Saying No, when the dating site photo is about 20 years old.

Why let them down gently if they’ve been dishonest?

I think women probably do!!!

Well of course we shouldn’t be so shallow should we?

But there has to be something that makes you want to meet the person and I’m afraid with online dating a photo is all you have.
Have all the people you have met sent in old photos? If so then I guess that you have to hope they haven’t aged too much and treat every photo as an old one.

Why not write something in your profile explaining that you have had this experience and that you only want to be contacted by men who have posted a recent photo.

I have to say that everyone I met was recognisable from their photo. Several did mention to me that many women look far older than their photograph so both sexes can mislead.

Women do it as well, when you have your first meeting in the coffee, end that as pleasantly as possible, then message him that there was no chemistry and move on.

Coffee shop

I suppose they must think they’re still lethally attractive. IMO men are so often able to kid themselves in this respect much better than women can.

I can never forget a TV documentary some years ago about men who married Thai wives. There was one frankly hideous old bloke who insisted that his pretty young wife had married him for love, and not for his bank account plus the western house and lifestyle.

It depends what you mean. If he says he's 60 and looks 40 in his photo then you know it's an old one and you could chat about it before you decide to met. He might confess to being camera shy and lacking confidence about his older appearance. Some people do not look their best in photos and are self-conscious about that.

On the other hand, if he says he's 60, you meet him on that basis and he turns out to be 80, that's dishonest. You can stay for the coffee to be polite but have every right to say you are looking for someone younger. Beware, I've known some men can get quite antsy about that ... age is just a number ... why won't younger women give me a chance? ... if I say my true age, women don't want to meet me. Stick to your guns. Say that you value honesty and integrity above all else and to start a friendship with a lie is not a good sign.

I do someimes feel sorry for older men in the dating stakes. They invariably look older than women of a similar age. They don't (necessarily) have hair colour, cosmetics and judicious choice of clothing in their armoury to cover up life's ravages. Few men look as good at 60 as Clooney, Brosnan at nearing 70 or Sam Elliott nearer 80 which is why they are Hollywood superstars.

It’s because men are “lazy” & can’t be bothered to get a friend to take an uptodate photo. How difficult can it be with mobiles & cameras inbuilt.
It happened to me & like someone up post has said, we all want to start off with honesty which vintage photos aren’t.
Walk away.
Young man’s darling, old man’s slave.

Fragile egos. 99% of them. My OH had this posed black and white photo on his profile. Very egotistic. I actually contacted him just for a laugh. Turns out he’s a nice guy under all the show. He doesn’t feel the need to show off now. ??

Can you not just ask straight out when the photo was taken?

I would.

I think some men have a magic mirror which makes them look young and handsome! I met quite a few men when I did online dating some years ago who looked nothing like their photos and were also economical with the truth about their lifestyles! Most seemed to just want to find someone to look after them, after a few interesting dates they just wanted to stay in, wear slippers, drink beer and watch tv!

Maybe they are insecure. Or maybe they chose a picture that they like and has happy memories for them, or that they feel represents something of who they are, what they like doing? I wouldn't worry about the choice of photo if they are upfront about it not being current or give a reason they chose that picture. If they are deceptive, that's another story and a red flag.

Teacheranne

I think some men have a magic mirror which makes them look young and handsome! I met quite a few men when I did online dating some years ago who looked nothing like their photos and were also economical with the truth about their lifestyles! Most seemed to just want to find someone to look after them, after a few interesting dates they just wanted to stay in, wear slippers, drink beer and watch tv!

That made me laugh. It's years since I tried the murky world of dating apps but I remember the sites that had questionnaires.

What's your idea of the perfect date?

I avoided anyone who said a night in with pizza and a film. I enjoy both but it's not really a date is it, let alone perfect? Going out with someone meant going out - at least, it did to me.

Also have to remember, for some people, it’s their first time dating for many many years. My OH had been married 37 yrs when his wife left. He had no clue how to ‘date’ anymore. Weed out the obvious idiots but don’t dismiss everyone. Good luck. I hope you find someone nice.

Most of us as grans are not likely to meet a Brad Pitt or George Clooney, nor are most of us superstars either, so what we are looking for is an honest, decent looking bloke, we all have different ideas about that. All the comments about men apply to women, younger photo, economical with the truth, insecure, lonely and lots more.

Having found a likely man online, meet him over a coffee and find out what he is like, trust your instincts, if you like him, phone or message him after a day or two and ask him how he feels.

In my case we got on really well over coffee, he lived locally so I called a friend and had his background confirmed, he had lost his wife recently. So I called him pretending to have a spare theatre at Stratford, that went really well, he has proved to be something of a catch, a really nice guy.

I wouldn't angst about trying to find the perfect way to let him down gently. Just say you're not interested in meeting if you haven't met, or if you have met, say you're not interested in proceeding further. You don't have to give a reason. You own your own time. Haven't we waited long enough to be free?

So many men lie about their height too!(or did when I helped a friend who'd opened a dating/friendship company, pre Internet times.) Madness.

Alishka

So many men lie about their height too!(or did when I helped a friend who'd opened a dating/friendship company, pre Internet times.) Madness.

How do you mean - lie about their height?

Which way?

ElderlyPerson

Alishka

So many men lie about their height too!(or did when I helped a friend who'd opened a dating/friendship company, pre Internet times.) Madness.

How do you mean - lie about their height?

Which way?

One,for instance, claiming to be 5'11 and a half(!) when the reality was about 4'10" when wearing Cuban-heeled shoes. Had to sit on a thick cushion to even see over the steering wheel

Because they are dilusional.

Women do it just as often. Very difficult to meet people when physical appearance is judged first. Maybe they think that if you met them and give them a chance you could get past what they look like.

cornishpatsy. I've long thought the online dating scene is back to front. When you meet people in real life, personality is more important than looks. On these swiping dating apps people are rejected on the basis of looks alone.

I can think of quite a few men in the public eye who would never be regarded as handsome, some are quite ... erm .. odd looking ... but I find them attractive as they are intelligent, witty, kind, have a social conscience etc and I'd happily go out on a date with them.

Flexagon

*cornishpatsy*. I've long thought the online dating scene is back to front. When you meet people in real life, personality is more important than looks. On these swiping dating apps people are rejected on the basis of looks alone.

I can think of quite a few men in the public eye who would never be regarded as handsome, some are quite ... erm .. odd looking ... but I find them attractive as they are intelligent, witty, kind, have a social conscience etc and I'd happily go out on a date with them.

I find that quite reassuring.