How is a mother-in-law addressed?

First name for me.

I never called my MiL anything. She never made any suggestions, and I was far too young and shy to ask how I should address her.

As I didn't see much of her, it wasn't usually a problem, but I do remember one occasion where it was difficult.
We were visiting her, but OH had gone out. Mil was upstairs when someone knocked on the back door. I went to call up the stairs to see if she wanted me to open the door, but I didn't know what to call her, so returned to the living room and pretended I had heard nothing! (I found out a long time afterwards that she had heard them knock anyway but didn't want to let them in !!!).

I thought it was just me, but now know that my much older sil (OH's elder brother's wife) never knew what to call her either. If the grandchildren were present, 'Grandma' was the obvious solution, but that didn't work if they weren't there!

My own lovely Dils have always called me by my first name. They also call my elderly mother by her first name, and she's perfectly happy with that. I find it hard to imagine anyone doing anything else in modern Britain, though obviously I realize that this is bound to vary between different cultures.

I dont think tensions are caused by the names we use, they are caused by interactions over long periods of time.

Well it’s a theory EP but clearly one with little substance.

MayBeMaw

^The idea of a MiL being addressed as Auntie Given_name was just something I thought of. I wondered if it ever happens - it appears from this thread thus far that it does not^

So we are discussing a hypothetical situation which I think all of us who have , have had or have been or who are MILs agree does not exist

So the point is…….?

Concerned at the great distress that gets reported between MiL and DiL in some families, I wondered if the DiL addressing the MiL as Auntie Given_name might result in better relationships.

Bearing in mind that about half of my own aunts and uncles (some of whom were great aunts and great uncles, though "great" was never used except when understanding how they were related to me) were only so regarded because of being married to one of my direct relatives, I wondered if a MiL being addressed and thought of as an aunt might be a helpful way for things to be. As children do not usually address their own parents by their Given_name it just seems peculiar to me that their spouses do.

So I wondered if that is already being done. There is no evidence from this thread that such a practice already exists.

I think it would be nice for a DiL to regard her MiL as if her own aunt.

I just wonder if the tensions in some of the MiL and DiL distress threads might not have happened if the DiL had, by invitation after her marriage, known her MiL as Auntie Given_name, and so the two ladies would have interacted with each other differently. Sort of like a butterfly effect of that little tiny change leading to a very different, happier, result.

I asked MiL what she would like to be called and she opted for Mother. Nowadays I would seek permission to use Mil (as in Milly) as I think it's fun and therefore more intimate.

I am called Nana by all my family, even my grandchildren.

My MiL was also my employer for several years. When I married her son, I was still a little intimidated by her. I didn't call her anything until the children came along, and then she was addressed as Grandma.
My SiL and DiL call me by my name.

Sons - in -law call me by my first name although at the moment one of them calls me ‘the baby whisperer’ ?
DH called my Dad by his first name and my Mum was’ Hip’ (don’t ask).
I don’t think I really call MIL anything nor did I with FIL. I certainly couldn’t have called the Mum or Dad.

I called my in laws by my husband's name with mum/dad attached i.e. John's dad.

It wasn't something that I would have thought of doing but they already had a daughter in law and this is what she did, and I just followed suit.

I called my MIL by her first name as did she for her MIL , in fact from the first time I met them they said to call them by their christian names. They were very down to earth people with no airs or graces. My hubby never really called my mother by her first name although he did my dad. My Sil calls us by our names and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Got punctuation a bit muddled there!

My parents both addressed their mothers in law as "Mum". My German mother in law formally gave me permission to use the informal Du" I think it was when we got engaged. I never called her Mutti, but then nor did my DH. I resorted to *silverlining's polite coughing if ever necessary.

My own daughters in law call me by my Christian name - sort of a tacit agreement. I would be mortified if any of them addressed me directly as "Nanna". That is reserved for the little ones.

My one remaining aunt is still Auntie Grace even though she's now over 100.

The idea of a MiL being addressed as Auntie Given_name was just something I thought of. I wondered if it ever happens - it appears from this thread thus far that it does not

So we are discussing a hypothetical situation which I think all of us who have , have had or have been or who are MILs agree does not exist

So the point is…….?

My Dil calls me by my name unless it's as a couple in cards etc or to my son she will say 'ask mum if she'd like tea' etc, instead of say 'ask YOUR mum' etc.

FlexibleFriend

I called my Mil by her first name, would have been weird to call her anything else as we worked for the same company. My Dil calls me mum, which is her choice or nanny if grandson is present.

Not necessarily. You could call her by her first name at work and address her in some other way in the family environment.

This can also happen when a young woman goes to work in an all-first names office alongside a woman of her mother's age whom she has known since the age of five in her home locality and has always addressed as Mrs Surname.

The young woman feels awkward about suddenly addressing her as Given_name when she has always known her as Mrs Surname, but Mrs Surname wisely says that she should so as to fit in at the office, the young woman feels awkward, so Mrs Surname suggests and they agree that the young woman addresses her as Given_name in the office and as Mrs Surname if she happens to see her in the locality where they live.

I also called some friends of my parents "Auntie" and " Uncle".

Work colleagues of my father were addressed as "Mr Brown" etc.

However, now I am a grown-up ( most of the time! ), I find it hard to drop the "Auntie" and to just use their name.

I still address one of my late Mum's neighbours as "Mr Smith", even though I am now in my 60s, and he has said " call me Bob". I cannot do it, seems just wrong!

Madam of course - I have insisted upon that from the start - respect where it is due!

Used to avoid calling them anything, relied on catching their eye if I needed to address them. Otherwise coughed and ahemed.

Sons in law and adult step children all use my first name. Young step grandchildren call me Nanny Soda. No problems then.

Have to ask Jaxjacky - various husbands??

I could never think of one . but when she became grandmother to my children she was 'nanny'

I’ve always called by various husbands parents by their Christian names from the first day I met them, both their Father’s and Mother’s, husbands did the same with my parents.

Kitty ?

First names here but MrM uses sos, bro, da, ma, sis, cuz and he's grumps to his DGC.

Kitty I like your style ?

First name