Sex

I hope you have left him or at least are preparing to leave. He sounds awful.
?

In her fifties a friend told her husband that she “didn’t want to bother “ any more and he replied “That’s alright, you were never any good at it anyway”

I said what a horrid thing to say and she said “No he’s right.”

Then she met her lover and found out that she was actually very good at indeed.

Would you take that step?

Get yourself a sexy book or film and 'have that joy' on your own. Or Bridgerton's a good start

It is a pity that your sex life causes problems.
Frequency may decrease, and the ultimate pleasure may now be memories.
The objective, particularly "at our time of life" ought to be to give each other pleasure. And to enjoy having given pleasure, as much as to receive it.
In my view, that is a loving relationship.
It should not be a performance, but an opportunity for both, from the start, to do the things that bring each other pleasure.

Sorry your husband has made you feel like this KarenR I would think anyone would find it difficult to maintain a fulfilled sex life under that sort of pressure.
I would think things would be very different for you with a kinder more caring partner. I would hazard a guess that the problem lies more with him than you.

Karen I was thinking you hadn’t been together long, 42 yrs that is well beyond the call of duty, there is nothing worse than being pressured to turn you off. How does he show his dissatisfaction, does he say so, or just roll over and go to sleep instead of cuddling you.

Karen, it would seem he's the problem not you, at best he is totally insensitive. Is this what you want, not the sex part, but the disregard for your feelings. Lots of people through circumstances are with partners that they no longer have that physical side and you stay together because you have that loving bond and care for each other, that's what you're missing.

I'm asexual so I've never had 'that' joy. I've never been able to see the attraction of intercourse.

Suffice to say, I'm single.

You are not alone KarenR..... suffice to say I am now divorced and I dare not get into another relationship although I have had one or two offers ...

Emily49

Are you still together? You talk as if this part of your life no longer happens. How old are you both? Have you had other partners?

We’ve been together for 42 years. I just feel so much sadness because I haven’t pleased him but also I’ve come to understand that I haven’t had ‘that’ joy. I wondered if I was alone or if others has experienced what I missed?

Are you still together? You talk as if this part of your life no longer happens. How old are you both? Have you had other partners?

Your husband doesn't sound as if he's up to the task, sadly.

I remember as a very young new wife an older couple invited us round, she showed me round the house and said when we reached the bedroom and here’s the torture chamber
Don’t fancy going into my various love life experiences on here though ?

Oh dear. It’s not meant to be a performance ?

Do you feel it’s too late now?

Sounds like you married the wrong man K, it’s supposed to be mutually enjoyable, there are good and bad men of all ages.