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Grandson growing up is upsetting me.. daft I know...

(37 Posts)
Skydancer Sat 18-Sep-21 09:36:58

I've helped with care of my GS since he was a baby. The times we've spent together have been wonderful. Days out in school holidays involving all sorts of activities for example. Taking care of him after school 3 evenings a week while parents work. Now he's 15 and only really interested in his friends. Today I was going to his house to spend the afternoon with him but now he's going out with other lads. I know, I know ..... this is what happens but I miss that boy so much. I don't know how not to feel upset. I know all the usual remedies in that I must get hobbies and interests but I already have plenty. I made him my world and perhaps I shouldn't have. I just feel the years have flown and want to cry.

Calendargirl Sat 18-Sep-21 09:44:58

There comes a time when Granny and Grandad just aren’t so important. Sad but true.

I was walking into town the other day, saw both my GC, (16 and 13) walking to school, opposite side of the road. I gave a cheery wave, GS’s hand went up and down very quickly, GD waved a bit more noticeably, but not much.

Not cool to be waving to Granny, your friends might see you!

Granny23 Sat 18-Sep-21 09:52:33

I made him my world and perhaps I shouldn't have Please don't regret the time you spent with him. It will stay with you and with him as happy memories for the rest of your lives. As parents and grandparents, we raise the chicks to be confident, independent, happy people and must have the confidence to let them fly free in the big wide world. The bond built up in childhood will stand him in good stead and will be a safe haven for him to return to in times of stress as well as times of achievement.

Skydancer Sat 18-Sep-21 10:33:46

Granny23 thank you for such kind words. I know you are absolutely right of course. I'm a very emotional person and my family are my world but of course the young ones are all doing their own thing and sometimes I feel old and redundant. I've decided to treat myself to some new clothes and a nice day out. Something to lift the spirits.

yggdrasil Sat 18-Sep-21 10:38:02

So do /your/ own thing. Join the U3A

annsixty Sat 18-Sep-21 10:38:15

I looked after my first GC from being just months old 3days a week until she went to school and then school pickup and tea until she was a teen.
We were exceptionally close due to family circumstances.
When the teen years came along we were still close but didn’t see so much of her but accepted it.
When my H died when she was 21 she moved in with me after a few months and is still here two years later.
We have our moments but she looks after me brilliantly and we are as close as ever.
A foundation built in the early years seldom crumbles.

Deedaa Sat 18-Sep-21 10:48:07

I looked after GS1 5 days a week from the age of 6 months until he started school. He often seemed like my own baby. Once he was at school I still did most of the drop offs and pick ups until he went on to secondary school. Now I don't see very much of him, he's nearly 15 and 6' 2" and spends most of his time in his room being a teenager. We have occasional outings (theatre this week) and when I recently gave him and his friends a lift home from school I wasn't made to feel like an embarrassment so I think we're OK!

Nannarose Sat 18-Sep-21 11:01:34

I do think that 'covid times' have amplified normal emotions.
Don't worry about what you are feeling - completely normal. Enjoy the time that you do have together, whenever it happens - just the odd hour or so, or time at Xmas etc.
You could even try specifically asking him: Could we arrange to have a walk / play a game / whatever - and get a time that suits him? he may even respond well to a 'set time'.
And remember that all you have done with him is there, within him!

Redhead56 Sat 18-Sep-21 11:13:00

It’s temporary you will get his attention back. He is just trying to be independent and grown up.?

Aveline Sat 18-Sep-21 11:16:52

I still think of my dear grandparents almost every day. They were such a large part of my childhood and helped make me the person that I am today. The time spent with your DGS Skydancer will always be a part of him. Of course you're missing him. He's a big loss from your life. He'll be back!

Skydancer Sat 18-Sep-21 11:50:29

Thanks, every one of you. I know I can always count on kind and supportive words from Gransnetters. Bless you all.

