How is a mother-in-law addressed?

Different times, different expectations I think. EP says s/he doesn't think children address their parents by their first names, but my son calls us by our first names (and some less polite other terms ?). My husband used to call my parents by their first names, yet the expectation was I should have called his parents mum and dad. I did not, as I had my own Mum and Dad, and he was calling my parents by their first names.

I see the kindness in EP's thoughts on this, and it is one of those social anomalies which could cause embarrassment through a lack of formal practice. However, we live in less formal times than previous generations, so I think first names are now appropriate. I certainly don't expect my son's long term partner to call me mum!

202 posts all saying Mum/first name/granny/nothing if humanly possible/mother-in-law (maybe) /old bat (behind her back)
Nobody -unsurprisingly - going down the Auntie Jane route .

To quote Mr Bennett “That will do extremely well, child. You have delighted us long enough”

First name from the beginning, before they are married!

Of course I'm joking!! See my subsequent post

f77ms

kittylester

I insist on being called Mrs Lester. They should show respect!

I assume you are joking.?

I hope so!

kittylester

I insist on being called Mrs Lester. They should show respect!

I assume you are joking.?

mimiEliza

I have ever been called by any name in the 14 years I've known my daughter in law, simply nothing. Maybe, referred to Nanny......this or that.... but infrequently. The worst feeling for me though is that the rest of the family are personally named but never me. Very hurtful to be a non entity and highly disrespectful!

Be careful how you interpret this. I never knew what to call my MIL. She signed cards, "Mum and Dad", but she's not my Mum and, since cards were also addressed to her son, it made sense she would sign it that way. I tried 'Mum' one time but it felt unnatural and uncomfortable. Eventually enough time had passed that it felt awkward to ask. Problem solved when I had children. I just used her GM name. Decades have gone by and I still don't know what to call her. No disrespect intended.

My Daughter in Law calls Me Mother in law ..Ie are you ok Mother in law?...how r u Mother in law

(In hospital and the care homes, my mother insisted on being called 'Mrs H...' - and thought it very rude of non-family members to address her by her first name - so wouldn't even answer.)

First name - of course, or sometimes 'old bitch' (jokingly).

What I find truly creepy, though, is a relative calling her husband's parents 'Mum' and 'Dad'. She also signed her name as 'Mrs (his first and surname) - very odd!

I called my mother in law Mrs Surname until we were married and then avoided any naming until I could refer to her as Nana when speaking of her. I tried using her first name and it was not approved of.
My DiLs and Sil all use my Christian name without hesitation. I suppose it’s a generational thing?

Mum as she is more of a mother than my real one.

I have two sons. One daughter in law likes to call me Mum and the other calls me by my first name.

I divorced when my son was a toddler, and sadly due to distance never had the opportunity to properly know my mil. But she was a kind, warm woman who asked me to call her by her christian name.

I’m also known by my christian name to my dil.

When growing up my son did call a couple of my friends ‘auntie name’, so I’m familiar with the concept. However it wouldn’t occur to me ask him to call a friend that now he’s an adult. Same for my dil, she was a grown adult when we met. Her calling me auntie would feel bizarre.

As for calling me Mrs, I just can’t imagine us having the relationship we do now with that level of formality. I was able to visit the hospital less than 12 hours after she’d given birth to my grandson. She was (understandably) tired and emotional. Im not sure she would have felt comfortable having me there had we had that ‘barrier’ between us. We spent last night exchanging text messages about strictly. I can’t see how we would have developed such an easy relationship had I expected her to address me the same way the bank teller does. Respect isn’t reserved for those older than us. My dil is as deserving and worthy of my respect as i am of hers. What if she also expected me to refer to her as ‘Mrs’. She’d be as entitled to that as I would, surely? I also can’t imagine playing with my grandson in HER living room. Enjoying the wonderful boy she and my son have raised, and then expecting her to call me Mrs, as if we’re no closer than a pupil and headmistress.

I agree my MIL was not my mother/mum I had one and she was the only one I wanted, so called her by her forename. My children's other halves have always called me and my husband by our first names.

First name

My MIL was Mrs……., never ever her first name. That would be totally disrespectful.
When I had children we called her Granny.
Respect is sometimes forgotten. Christian names for parents is a definite no no.

I always felt awkward addressing my MIL, never knew what to call her, so always introduced myself and husband by first names.
Most people seem to use Christian names these days.

First name, why not.

Fronkydonky, what a fabulous name! ?

My son in law calls me by my Christian name.

mimiEliza

I have ever been called by any name in the 14 years I've known my daughter in law, simply nothing. Maybe, referred to Nanny......this or that.... but infrequently. The worst feeling for me though is that the rest of the family are personally named but never me. Very hurtful to be a non entity and highly disrespectful!

That sounds sad, mimiEliza, but I have to ask, when your son and dil first married, did you ever make any suggestion to your dil as to what you would like her to call you? For instance, did you ever say anything like " Now that you are married, please (feel free to) call me XXX?

Quite a lot of us on here have said that we never dared call our mils anything at all because they never made any suggestions and we were too shy to ask what they would find acceptable.

I know that might not apply in your case, but I wanted to mention it just in case

mimiEliza

I have ever been called by any name in the 14 years I've known my daughter in law, simply nothing. Maybe, referred to Nanny......this or that.... but infrequently. The worst feeling for me though is that the rest of the family are personally named but never me. Very hurtful to be a non entity and highly disrespectful!

Yet maybe she would not like to call you Mum, and thinks it might be rude or might feel awkward about calling you by your first name and would feel it would be too stiff to address you as Mrs Surname as she is your daughter-in-law.

So not necessarily disrespectful, maybe just trying to be polite according to her upbringing and her look on life.

So perhaps say, if you wish to do so "You can call me Auntie Name if you like" and maybe that would work for both of you, family but not too familiar if that is her way of thinking, which it might be.

Alas, I have never been married, but I think that I would have felt Auntie Name would have been best all round if she were happy with that, bearing in mind that some of the people I knew as Auntie were not genetic relations, only related by being married to a genetic relation.

I hope it all works out for you. If so, this thread will have done some good.

Mrs N

Even though her son and I divorced after 7 years, I continued call my MiL Mum P until she passed away last year, 38 years after I married her son. She was a lovely lady.