Is this normal?

Your DGD obviously comes from a good family all round. I have one adult son but I always brought him up to respect the opposite sex and the importance of acting appropriately.
He has always had nice girlfriends and his long term partner now is absolutely lovely.

Thank you Jezra I appreciate your posts. DGD and family have just been staying with us and we have been out and about, so I am seeing what DDiL has spoken about. DGD comes from a home where having boyfriends and measuring her success in those terms has never arisen and she is fortunate to have a group of friends from similar backgrounds, in fact, she mentioned one friend as moving away from the group because she was boring - always talking about boys -.

At first I took offence MOnica but now I understand how upsetting it must be for you. I would feel exactly the same.

Thanks for replying M0nica. I see your point. I too have an hour glass figure and from an early age have had men look at me but I didn’t realise the seriousness or awfulness of it until I was much older. I was very naive and I suppose I still am to a certain extent or I wouldn’t have asked the original question.
I see many young girls who have a woman’s figure and they seem to think it’s amusing when they get stared at or they crave the attention. I only hope schools and families are educating them regarding this.

Somehow the above has come out rather garbled but I think the attention is clear, but it is a subject that is very immediate and upsetting for me.

Jezra my grandaughter looks like a woman, that was my point. She could easily pass for an 18 or 19 year old woman if she wanted to. However the mind in side that mature body is still that of a 14 year old girl.

If all he is giving is a quick glance, then what is the problem. From the way you wrote your OP, talking about
Do all men eye, size women up, look at every single woman? I feel like my DH has been doing this always but it seems more noticeable to me now
^I am not imagining it as some women seem to love it, then look at me with pity in their eyes. Other women, especially the really young ones find it funny ( he is in his late 60’s).
He always talks about the young woman next door in her 20’s and looks to see if she is about and if she is will engage her in conversation. He also looks for the woman two doors down who is in her 30’s and does the same.^
If we are in a restaurant or cafe and we are talking to each other his eyes flit ti every woman that passes by or any woman sitting behind me and I find it really irritating.

that is really not my definition of 'glancing'. If women are seeing what he is doing and responding he is as close to leering at those women as makes no difference.

For my DGD's parents, especially myDDiL and to a lesser extent me, to seeing men leering at our lovely 14 year old, is upsetting in the extreme. So far she does not notice it, but soon she will and will have to know that an accident of genetics means she has the kind of hour glass 1940s shape that attracts men and that she is going to have to learn to protect herself from male attention for reasons that are unrelated to anything she may be or do.

All my sympathy, Jezra. I lived with a man like that and know how lowering to the spirits it is. I don't know what the answer is. Eventually he left me and, although I was deeply devasted, nevertheless there was the feeling of relief at not having to endure his endless flirtations any longer.
Do you feel you can put up with it for ever? If not think long and hard about what to do.

“A man unable to control his sexual impulses is very borderline sexual harassment, same as catcalling.
How sad how socially acceptable it is how men sexualize and objectify women.”
This.
I agree.

M0nica has a great point

A man unable to control his sexual impulses is very borderline sexual harassment, same as catcalling.
How sad how socially acceptable it is how men sexualize and objectify women

I couldn't be with anybody who treated my kind like that

I am quite offended by your post MOnica.

Now hold on a minute MOnica! At no time did I mention that my DH looks at children in that way. I also did not say he leered at women. He glances - yes but at women not girls.
You are assuming a lot here.

jezra do not be so casual about the women your H leers at. I have a 14 year old DGD. When she was only 12 she developed a fully formed adult woman hour glass figure, full breasted, tiny waist, rounded hips. She is a ballet dancer and not overweight. She is tall and, even though she is still at an age where boys are boring and irritating, men in the street notice her and eye her up and down. Her mother and I have both noticed it.

For most men that is all it is, a quick glance, as we all give anything that catches her eye, but some looks are more than that and they are frightening and intimidating and, don't forget she is still a child and will be for another 4 years.

