors can cause problems with both sides trying to get the most for their client, and they charge a fortune.

Maybe talk about who is having what before consulting a solicitor as you may be in agreement. You do not have to wait 2 years to do it online.

Joelise Sat 22-May-21 17:52:15

You need a solicitor, using a firm that deals solely in family law , they really are better than firms that deal with a variety of areas .

Katie59 Sat 22-May-21 18:25:05

Seriously, the solicitor will be aiming to get £15k plus out of you and it could be much more, so if you can agree it will save a lot of cash, if you are worried about the other half running up debts get a separation order.

Peasblossom Sat 22-May-21 18:49:13

I can see that if you’re both reasonable, honest, decent people a do-it -yourself could work really well.

But that doesn’t sound like the OPs husband, I’m afraid.

And people are quite naive when it comes to divorce. They want to keep things pleasant. Often the trouble comes later down the line, when things don’t quite work out for them.

I’ve had three friends now who’ve been hit with financial arguments after a number of years of the amicable divorce. Ne lost half her pension when he quit work, another lost half of a life insurance policy payout, the third lost a substantial part of her house when his second marriage failed.

So I’m very wary of the idea of settling nicely.

annodomini Sat 22-May-21 19:04:42

What wildswan16 said. I would add that you should have everything watertight so that nothing can be contested after the decree absolute.

NotAGran55 Sat 22-May-21 19:07:37

I have a relative who is divorcing after 20 months of marriage.
No children, equal financial status, nothing to split or argue over .

My relatives solicitor has quoted £2000 for a ‘ clean break ‘ divorce without any complications. She is happy that this is a good investment for the advice and service she is getting.

She was going to to a DIY one which would have been cheaper but is pleased that she had a solicitor as she didn’t have to push the button on the difficult emails that needed to be sent .

stardust123 Sat 22-May-21 20:05:56


stardust123 Sat 22-May-21 20:09:43

I live in a rented house, he left and I have all the furniture he doesn't want any of it. We don't have savings we lived off our wages. He had a car which he pays for himself, basically there is nothing to split and I don't want anything from him just a divorce

stardust123 Sat 22-May-21 20:25:16

My husband left me and was staying in a caravan on their drive they have all now moved in together in a 4 bedroom rented detached house so i'm sure they are all happy with the decision they have made and no we don't have anything to split, I have stayed in the rented house with the furniture and we didn't have savings we lived off our wages.

theworriedwell Sat 22-May-21 20:34:16

I divorced after 15 years, two children. We agreed to sell the house, split the money. We both had pensions through our work and agreed to each keep our own. We had no debts other than mortgage. The household things were just split.

Originally I saw a solicitor who told me he'd "get me everything." He couldn't understand it when I said I didn't want everything.

I had to see a judge in chambers as he wasn't happy that there were no arrangements for residency of visitation or money. I assured him we were in agreement that the children would go between us as and when they wanted and we had agreed on child support. Judge warned me it wouldn't work but eventually agreed.

We never had an argument about the children, money or anything else.

Back then it cost us £5, obviously would cost more but if everyone is in agreement it can be done.