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DH always trying to see what I’m doing on my iPad.

(29 Posts)
Bashful Tue 20-Jul-21 23:52:03

If my DH comes into the room I’m in or comes over to me while I’m on my iPad he’ll bend over, give me a kiss while trying to see what’s on my iPad screen. It’s annoying because I suppose the kiss is meant to be a distraction from what he’s really trying to do. He could just ask me and I’d tell him or show him. Simple!
Other times, I genuinely switch off when he approaches to give him my full attention in case he wants to speak or whatever and he immediately shouts, “ Why do you always switch from what you’re doing when I come over?” Sometimes it’ll escalate into him screeching at me and stomping about even though I’ve calmly told him why I switched off or switched screens.
Tonight I’ve just about had enough. The thing is that he is so secretive with anything he does, especially his phone. He has always locked it so I could never access it (not that I’ve any inclination to!)
What to do? There’s no talking to him about it and I don’t see why I should have to prove what I’m doing or reading every time.

GagaJo Tue 20-Jul-21 23:53:54

He's up to something he shouldn't be on HIS iPad/phone and suspects you might be too.

Bluebellwould Wed 21-Jul-21 00:44:30

Attack is the best form of defence, so he is attacking you so you don’t investigate him.

SueDonim Wed 21-Jul-21 00:53:36

I agree with the first two responses. He’s up to no good and is trying to cover it up by deflecting it onto you.

Hithere Wed 21-Jul-21 01:01:30

Has he always been this controlling?

I agree with the feedback given so far

BigBertha1 Wed 21-Jul-21 06:28:49

I can see why you are annoyed I find that too when DH does it. Everyone needs a certain amount of private space.

vegansrock Wed 21-Jul-21 06:33:07

Try doing it to him. See how he likes it.

BlueBelle Wed 21-Jul-21 06:33:29

Yep I agree acting like a guilty man It sounds a real game of deflection, classic blame you for what he’s doing, takes the heat off

CLUE
The thing is that he is so secretive with anything he does, especially his phone. He has always locked it so I could never access it

Fleur20 Wed 21-Jul-21 06:40:25

" I'll show you mine if you show me yours!".... try that and judge his reaction..... will tell you everything you need to know!!

Ladyleftfieldlover Wed 21-Jul-21 06:56:58

Oh dear, another controlling OH. It shouldn’t matter how long a couple has been together, everyone is entitled to some private time. I have kept a journal for years and years. I have told one of my sons that after my death he can give the whole lot to one of diary research groups in London.

Lucca Wed 21-Jul-21 07:02:17

Too much time together !

Probably too late now to establish some kind of independence/separate activities or interests,

nadateturbe Wed 21-Jul-21 07:56:04

It's not too late to insist on some privacy and demand equal rights.

Carenza123 Wed 21-Jul-21 08:03:20

Isn’t this called ‘gaslighting’? The guilty person trying to deflect guilt onto their partner, making out ‘they’ have the problem. Too much time in each other’s company - if he starts to act up, just go for a walk or another room, out of the situation.

Rosycheeks Wed 21-Jul-21 08:30:56

When I am texting my family on Watsapp my DH always has to interfere. When I tell him what jokey things they say he says tell them such and such, which is so unfunny. I never ask him what his doing though when he is on his phone.

Newatthis Wed 21-Jul-21 08:37:55

Then surely you are doing what he does only his actions, as far as his secrecy with his phone, seem less honest. This would concern me.

Blossoming Wed 21-Jul-21 09:33:45

Tell him you’re on a dating site looking for a replacement.

Smileless2012 Wed 21-Jul-21 09:38:29

I'm not at all tech savy, but would it be possible for you to have something you could instantly put on that would make him wish he hadn't been snooping?

Bashful Wed 21-Jul-21 11:02:23

Ha ha, Blossoming. That did make me laugh.
Everyone else though - you all seem to be voicing what my instinct is telling me. 😳

cornishpatsy Wed 21-Jul-21 11:08:15

Maybe he doesn’t trust you. Ask him why he wants to know and why he does the same with his phone.

There are many couples on here that do not communicate. If people want to know something about their partner why would anyone on a forum know when they themselves do not.

DiscoDancer1975 Wed 21-Jul-21 11:16:32

I wouldn’t necessarily jump to the conclusion he’s trying to hide something. If this is typical’ deflection behaviour’, then surely it’s the last thing he should be doing. Drawing your attention to it.

For goodness sake just talk to each other.

glammanana Wed 21-Jul-21 11:59:10

It sounds to me that he is very insecure and rather childish stomping and screeching at you the actions you would expect from someone with something to hide.

Bashful Wed 21-Jul-21 12:31:16

I see what you’re saying DiscoDancer1975 and cornishpatsy. However, to communicate it needs two willing parties and he thinks communicating is shouting and stomping about not sitting down and calmly having a discussion. I’m at my wits end and really withdrawing from him now. I’ve told him that his behaviour alienates me rather than draws me towards him but to no avail. ☹️

DiscoDancer1975 Wed 21-Jul-21 13:03:20

Bashful

I see what you’re saying DiscoDancer1975 and cornishpatsy. However, to communicate it needs two willing parties and he thinks communicating is shouting and stomping about not sitting down and calmly having a discussion. I’m at my wits end and really withdrawing from him now. I’ve told him that his behaviour alienates me rather than draws me towards him but to no avail. ☹️

Ok, well just show him what you’re looking at. You be bigger than him. Then you’ve got good grounds for saying ‘ at least I’ve tried, unlike you’. He has to understand he can’t bully you. Marriage is a two way street.

Of course, there may be something else wrong, which he’s finding difficult to articulate. Communicating doesn’t necessarily mean two willing parties, just one to get things started, and the other to react either by listening, or throwing a hissy fit. It sounds like you’re on the right road here. Don’t give up if you can. Just imagine he’s a six year old boy!

Patsy70 Wed 21-Jul-21 16:50:37

My OH does that to me Bashful, plants a kiss on my head and peers at my screen! He is very secretive with his own passwords, unlike me! To be honest, the way I feel at the moment, I really don’t care. He is off to his ukulele jamboree on Friday until Sunday, and I’m so looking forward to some tine to myself. Sad I suppose, as we’re both 74. sad

Bashful Wed 21-Jul-21 19:52:40

No, not sad Patsy70. Relish the time to yourself. I very rarely have any to myself since we both retired. 😂 It’s good that you don’t care. Maybe I’ll join your club. 😆