What your husband is doing, is not just embarrassing for you. It is making the streets unsafe for children like my DGD to go about their ordinary lives going to and from school, to dancing lessons, to visit friends and go shopping, without knowing that men like your husband and his dirty mind are learing and lusting after them.

Yes, good to hear it! My (2nd) husband tried not to - but sometimes couldn't help it

So pleased Jezra that you have kept a sense of humour here! ?

Thanks everyone else for your input. The only one I thought was risky was the chatting up the post man or the young male neighbours! Please! I have some decorum even if my DH doesn’t at times. ??

I love your answer@GagaJo. ?
We talked about it seriously today.
He said to me that he’s not aware he does it sometimes and that he’ll try not to in future if it makes me upset. I know he loves me and in other ways he is perfectly fine. He’s always trying to please me for instance so we’ll see. Maybe it’s just a lifelong habit that’s hard to kick.

It's normal for some men, so, if he's always done it, just ignore it. After all, there's no harm in just looking. You could start ogling attractive men to get even, I suppose!

yes; i can't see the attraction in such a sleaze-ball.
not only disrespectful to you, but to women generally.
maybe one of the younger ones will tell him what they really think.
unfortunately many women our age have been socially conditioned to be nice, polite, not make a fuss.
so put up with this rubbish. but not for much longer...

Sorry Jezra, but I would have left him by now.

Perhaps I’m mad but I would go along with it. I think part of his enjoyment is that it winds you up. Now you can continue being wound up and made unhappy but you cannot alter another persons actions and thoughts, you have to change your reaction. That is the only thing you can control. If he notices another woman and he knows you’ve caught him then I would say ‘oh yes she is lovely/elegant/sexy’ or whatever she is. Make it sound genuine and pleasant. That should cut short the conversation with him as he has nothing to fight against. You could also say ‘ oh you have such good taste, that’s why you married me’. He is acting like a toddler demanding attention and he knows that if he comments on other ladies he will get attention from you. I wouldn’t worry that anyone would take him on or consider him an nothing more than an old fool, but don’t tell him that. If you knock him, it will just give him more ammunition to wind you up. Keep us updated and I wish you the very best of luck.

?GagaJo

I point out to my bloke, that even in his youth, the women he's indiscreetly looking at would never have looked twice at him. When he's offended by my comments, I tell him to be more subtle in his observations.

He makes assumptions about the men I'd find attractive too. And always gets it wrong. He assumes a George Clooney type is every woman's dream. Whereas I like quirky and intelligent. Looks are irrelevant. Unfathomable to him.

He's got some funny ideas about women, and yet he's with a fat, bossy, independent feminist. Can't be a total idiot.

I don’t think you should play him at his own game, you are then as bad as him and it’s very silly, I’m just wondering , has he always been like this? As I’d be bit concerned it could be the start of something like dementia, I’ve just re read and you say you feel that he’s been doing this always, but worse now, if he’s not ill, ( as no it’s not the norm) then apart from telling him you don’t like it till you are blue in the face there’s not a lot you can do, I don’t think he’s giving you any respect jezra, only you know what you are prepared to accept ongoing

Just laugh at him when he does it and ask him from a male point of view what he finds so attractive about the woman he is devouring with his eyes. Ask him to give them points out of ten. When he says no that is silly say so are you for thinking they would even consider you.
You can't leave him without really thinking it through, maybe he has always been like it and you just didn't notice because you were confident in yourself. I think as women get older they lose their confidence. We hear of silver foxes but no silver vixens. I think some men do as well and it's their way of proving to themselves that they still find women attractive when really they haven't hope in hell.

My bloke does it a bit. He can be quite judgemental too. I try to ignore him, because I think to a certain extent he's attention seeking, but if he's too obvious or judgey I cut him down which he hates.

I think most men look. It's just that most have the common sense to be discreet.