Husband’s family.

Yep! Let him go on his own. Life is too short to be vexed like this.

It’s so difficult with family relatives. They are being insensitive and selfish. It’s about awareness, I love my grandsons but don’t wish to bore people. I don’t think they will change. Let your husband go on his own

Can you not remove yourself when the conversation is all about their GC and their health?

Have you discussed this your H and if so, does he feel the same way? If so, perhaps you should limit the amount of contact you have with them.

TBH in your position I would change the conversation or make my self scarce for a while and when your b.i.l. "rolls his eyes in front of me" I would ask him why.

It sounds as if it's time to stop "putting up with their childish, insensitive, patronising, put downs and behaviour". 40 years is a very long time but better late than never.

Good luck.

Agree with Nonogran

Nonogran

Yep! Let him go on his own. Life is too short to be vexed like this.

Me too

I have tried to change the conversations to more general topics, however, they both divert it back to them and their grandchildren. I am so tired of them both. When I first met them my BIL told me I was fat.

It's a great shame that both you and your H have never confronted them for their behaviour. That said, if your H is happy to spend time with them then I agree with others that he should do so alone.

I hope if that's the case you at least tell them why you wont be visiting again.

Just roll your eyes back at your brother in law when he starts going on about his grandchildren!

I would go ‘mmm’ and get on with something else when their health issues and grandchildren talk crop up.

Maybe they have little going on in their lives so have to big up these?

Do you get on with them in other ways?

3dognight,
We do enjoy walking together. Needless to say that also turns into a competition!
They HAVE to beat us at all things?

If these are not people you would choose as friends then do not see them.

If I do not like someone then will not spend time with them just because we are related.

How can you beat someone at walking? I think this is a stress you can do without MOira.

You are all so right. Thank you for responding and giving me the courage to finally say NO MORE.

Originally I thought it was a case of incompatible personalities but calling you fat is unacceptable

Your dh can deal with them. I am glad you made a decision for your own mental health

God in Heaven - they sound horrors ?

Blimey, how have you put up with them for so long? Obviously they are your OHs relatives but he must realise how awful they are? In your position, as soon as the annoying stuff began I would make an excuse, any excuse to leave the room. And of course you don’t have to go and stay with them. I can remember my mum going to stay with her mother and very rarely did dad go as well. Likewise, dad would visit his mum (with my brother, sister and I) and mum would stay at home. I don’t think families have to move around in packs all the time. In fact my son and granddaughter have been to stay several times without his partner.

Ask him if he needs some eye drops.
Agree with nonogran too.

I would not put up with it I haven’t the patience. They sound overbearing and very annoying. It’s rude if they are on their iPhones constantly in company give them a miss.

Goodness, they sound like nightmare visitors. I would definitely limit my time with them. And when sitting together I would pick up a book or magazine or say there's a programme I want to watch and put the telly on. It wouldn't be any ruder than what they are doing.

Don’t put up with it Why have you for 40 years if your husband is happy with them let him do the entertaining tell him you ll be out next time they come if he shares your dislike then stop making arrangements to see them get busy doing things with people you do like
I wouldn’t take 40 years of misery See them once or twice a year

If that’s the way they choose to behave I wouldn’t stay with them or have them to stay either. If your husband insists on them staying I would take myself off for a few days and let him entertain them. I’d even be tempted to tell them how boring they are but I guess you wouldn’t want to cause problems with your husband as they are his family.

I wouldn’t ( and didn’t), put up with family like this. There’s no reason for you to see them. You could always communicate through social media, which they see at home with.

Seem at home with?

I suppose that's part of the problem MOira you have endured this for so long it's hard to get out of it now. Have you talked things through with your husband and see how he feels. I would certainly call your brother in law out on the eye rolling.
Life is too short to put up with this, reduce the number of visits or let your husband go on his own. Good luck.

DH and I have a code to circuit break any conversation headed in the wrong direction. We have one friend that drones on endlessly about past wrongdoings that don't even involve people we know. For us it's a "how about those Canucks this year?" (hockey team). Chose a topic that is totally non-confrontational but common enough to steer conversation. 'my roses are doing well this year, how about yours?' or something equally silly/meaningless.

The third time you ask about their roses, they may get the hint you are done hearing about their GC.