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Advice please

(8 Posts)
Nannysprout Sat 29-May-21 21:50:23

A few weeks ago when we were just opening up after the long lockdown I had arranged on the Saturday to see my DD and SIL and Grandaughter but my dd forgot. I sat there waiting for them and eventually text her and asked when they were coming and she replied she had totally forgot. I accepted the apology and invited them to come the next day as her brother was coming over at lunchtime and we could all have lunch together. My son had been having outside visits in the beginning of loosening the lockdown and we were having lunch outside in the garden. My DD and family had been in my bubble since the summer of last year. My sons partner had been seeing her own Mum and family within the restrictions. I had always assumed that when my son came to mine his partner was in turn seeing her family. To cut a long story short on the Sunday when he came and my DD came with her family we all had lunch in the garden together. When my son returned to his partner later she was so upset that she wasn't invited to the get together. When my son told me about it this week I felt so guilty because A, I had been more concerned and upset about my DD forgetting the original invitation and B, I just assumed my sons partner was with her family at that time. I realise I was wrong to make that assumption and I was careless in not inviting her to come but my question is how do I make amends with her? Should I text her to explain? Or try and make it up to her some other way? I should also add we haven't always had an easy relationship, I haven't always found her sympathetic towards me but I do truly want to make it up to her. I wouldn't deliberately hurt anyone least of my sons partner. Any advice gratefully received.

2020convert Sat 29-May-21 22:00:36

Why not ring her instead of texting, explaining that you weren’t aware she would have liked to be invited (although surely you would have welcomed her if she had turned up with your son?). Even so, she might then realise how awful you feel. Did your son know his sister was coming? How do they get on/do they see each other/keep in touch? All families have different dynamics and what one family feels is “normal” would be totally abhorrent to another family. At the end of the day, don’t fret over it. It was a mistake after all.

CafeAuLait Sun 30-May-21 00:43:37

I would pick up the phone, explain, own it an apologise for the oversight. We all make mistakes so hopefully she will be forgiving when she knows it wasn't personal.

Cabbie21 Sun 30-May-21 07:05:46

I could have been in exactly the same position, as my son, on the rare occasions he visits me, comes alone, as his wife is busy, either with her friends or family or at work. If she had wanted to come they could have said, or just turned up surely?
I hope an apology is accepted and that this does not cause a major incident.

Newatthis Sun 30-May-21 09:03:53

Your son should take a little responsibility for this for not just asking you if she could come too. Otherwise I’m with CafeAuLait on this.

Polarbear2 Sun 30-May-21 09:18:34

Apologise. Quickly, in person, and genuinely. Send her flowers. She’ll be very upset I’d imagine. Lots of us are a bit fragile after the year we’ve had so extra care needed. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. We’re all out of practice with these things. Good luck x

Nannysprout Sun 30-May-21 09:27:33

Thank you everyone your replies are much appreciated. I will call her.

Pastmysellby1949 Sun 30-May-21 20:17:39

I’m in a quandary .... my husband and I have not had sex for several years, I have not pushed it as he says he’s worried about his prostate/ libido etc. Recently he tells me if I lost weight I would be more attractive to him. I’m shocked at this as I’m not fat, not stick insect thin either. Am I right to be hurt by this?
He’s not what he was either but I still love him... well I thought I did!
Confused and hurt