Grandson growing up is upsetting me.. daft I know...

I know the feeling of missing being part of the GC's every day life now but it is a natural progression of life. I have recently had a chat with my son who is missing his son who has recently left home. He said how surprised he was he missed him so much, I had to gently smile and say tell me about it!

I would be happy that I had such a great relationship with my grandson , he’s 15 years old a young man making his way in the world, he will come back I’m sure

He will be back - like our children, who seem to want to break free at some point in the teenage years, but come back again as adults, it happens with the GC too. My oldest GC was with me a great deal when he was tiny - but circumstances meant I didn't see him as often as I would have liked when he was a teenager. Now he is in his twenties and lives nearby; we are friends.

SKYDANCER take comfort from the lovely words of ANNEsixty "a foundation built in the early years seldom crumbles" deep in his heart he will always hold a special love for you as i hope my GS will too,he is only 7 but i too have looked after him since he was a baby 7 days a week and doing the school run currently every day,we have days out together and i love him with all my heart,itoo have been dreading him growing up and away from me but Annesixty has set my mind at rest as i hope she has yours with her words of wisdom.

I was childcare for all my 4 grandchildren from when the eldest was 6 months old, she's 9 now. I also did the nursery/school drop offs and pick ups. Then lockdown happened and it all changed. My daughter in law now works from home permanently so she does the school runs etc now for her 2 children. My daughter goes into work now and I still have the little one (terrible two's ?) but his brother has started school this year so I don't have him no either.
I think the lockdown changed a lot of things which have now become the norm. I miss doing the school runs with them all and their happy chatter but I am also liking having a bit more free time.
I have recently moved a little furthur away too so I'm not able to do them anymore as I'm not in the same village and I don't drive. 2 grandsons had their first sleepover at mine this weekend and I have more planned. I am making the most of the time we have now because they grow up so quickly and then have more freedom, friends etc and they won't have time for anything else. I am happy if they are happy though and they also know that if anything is worrying/bothering them I will always be here for them no matter how old they are.
I'm sure he still loves you loads and if he needs you he knows where you are. They don't stop loving us when they hit their teens. They are just developing into young adults and enjoying their new found freedom with their friends. That's just how it is.
Enjoy your free time xx

Who knows - you may find that he'll pop into visit with one or more of his pals. More likely if the welcome is cheery and doesn't focus on times when he hasn't been by. Although that can be hard to avoid saying when you miss them. My oldest grandson is about that age and has been and at times is still going through "that stage". Still likes a cuppa and a chat tho.

Such positive thoughts here and I feel better having talked it through with you all. When my 2 children grew up I had a job and a busy social life so lots to do once they'd gone. Now, in my 70s, I have no job and not enough energy for much of a social life. The days with my GS were the happiest I've ever known and it's just so hard to realise how old he is and how mature he's becoming. He's my only one so he is so special to me. I know I'll still see plenty of him as he lives locally but just not as much as before. As you say, time doesn't stand still. Thank you, everyone.

I would just be grateful that he was becoming independent- look at it another way - would you really like a teenager to still be tied to his grandma's (or mum's) apron strings? I can remember when my boys became teenagers and their friends suddenly became their number one priority - it's hard, but completely normal. They are both in their 30s now and are very close to us and we speak several times a week; they go, but do come back!

I empathise Skydancer with your feelings. MY lovely GS went a bit quiet and moody at 14 and didn't emerge from his bedroom. He is 17 now much more chatty, plays his guitar for us without having to be persuaded and always gives me a really warm hug and shakes DH hand now as a young man should. I'm sure this will happen with your GS too.

Oh Skydancer! I feel for you, my boy_ 6 yrs- is my life and I’m already thinking of how hard it will hit me when he doesn’t need me so much. But I’m hoping that , like you, having been such a hands on Nan that there will be a bond strong enough to see out the teenage years and beyond. Loads of love to you x

I’m pretty sure he’ll come back to you and have an amazing relationship with you but you’ve given him such confidence that he feels able to stretch his wings.
You’ve clearly been an epic Nan, lucky boy! Hang in there a really special (but different) relationship with him will be yours I’m sure.

