Is this normal?

I think this is the sort of behaviour which can rapidly get very very out of hand. I know we're not allowed to refer to other threads, but there was one last week........

I agree with some of the other pps, in that a firm conversation needs to take place.

During lockdown we nicknamed our postman the super spreader as he didn't practice any social distancing and wanted to stop and chat with everyone. He even entered my house to put a parcel on the side in the hall!

Anyway back to the original post, no it isn't normal but there is someone in my family who does it and he thinks he is much younger than he actually is and he also thinks he is gods gift to women. I feel sorry for his wife

Oh my this would really hurt me Jezra, I'm so sorry. My self esteem has always been pretty low but that sort of behaviour would crush most women I'd have thought.
Years ago (we're in our early 60s) we were in a Dept store and were browsing through clothes racks separately at a fair distance apart. I glanced up to see my husband with such a strange intensive look on his face. I followed his eyes to a stunning young girl with toned bare midriff and miniskirt (think Love Island material). I physically felt I'd been punched in the gut! I feel hurt now to even recall it. It was the look in his eyes. Stupid I know. Obviously she was getting a fair bit of attention from others too. She was a real 'Goddess'. But it seemed to me my husband was actually devouring her image.
This isn't the same thing, I know as, thank God, this wasn't repeated, at least as far as I know , and also he wasn't blatantly doing this directly in front of me. I don't believe what you are describing is 'the norm' and its absolutely not acceptable. Very disrespectful to you. I would have to seriously tell him in no uncertain terms that you'll not put up with it and if he loves you he must stop this.
I expect there will be some who would just laugh and turn a blind eye----but it wouldn't be me.

I wouldn’t put up with it, first I would stop going out with him, if that didn’t make any difference I would leave,

* is a ridiculous idea.

?
Flirting with random people of a ridiculous idea.
They'll wonder what's come over you and your husband won't notice or else will be fine with it (I'd guess).

I am just picturing my postman, who is someone who is very chatty to everyone on his walk, and how he might react if I did this. ?

Newatthis

How insensitive and how rude. Play him at own game. I know two wrongs don’t make a right but I would be tempted to start dressing a little more sexy and go out and talk to the male neighbours. Plus a little with the postman milkman et cetera and start Ironing eyeing every man that you pass. If he comments tell him he’s being pathetic and overreacting.

Sorry but I really would not advise this. Maintain your dignity even if he has lost sight of his.
Flirt with the postman ??! What is this, Coronation Street circa 1960?

I think we all do it if we’re honest. It doesn’t mean we fancy them, just inquisitive. I would find it odd, and always have done, if my husband never had a sneaky peek. I would have thought that unnatural. What I wouldn’t have wanted, is for him to be openly leering, and just plain vulgar. To be obviously homing in on people is not right.

As others have said, you must have married him knowing he is like this. Maybe it was appealing when you were younger, but just creepy now.

You could always allow your own eyes to wander a little! Depends on how much it really affects you. He should be respectful of however you feel. It’s one of those things that could be taken lightly or not. You know him best. If your relationship is generally good, then maybe ignore it. Otherwise, this could just be a symptom of a slowly deteriorating marriage.

Hithere is spot on.
But you could give him a taste of his own medicine and see how he likes it.

it is about his underlying lack of respect for you.

Yes, but one can't force changes in other people, only in oneself. Is he generally disrespectful of other people or just of his wife? If it's only this one fault (bad enough!) that bugs the OP, avoiding having to witness it might be all that's needed.

Good luck anyway, Jezra.

I agree with Lucca. If he behaves like that in a restaurant, just get up and leave. Please don't put up with this very rude behaviour.

He needs to be careful!!

Tell him to stop. If he carries on doing it then I suggest you start eyeing up younger men. Chat to younger men when you are out and about too. 'what a lovely little dog', isn't it a lovely day'. You get my gist. Give him a taste of his own medicine

Sorry, but this isn't about him ogling other women, it is about his underlying lack of respect for you.
You have asked him to stop it because you dislike it and it quite rightly makes you feel uncomfortable; he dismisses your feelings with contempt.
Not sure where you go from here, but it sounds as though he is not prepared to stop.
How much are you prepared to put up with?

I wouldn't go out with someone who behaved like that. You presumably don't have to eat in restaurants and things like that where he indulges in flirting behaviour so some of your discomfort is avoidable.

If you are with him when he's chatting inappropriately to neighbours (if it is inappropriate), I guess you could roll your eyes dramatically so that the neighbours know how you feel about it. Who knows, they might even brush him off a bit more than they have done so far.

I think you need to be proactive – by behaviour like refusing to go out with him and going out by yourself or with other women and indicating your exasperation with him to neighbours – because he won't change. I hope you can find a way to live with his rudeness by separating yourself from it. It's not about you; it's about him.

Full sympathy though. I'd hate it too.

How unpleasant for you, but how long have you lived with this? It certainly isn’t normal behaviour in a married man. I’m surprised other women love it, especially at his age. I wouldn’t. I pity the younger neighbours he goes out of his way to talk to. I don’t agree with playing him at his own game by flirting with the postman, that just reduces you to his level. I can only suggest you tell him he’s humiliating himself and you and if necessary threaten to leave, though I hope it won’t come to that. Sooner or later the partner of one of the women he ogles or chats to may give him a well deserved punch on the nose. That might bring him to his senses.

I meant to say flirt with the postman and milk man.

How insensitive and how rude. Play him at own game. I know two wrongs don’t make a right but I would be tempted to start dressing a little more sexy and go out and talk to the male neighbours. Plus a little with the postman milkman et cetera and start Ironing eyeing every man that you pass. If he comments tell him he’s being pathetic and overreacting.

I agree with Eviebeanz some men show inappropriate behaviour as they get older. As you say he has always done this it's not likely he will change. Talk to him about how this makes you feel and that women find this inappropriate.

Women who appear to love it are mostly just playing along while, as you say, pitying you.

Good suggestions from others here about letting him know he looks ridiculous, especially to young women.

I guess when life was more normal before the lockdowns you were aware of his behaviour but didn't have so much time to notice it. I agree with Monica, possibly sit him down and explain that he looks like a pathetic dirty old man particularly to the young women. Most of the older women may appear to accept the behaviour but probably don't like it either. I don't think you will be able to change him now but at least he can't say he doesn't know how you feel. If he doesn't care how you feel that is a whole different game.

I agree with lucca if you’ve always accepted it he’s not for changing

If it’s really bad in a restaurant etc why not just get up and leave?
If he’s always done it you must have accepted it so you have to either continue accepting it and not mentioning it or leave the relationship as it seems talking about it doesn’t work. How much do you love him ?

No, it is not normal, although. male or female, I think if you pass the stage when you no longer notice someone you find attractive, you have probably completely lost your libido, but constantly eyeing every woman he sees is something else entirely.

The big question is; is he like the dog constantly chasing sports cars, but wouldn't know what to do with one if he caught it, or is he incipiently unfaithful?. The last is a danger sign and needs to be given deep thought.

But, as others have said, it is not normal and is not acceptable. It is pathetic and far from some women loving it, I think most women are looking at you with pity because you have saddled yourself with such a pathetic apology of a man. The women are probably laughing at him and think him a pathetic old man.

Have you tried telling him that the women he eyes up are probably sniggering at him behind their hands and thinking what a sad and pathetic old man he is. I would suggest that that approach might work better, if he doesn't respond to you saying how much it upsets you. Undermine his confidence in what he is doing, comment on the condescending smiles and the curled lips as they pass him, say how old it makes him look etc etc.