Is Anyone Else a Recluse?

Friends we have who can only be described as galavants always on holidays or day trips say though Covid is awful it has made them appreciate home they have settled and enjoy what they have.
I have always liked being at home holidays from work were so special.

I went to a friend’s Golden Wedding afternoon tea party in their garden yesterday - my first social occasion since I can’t remember when. I felt quite adventurous and a little strange suddenly having to talk to people>

I'm by nature a recluse though I enjoy the company of good friends and my family. My idyll was when I decided to rent a garage to store most of my trappings, gave up my tenancy and lived in a van and a tent in a field. It was beyond gorgeous. I'm back in a normal home now but still need to vanish from time to time so that I can think without a single distraction.

I'm going to stay with my daughter for a week, part of me is dreading it, rather stay in my own home doing my thing. Obviously part of me wants to see her and my grandson so I'll go.

What an allegorical tale for the times we're living in! The Lady of Shalott (Alfred, Lord Tennyson 1809 - 1892) was cursed. She lived in a tower room on the Island of Shalott and couldn't look out of her window but had to watch the world go by, reflected in her mirror, while recording what she saw as a tapestry. When she finally looked directly from her window, at bold Sir Lancelot, the curse came upon her and she was forced to leave her tower room on the Island of Shalott and set off, to her death, in a little boat.

I've always loved that tragic tale since it was read to us in primary school.

Thank you! You speak for me. Fortunately these days this issue is much less behind closed doors and since finding Susan Cain’s excellent book and also Introvert Dear site online (also available via FB and Instagram), I’ve felt so much better about being an introvert.

Merlotgran I’m also a Gemini and find I also go with the flow. I can be sociable or spend time on my own- usually, but since I’ll health has made me retire from work ( I loved my job) I realise that work for me was my socialising and I miss it desperately. I have some very dear friends but live alone and not had a partner for the past 15 years. I think having to isolate because of being vulnerable during COVID, I have become quite reluctant to go out. I’m more than happy to potter in the garden or have friends pop in for a cuppa but recognise I am quite lonely and would dearly love to have a partner to spend the long evenings with. I think I’m still sociable but reluctant to go out. Not sure if this sounds loopy but hard to explain x

Am happy to be alone over the last 8 years I have no regrets

Grammaretto

My DH died just 8 months ago so I am having to get used to living alone. People ask me if I am lonely (they do!) as we were sociable and always had people staying, but I am not lonely and quite like choosing what to do each day.
I could become very selfish I think so I will try to curb my selfish tendencies.

I have been invited to coffee on Saturday by someone who is up on holiday from England and it involves a bus trip for me. I will go but I am a bit resentful.
I asked her to mine instead but she won't come out.
I hope she doesn't read this. I'm sure she thinks she is being very kind.
I am with you about big gatherings and girly outings. No way!

I don’t think you are at all selfish, not in any way. You’ve entered a new chapter in your life and it’s seems to me that you’re doing a fabulous job

I seem to be both an introvert and extrovert !! I totally understand the recluse preference

I have often thought that were I to win the lottery, I'd buy myself a little house (having lived in rented accommodation nearly all of my life, being able to do almost what I wanted in my own home would be great!) somewhere like Somerset or Devon and become that little old lady with cats!
Most of my family only live 30 - 40 minutes away and I only see them a few times a year - they never visit me, they can carry on quite well without me (as they do anyway!)

I have been down town to do a bit of shopping, am going swimming soon, but after that very happy to be at home, DH pottering in the garden, me as well.

No desire to mix any more than I have to really. Not bothered about seeing people or meeting up, apart from said activities.

Shrub I know what you mean, having lost my husband five years ago. In some ways it gets harder as the reality hits home.
Lockdown has made things so hard and I hope you can increase your trips out and meet up with the friends you have things in common with.
Many of us have had to turn in on ourselves and it’s not healthy.

I've always been a loner but not necessarily a recluse. Since my husband died several years ago I made myself go out and join a few things and I have a small circle of friends now. I find though I'm not very good with people who I don't have anything in common with and girly trips out I avoid. I have found these last months fairly hard and getting increasingly so, beginning to get rather depressed now and really miss the person who knew me best.

I’m not a recluse. I’m at my happiest when with other people even if I don’t know them well. I have a need to go out everyday no matter what the weather and hope to meet someone for a chat. I don’t think it’s good to spend too much time alone. It can make you selfish. I like to be with others and fit in with them. Just once in a while I will please myself but I’m never comfortable with it.

My DH died just 8 months ago so I am having to get used to living alone. People ask me if I am lonely (they do!) as we were sociable and always had people staying, but I am not lonely and quite like choosing what to do each day.
I could become very selfish I think so I will try to curb my selfish tendencies.

I have been invited to coffee on Saturday by someone who is up on holiday from England and it involves a bus trip for me. I will go but I am a bit resentful.
I asked her to mine instead but she won't come out.
I hope she doesn't read this. I'm sure she thinks she is being very kind.
I am with you about big gatherings and girly outings. No way!

Yes, I like to be AROUND people (not parties/gatherings) but not to have to converse or socialise with them.

I’m not sure what my label would be as I like/need long periods to recharge my batteries and do creative things but like henetha depression can set in if it goes on too long.
Against that, I love being with lots of people, walking in town, theatre and concerts on my own, but like my mother, I prefer them around me but not too close. Very keen on people watching and observing (nosey?) I like large parties where I can move about and not get stuck with someone. Much prefer a large party to a small gathering in a house for coffee etc.
I truly enjoy company (the people I like) but I think, getting older and living alone, it can be tiring.
It’s nice to be one’s own best friend!

I am quite happy on my own. I don't think I am a recluse as I need some company but can go for days hardly seeing anyone and find it restful.
As long as I can see my family I am content. I keep in contact with friends but haven't met up with them for ages for various reasons.

We've been out quite a lot lately.

The hospital, the surgery, the dentist.
Must make a visit to see the friendly optician.

At least it gets us out of the house.

Weirdly, while I am fairly anti-social, my teacher personna is completely different (and it isn't an act). In the classroom, I am lively, chatty and have to actively shut myself up, to let my students work. It IS the area of my life where I am my best self, but it doesn't transfer across into my personal life at all.

I also am reclusive. I can be very sociable and good fun in company but it is an act and when I get home I am drained.

Lockdown has made me realise that I prefer my own company. Now it is over various village social events are in the offing. My husband is sociable and I feel pressured to go to these when I know I won't really enjoy them. I may appear to do so, and will probably have a bit too much to drink in order to get through them.

I think the other posters are right when they say as we get older we don't need so much company. A quick chat on a dog walk is enough for me.

Missingmarietta - I agree with so much that you say. Never bored, need time alone to feel normal, peace is everything.

I used to be more sociable but have found I just don't need company as I age. Perhaps I always felt that way and the confidence that comes with age has freed me from the need to conform to the norm.

I find people so exhausting that I cut my own hair as I can't bear having to talk to a hairdresser for the half hour it takes.

I've got my husband and family. That will do for me. I've never done the whole friends thing. I've always found friendships rather stressful. One good thing about the pandemic is that I no longer feel pressured to meet up with ex colleagues or 'friends'.

I love my husband/ family, and have a couple of friends we love to see. Outside of that, we’re not bothered. I too, am like you JaneJudge. I’ve never liked the company of just women. Always a mixed group. Wouldn’t want to be totally alone though.