Skydancer, the time and care you have given GS will never be lost. He may prefer to be with his friends now but he will never forget the love and care you gave him and that stability will stand him in good stead for adult life. You have done a great job and when he is older he will remember and appreciate all you did for him .
Now put those new glad rags on and enjoy that day out!

Wouldn't you feel a lot more upset if your grandson was not growing up? I know how you feel - been there, done that - but you would not really want him to remain 5 years old for ever. That would be weird.

I have five grandchildren whom I cared for from when they were small babies while their parents were at work. They are all grown p now but I still remember the days of their babyhood and early childhood as some of the happiest times of my life.
I won't say anymore as it will ''out'' me, but like your children, they all fly the nest.

We have also been a constant in our grandson’s life from day one, and I have been psyching myself up for this as he is that age too. We were lucky enough to have him stay for two days recently but it’s becoming increasingly apparent that that door is swinging shut. Our interests don’t coincide so much these days. So be it. I’m grateful that he has friends and a life that we aren’t involved in - in short, a measure of independence. As long as he’s still happy to be lured over here for the odd Sunday roast from time to time, I’ll be content!

Lolo
I agree entirely, let them go, and they will probably come back, if they don’t, well, be happy for the years you had.

I was lucky enough to have all 4 of my grandparents growing up. When I went through the inevitable stage of urrrghh grown ups at that age my GP’s had very different reactions. My paternal GP’s guilt tripped me, tried to buy my affection and were generally very clingy, which made me mistrustful of them and want to retreat even further. My maternal GP’s especially my darling Papa were the exact opposite, they’d give me a call through the week for a quick hello, we’re always interested in my life and my friends and were a constant place of safety for me. As a result I gladly spent time with them as an adult, I loved them with all my heart and I miss my Papa in particular every day. I did eventually get on a better footing with my Paternal GP’s when I had my own children, but that was a decade later and tbh, although I did love them there wasn’t the same emotional closeness, more a sense of duty.

My point is, your GS is becoming a young man, spreading his wings - let him fly, be proud of your input because you’ve influenced the person he is and the man he’ll become. If he’s like me he’ll appreciate the room to mature and grow and he’ll come back to the fold and love you all the more for it.

I always went to stay with my grandparents in the school holidays. Until the summer when I was 15, when I selfishly wanted to stay at home and see my friends instead. I felt very grown up. My Granny died suddenly that December so I never had another chance. Granny must have been very sad, especially as I was her only grandchild and Grandad still worked so she was alone a lot, but she kept it to herself. How I wish I could go back to those days, such happy memories. Your grandson will always have those lovely memories too OP, and will always love you. He will value all you have given him and taught him. It’s just a new beginning, the butterfly has emerged at last, and you’ll still see lots of him, but he’s finding his independence, a new and heady thing at that age. Be pleased for him, this is what you and his parents have prepared him for all these years. You will always be the rock he can turn to. That won’t change.

This will be me in a few years. My DGS is the light of my life. But I know my time with him is limited. Sad but true.

I agree completely with what Annsixty said. Hold on to that Don't, whatever you do, let him see you feel upset.

Be patient, it won’t last long. Then he’ll be back, no longer your baby but a young man of whom you will feel proud. ?

'A foundation built in the early years seldom crumbles'

Such wise words from annsixty

I will hold on to them.

I sure they will hold strong for you Skydancer

Goodness, I think you are lucky that he got to fifteen and still wants to do things with you.
Mine range from two to twenty two, the oldest I have a close and lovely relationship with, but for several years saw very little of her. The next one is now seventeen, and I don’t expect to see much of him, the next batch, twelve year olds are on the cusp of finding me uncool, but the little ones still love me!
Just be thankful for what you’ve had.

Skydancer- you sound like you are a wonderful granny. I’ve come to the conclusion you just have to let them go so they can come back xx

SkyDancer I have 5 DGSs aged 18-31 and I was always involved with their childcare and after school care even having them for all the school holidays when we lived abroad for 10yrs.
Now they are all grown up and in relationships (except youngest) they always talk about their time spent with my late husband and me with affection I just adore them all along with their sister who is 20 now be proud of the grounding you have given your DGS he will remember it all his life x