HELP! Online dating advice required

How is the dating going? You haven't posted since June so I hope you're Ok

I think he’s got a lot on his plate at the moment, it doesn’t mean that he’s not interested but if it was me I’d be giving him a bit of breathing space I think you are being a bit full on relax op don’t overthink

My friend met a man on POf thought he was the love of her life for 5 years but sadly just after that he just walked out, they got married after two years, you win some you lose some she said

I would like to add that generally men can only think about one thing at a time. An old cliche I know but I find it to be true. You'll probably come into his head when he's dealt with everything else.

Hi, can anyone recommend any genuine dating sites, seems very complicated to find a recommended one. Thank you

Relax. Chill. You’re being too intense. If he’s interested he’ll be back once his busyness is done. If he isn’t at least you haven’t embarrassed yourself. Best film I ever watched re this stuff is “he’s just not that into you”. Lightbulb moment for me. I was a chaser. Not now. What’s for you won’t go by you and all that ?❤️

Maybe just ease off the constant texting or he may feel that you are yet another tug at his time; he has a new job, new home, elderly parents, relocation to deal with which is a huge amount of turmoil. Just send a friendly text wishing him success in his new job, and say that you would love to see him when he is in our area again?

He's got a lot on his hands at the moment, so needs a bit of time and space I think, just to get himself organised.
Sorry, but you are coming across as being a bit desperate - you have only met each other a few times, yet you phone him while you are away with friends and ask him how he thinks it's going ? I don't understand why you did that!
Take a step back and maybe even see someone else - 4 dates doesn't make you exclusive and there is a fair way to go, I think before you can think your self as being that.
Get to know someone as a friend to work out if there is a future - this can take weeks or months - you wouldn't expect to know if someone is likely to be a longtime female friend, don't expect it with a man!

Men don't like women who come across as 'too keen'. Back off a little, let him do the running.

Sadly desperation springs to mind why would he want
embark on a serious relationship when he is relocating to another area it sounds as though the poor man is just being polite and not know how to let you down gently,texting after just 4 dates is something my GD (17yrs) would do.
Leave the texting alone this week and let him settle himself into his new job its the last thing he needs whilst getting to know his new team see if he gets in touch next week-end.By the way how old are you both and are you both looking for a long term relationship ?

Texting all day every day? Calling him out when he doesn’t after four dates? You sound totally desperate and with too much time on your hands, whereas you say he’s got a fairly senior job. How do you expect him to have time for all this? I reckon you’ve scared him off with all this intensity but can’t see how this relationship could progress anyway with him having a senior job which means being fully occupied and living away five days a week then spending weekends with elderly parents which means his free time is somewhat limited. Find another fish and don’t chase like a schoolgirl and ask where things are going after a few dates.

Also, to be clear, I always wait for him to initiate conversation and to make plans

Your post doesn’t read like this though. It looks like you often send the text or make the call.

It's great you have met someone you like, especially during lockdown when things have been unusual. I also think texting doesn't help, the agony of checking your phone for messages. Also, texting increases risk of miscommunications.

I disagree with a previous poster about sex by date 5. I have the opposite view and experience that men will wait until the woman is ready.

Vallotton

Hmm. Five dates in a month and no sex. That doesn't sound good unless one or other of you is deliberately holding out. Men look for sex and may or may not find love along the way. There's a general saying that if you haven't had sex by the third date it isn't going to happen. How is this going to work anyway when he's settled in his new job and only coming home weekends (and presumably staying with his aged parents)? I suspect he enjoys your company but isn't falling for you. I'd let things cool, give him space to get on with his new job and date other men in the meantime.

I’m sorry but not all men are just interested in sex, and there’s no hard and fast rules about when or if it should happen. It’s comments like this that make men more wary of relationships and how to get in to a meaningful one that is based on love and may develop in to sex when the time is right.

I know someone who has done quite a bit of online dating in different parts of U.K. She tells me the sort of thing you are experiencing is very very common - one person sort of blanks the other - they call it ghosting. The contacting all day everyday is also common with all her friends etc.
It could be as others say he is very busy or it could be the normal type of behaviour. She says the experience of her women friends is often that men have very little and are at times living in a room or renting a place as they have needed to give a lot in a divorce, often they are looking for a woman with her own house. Some hope to find a woman with a nice settlement too!

You've been out with this bloke 5 times and you're already hassling him to say how he feels and how the relationship is going?

As he's going to be in Wales and only back for the weekends, I'd say the relationship isn't really going anywhere, is it? It all sounds a bit desperate on your part. Why not see other people, meet your friends, enjoy life, enjoy being single?

Hmm. Five dates in a month and no sex. That doesn't sound good unless one or other of you is deliberately holding out. Men look for sex and may or may not find love along the way. There's a general saying that if you haven't had sex by the third date it isn't going to happen. How is this going to work anyway when he's settled in his new job and only coming home weekends (and presumably staying with his aged parents)? I suspect he enjoys your company but isn't falling for you. I'd let things cool, give him space to get on with his new job and date other men in the meantime.

“Felt like a schoolgirl”
Yea I know exactly how that feels - at 60.

Message him a couple of times a week if he’s interested he will date you properly, if he doesn’t, move on.

you sound desperate.
or very young.

You’re swamping him
It will burn out very quickly at this rate, one month in and ….
We text each other all day, every day
It would drive me crackers if I was trying to organise a new job a new place to live and had a new date texting me all the time
Give it all a bit of a rest be careful you don’t come across as too needy

Thanks Katie59, would he invite me to breakfast if he was letting me down gently?

I do hope not

M

I think he is being too cool and you are “chasing” too much, he may be letting you down gently, so be prepared for that. Conversation should not be one sided, that makes it hard work, it should flow naturally without either dominating.
I was in the same situation 2 yrs ago, no excuses, no hesitation, on time, very similar interests helped a lot.

I agree with FarNorth take things easy for a while, your man has a lot going on.
What will be will be.

There's no harm in messaging now and again. Just don't try to pressure him.
It's 'early days' as you said.

I have no experience of online dating but I think you are pushing too much.
'Called him out' seems a bit much - why not just ask in a straightforward way if he's been busy, as you haven't heard from him?

He does have a lot going on, so just be content with occasional contact while he gets things sorted out and then take things gradually.