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Advice please

(15 Posts)
Nannysprout Sat 29-May-21 21:50:23

A few weeks ago when we were just opening up after the long lockdown I had arranged on the Saturday to see my DD and SIL and Grandaughter but my dd forgot. I sat there waiting for them and eventually text her and asked when they were coming and she replied she had totally forgot. I accepted the apology and invited them to come the next day as her brother was coming over at lunchtime and we could all have lunch together. My son had been having outside visits in the beginning of loosening the lockdown and we were having lunch outside in the garden. My DD and family had been in my bubble since the summer of last year. My sons partner had been seeing her own Mum and family within the restrictions. I had always assumed that when my son came to mine his partner was in turn seeing her family. To cut a long story short on the Sunday when he came and my DD came with her family we all had lunch in the garden together. When my son returned to his partner later she was so upset that she wasn't invited to the get together. When my son told me about it this week I felt so guilty because A, I had been more concerned and upset about my DD forgetting the original invitation and B, I just assumed my sons partner was with her family at that time. I realise I was wrong to make that assumption and I was careless in not inviting her to come but my question is how do I make amends with her? Should I text her to explain? Or try and make it up to her some other way? I should also add we haven't always had an easy relationship, I haven't always found her sympathetic towards me but I do truly want to make it up to her. I wouldn't deliberately hurt anyone least of my sons partner. Any advice gratefully received.

2020convert Sat 29-May-21 22:00:36

Why not ring her instead of texting, explaining that you weren’t aware she would have liked to be invited (although surely you would have welcomed her if she had turned up with your son?). Even so, she might then realise how awful you feel. Did your son know his sister was coming? How do they get on/do they see each other/keep in touch? All families have different dynamics and what one family feels is “normal” would be totally abhorrent to another family. At the end of the day, don’t fret over it. It was a mistake after all.

CafeAuLait Sun 30-May-21 00:43:37

I would pick up the phone, explain, own it an apologise for the oversight. We all make mistakes so hopefully she will be forgiving when she knows it wasn't personal.

Cabbie21 Sun 30-May-21 07:05:46

I could have been in exactly the same position, as my son, on the rare occasions he visits me, comes alone, as his wife is busy, either with her friends or family or at work. If she had wanted to come they could have said, or just turned up surely?
I hope an apology is accepted and that this does not cause a major incident.

Newatthis Sun 30-May-21 09:03:53

Your son should take a little responsibility for this for not just asking you if she could come too. Otherwise I’m with CafeAuLait on this.

Polarbear2 Sun 30-May-21 09:18:34

Apologise. Quickly, in person, and genuinely. Send her flowers. She’ll be very upset I’d imagine. Lots of us are a bit fragile after the year we’ve had so extra care needed. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. We’re all out of practice with these things. Good luck x

Nannysprout Sun 30-May-21 09:27:33

Thank you everyone your replies are much appreciated. I will call her.

Pastmysellby1949 Sun 30-May-21 20:17:39

I’m in a quandary .... my husband and I have not had sex for several years, I have not pushed it as he says he’s worried about his prostate/ libido etc. Recently he tells me if I lost weight I would be more attractive to him. I’m shocked at this as I’m not fat, not stick insect thin either. Am I right to be hurt by this?
He’s not what he was either but I still love him... well I thought I did!
Confused and hurt

Newatthis Sun 20-Jun-21 08:41:39

Why are you posting the same thread under two names?

eazybee Sun 20-Jun-21 10:30:07

Ring her up immediately and apologise; make it clear you were under the impression she visited her mother whilst your son visited you but of course you love to see them together.

Humbley Thu 29-Jul-21 23:48:01

Hi im divorced and in my 50s now. My ex and I have 3 children together when we divorced he promised nothing would change. My Eldest daughter when she was 16 and my other daughter were in a singing class and put on a show with others my ex arrived late and during interval I left my eldest with her dad while myself Son and other daughter as well as all the others went for refreshments. I still unsure what happened but she came out to all of us crying. Since then my ex hasn't spoken to my eldest daughter or kept in touch at birthdays etc she is now in her 30s and it hurts me a lot that the other 2 have always seen their dad and they have had trips away presents etc they think he is wonderful. My daughter has to hear them talk about him and see what he buys them and sees the pics etc on social media. They thinks its her fault, I don't and feel that he is an awful dad. Both my girls have got married and when it was the younger daughter he didn't talk to me or my eldest we sat on different sides of the room. Her husband thinks he is great but I can't understand why he doesn't want any thing to fo with her it breaks my heart. When eldest daughter got married he wasn't invited and it was a great wedding she now has a lovely husband and a baby due next month does anyone else go through this sort of thing and how do they handle it. He was lovely before I married him and day we got married he changed he always made things an argument and he smashed my head on a stair rail and drove off so I know what he is like how do I ever get her brother and sister to understand how awful it is for my eldest and me when the think he is marvellous and we are in the wrong. I hate the fact all this has affected her she has had cbt counselling and she really can't understand why he treats her differently. He said to me years ago I wasn't fit to walk the earth and should be 6 ft under. My eldest has worked really hard she had 2 graduations her 18th, 21st bday she works in a well paid job I think she is amazing. I treat all my kids equally the same why oh why does he have to be this way any ideas please as this is getting worse for her and myself

nadateturbe Thu 29-Jul-21 23:56:33

I don't understand why your son wouldn't just assume his partner can come too. He should have said to you. I would just ring and apologise, and say you assumed she was busy as your son didn't mention she would be coming.

Chapeau Thu 29-Jul-21 23:58:47

Is anyone else reading random posts on threads that are not related to the topic? There are 3 posts on this thread that I've seen on other threads. Or have I lost the plot?

FarNorth Fri 30-Jul-21 01:00:26

Maybe the title of 'Advice please' makes people think they can all ask for advice on this thread.

Whatdayisit Fri 30-Jul-21 06:49:27


Maybe the title of 'Advice please' makes people think they can all ask for advice on this thread.


Yes that makes sense!
Sorry ladies i am not laughing at the content of anybody's posts it's the way likeminded gransnetters have posted on the same thread.