DH always trying to see what I’m doing on my iPad.

Perhaps just idle curiosity? And /or a feeling that it's a bit of an anti-social activity when there are others around. My DH is inclined to do it as well, and I do say Just a minute and then stop, because I think that continuing is rather rude. He uses his phone very little which may make the difference.

Yes,i agree with the first few posts,somethings amiss.

Cornishpatsy - I suppose most people who ask questions on a forum such as this do not expect people to know the answer to a personal problem they have. They might just have no-one else to ask and want to hear some views.

cornishpatsy

Maybe he doesn’t trust you. Ask him why he wants to know and why he does the same with his phone.

There are many couples on here that do not communicate. If people want to know something about their partner why would anyone on a forum know when they themselves do not.

I agree Cornish Pasty. Communication is so important. I’m not really generalising here, but men aren’t the best at trying to work out what someone is trying to say when they’re not using actual words.

No, not sad Patsy70. Relish the time to yourself. I very rarely have any to myself since we both retired. ? It’s good that you don’t care. Maybe I’ll join your club. ?

My OH does that to me Bashful, plants a kiss on my head and peers at my screen! He is very secretive with his own passwords, unlike me! To be honest, the way I feel at the moment, I really don’t care. He is off to his ukulele jamboree on Friday until Sunday, and I’m so looking forward to some tine to myself. Sad I suppose, as we’re both 74.

Bashful

I see what you’re saying DiscoDancer1975 and cornishpatsy. However, to communicate it needs two willing parties and he thinks communicating is shouting and stomping about not sitting down and calmly having a discussion. I’m at my wits end and really withdrawing from him now. I’ve told him that his behaviour alienates me rather than draws me towards him but to no avail. ☹️

Ok, well just show him what you’re looking at. You be bigger than him. Then you’ve got good grounds for saying ‘ at least I’ve tried, unlike you’. He has to understand he can’t bully you. Marriage is a two way street.

Of course, there may be something else wrong, which he’s finding difficult to articulate. Communicating doesn’t necessarily mean two willing parties, just one to get things started, and the other to react either by listening, or throwing a hissy fit. It sounds like you’re on the right road here. Don’t give up if you can. Just imagine he’s a six year old boy!

I see what you’re saying DiscoDancer1975 and cornishpatsy. However, to communicate it needs two willing parties and he thinks communicating is shouting and stomping about not sitting down and calmly having a discussion. I’m at my wits end and really withdrawing from him now. I’ve told him that his behaviour alienates me rather than draws me towards him but to no avail. ☹️

It sounds to me that he is very insecure and rather childish stomping and screeching at you the actions you would expect from someone with something to hide.

I wouldn’t necessarily jump to the conclusion he’s trying to hide something. If this is typical’ deflection behaviour’, then surely it’s the last thing he should be doing. Drawing your attention to it.

For goodness sake just talk to each other.

Maybe he doesn’t trust you. Ask him why he wants to know and why he does the same with his phone.

There are many couples on here that do not communicate. If people want to know something about their partner why would anyone on a forum know when they themselves do not.

Ha ha, Blossoming. That did make me laugh.
Everyone else though - you all seem to be voicing what my instinct is telling me. ?

I'm not at all tech savy, but would it be possible for you to have something you could instantly put on that would make him wish he hadn't been snooping?

Tell him you’re on a dating site looking for a replacement.

Then surely you are doing what he does only his actions, as far as his secrecy with his phone, seem less honest. This would concern me.

When I am texting my family on Watsapp my DH always has to interfere. When I tell him what jokey things they say he says tell them such and such, which is so unfunny. I never ask him what his doing though when he is on his phone.

Isn’t this called ‘gaslighting’? The guilty person trying to deflect guilt onto their partner, making out ‘they’ have the problem. Too much time in each other’s company - if he starts to act up, just go for a walk or another room, out of the situation.

It's not too late to insist on some privacy and demand equal rights.

Too much time together !

Probably too late now to establish some kind of independence/separate activities or interests,

Oh dear, another controlling OH. It shouldn’t matter how long a couple has been together, everyone is entitled to some private time. I have kept a journal for years and years. I have told one of my sons that after my death he can give the whole lot to one of diary research groups in London.

" I'll show you mine if you show me yours!".... try that and judge his reaction..... will tell you everything you need to know!!

Yep I agree acting like a guilty man It sounds a real game of deflection, classic blame you for what he’s doing, takes the heat off

CLUE
The thing is that he is so secretive with anything he does, especially his phone. He has always locked it so I could never access it

Try doing it to him. See how he likes it.

I can see why you are annoyed I find that too when DH does it. Everyone needs a certain amount of private space.

Has he always been this controlling?

I agree with the feedback given so far