Wait and see- how to put into practice?

I am so sorry, it looks as though his family has frightened him off. It sounds as though you have made him your whole life, pinning all your hopes for the future on him. How did you keep busy before you met him? You need to try and find other activities to keep your mind off the situation, plan treats for yourself, take an interest in your friends' lives. Either he will eventually sort things out and come and find you, or he will decide all the angst isn't worth it and move on. There is nothing you can do to affect his decision, and certainly sending frequent texts will only make you seem needy, so try to hold off and give him the space you know he needs.

Your life wasn't hell before you met him, try to build it back without him, and then if he returns you will be a much more interesting person for him. You really do have all my sympathy, but you did ask for help?

Are you getting help from your GP regarding your anxiety? Everything is harder to deal with whilst you're suffering from anxiety so do concentrate on looking after your that important aspect of your health.

'Waiting and seeing' is much harder if you have nothing to keep you busy....the hours drag and it's all you can concentrate on. I don't think you can control him or move things on until he is ready, but you can control you. Keep busy, start a project, do things you love, focus on you. Perhaps allow a small time each day to think about him, say 5 minutes and then get up, do something positive.

These are your days to enjoy, don't let them be hell. You deserve better. Things will get better knittingnovice so do have faith in that.

You decide what you are worth and you still willing to tolerate

It is up to him to decide what he wants: it's his family or you

Thank you everybody. Although I work, have hobbies, holiday soon etc I live alone.

I've just been in the gym and was tearful. I'm mourning the loss of a good friend too I think.

Yes, I need to manage my anxiety. It's the uncertainty which I find the hardest I think. I can't move on yet and whilst there may be hope I feel its harder to accept its over.

I was single for a while hoping, through choice and when I met him I knew. Perhaps I was pinning hopes on the future as he spoke about moving in together, although not definite. I would like to get married although not for the sake of it, so I suppose I was starting to believe yes.

The uncertainty in this situation would make most people anxious. I would give him a while without texting and then ask outright if it is over between you. It is better to know than be waiting on tenterhooks for him to make his mind up.
If he doesn't reply just get on with your own life. You will have your answer.

If he can't sort out with his family and therefore dumps his relationship with you then sadly it won't work. I am so sorry if that sounds harsh but if he is so tied to them that he has to choose then you truly are better off out of it. I know this is a painful truth for you to hear but please keep it in mind as you wait to see what happens. And be clear where your red line is on what you will tolerate for this relationship

Thanks, don't apologise for saying what you think, I like honesty.
I may be looking at things through rose coloured glasses, because he has been manipulated and that trait will always be there.

Maybe his family feel your presence will affect their relationship with their father. They may also be thinking about finances if he marries you they will lose inheritance.
Whatever the reason give him time and don’t chase him keep your self respect. No relationship is worth the anguish which can potentially harm your mental or physical health. Take care of yourself you come first ?

When you say his family, do you mean his children?
If so, then most men would probably cave in, trying not to put a strain on his relationship with his family.
Maybe he will sort it out, but surely it will resurface from time to time, and if he gets depressed trying to deal with it, it doesn’t bode well for the future.
On the other hand, let’s be positive, he really may just need time to think it through. Try and take a step back, give him some space to think.

Thank you. It's just so difficult when I know I've met someone special for me. Yes, I'll cope I always do but I've been single for many years, through choice, never met anyone and I've always wanted to know when I meet soemone and I did.

I need to think with my head to get through so the tips here have been fabulous.

There have been so many lovely kind and truthful posts, gransnetetters are such lovely people, these posts nearly made me cry Well done for be so supportive Folks [??

My part-time bloke is/was the love of my life. He has a nightmare late 30s daughter. He allowed her to mostly destroy our relationship. 15 years ago, I felt the way you do now.

These days, we have a solid BUT very limited relationship. It is him that has suffered the most from this however. We were a great match and I drew him out of his restricted life, which he loved.

I've continued to have a very wide ranging life, and he's returned to being lonely and just being there to fund/enable his daughter to be an adult child.

We are good friends tho. Not a bad thing to have. Silly man tho.

For me, you have to come well first in each other's lives no exclusions. Mind you, I'm a hopeless romantic but it certainly worked for us. Good luck and long live love.

Both mine and OH families were wary when we started seeing each other, but we took it slow and eventually they just got used to it. When we eventually moved in together nobody turned a hair.

How long have you know each other OP?

It all sounds a bit intense.

Has it all been a bit of a whirlwind Knittingnovice? Heady stuff and talk of moving in together?
Maybe his family do have his best interests at heart?
Take Peasblossom's advice and play the long game...

Thanks Gagojo for sharing your story. I don't want to go into details, but I'm suspecting a nightmare daughter is part of the story.

Thanks everybody for taking the time to post. I'm really trying to see things rationally. I am romantic at heart I think which doesn't help.

you say ..... 'I think he is depressed with it all and losing confidence so I don't think he has the strength to deal with it currently. He isn't answering my texts but reading them, so he needs space.'''''

if that is what you think then his family who know him best are right to be worried about him. Don't move to fast. enjoy friendship first.