Bibbity Sat 18-Sep-21 11:58:40

If it's any consolation I remember losing interest in my Nanna at during that time. Now in my 30s she is the absolute centre of mine, my sister and cousins world. We all call her regularly, go around when we can. She is easily one of the most beloved people in my life.

glammanana Sat 18-Sep-21 12:16:32

SkyDancer I have 5 DGSs aged 18-31 and I was always involved with their childcare and after school care even having them for all the school holidays when we lived abroad for 10yrs.
Now they are all grown up and in relationships (except youngest) they always talk about their time spent with my late husband and me with affection I just adore them all along with their sister who is 20 now be proud of the grounding you have given your DGS he will remember it all his life x flowers

3dognight Sat 18-Sep-21 12:34:42

Skydancer- you sound like you are a wonderful granny. I’ve come to the conclusion you just have to let them go so they can come back xx

Sara1954 Sat 18-Sep-21 15:10:11

Goodness, I think you are lucky that he got to fifteen and still wants to do things with you.
Mine range from two to twenty two, the oldest I have a close and lovely relationship with, but for several years saw very little of her. The next one is now seventeen, and I don’t expect to see much of him, the next batch, twelve year olds are on the cusp of finding me uncool, but the little ones still love me!
Just be thankful for what you’ve had.

Cherrytree59 Sat 18-Sep-21 15:22:40

'A foundation built in the early years seldom crumbles'

Such wise words from annsixty

I will hold on to them.

I sure they will hold strong for you Skydancersmile

Whitewavemark2 Sat 18-Sep-21 15:45:57

Be patient, it won’t last long. Then he’ll be back, no longer your baby but a young man of whom you will feel proud. ?

kittylester Sat 18-Sep-21 15:54:18

I agree completely with what Annsixty said. Hold on to that Don't, whatever you do, let him see you feel upset.

GagaJo Sat 18-Sep-21 16:12:44

This will be me in a few years. My DGS is the light of my life. But I know my time with him is limited. Sad but true.

Germanshepherdsmum Sat 18-Sep-21 16:29:24

I always went to stay with my grandparents in the school holidays. Until the summer when I was 15, when I selfishly wanted to stay at home and see my friends instead. I felt very grown up. My Granny died suddenly that December so I never had another chance. Granny must have been very sad, especially as I was her only grandchild and Grandad still worked so she was alone a lot, but she kept it to herself. How I wish I could go back to those days, such happy memories. Your grandson will always have those lovely memories too OP, and will always love you. He will value all you have given him and taught him. It’s just a new beginning, the butterfly has emerged at last, and you’ll still see lots of him, but he’s finding his independence, a new and heady thing at that age. Be pleased for him, this is what you and his parents have prepared him for all these years. You will always be the rock he can turn to. That won’t change.

Lolo81 Sat 18-Sep-21 16:51:19

I was lucky enough to have all 4 of my grandparents growing up. When I went through the inevitable stage of urrrghh grown ups at that age my GP’s had very different reactions. My paternal GP’s guilt tripped me, tried to buy my affection and were generally very clingy, which made me mistrustful of them and want to retreat even further. My maternal GP’s especially my darling Papa were the exact opposite, they’d give me a call through the week for a quick hello, we’re always interested in my life and my friends and were a constant place of safety for me. As a result I gladly spent time with them as an adult, I loved them with all my heart and I miss my Papa in particular every day. I did eventually get on a better footing with my Paternal GP’s when I had my own children, but that was a decade later and tbh, although I did love them there wasn’t the same emotional closeness, more a sense of duty.

My point is, your GS is becoming a young man, spreading his wings - let him fly, be proud of your input because you’ve influenced the person he is and the man he’ll become. If he’s like me he’ll appreciate the room to mature and grow and he’ll come back to the fold and love you all the more for it.

Sara1954 Sat 18-Sep-21 17:00:03

I agree entirely, let them go, and they will probably come back, if they don’t, well, be happy for the years you had.

Greyduster Sat 18-Sep-21 17:22:11

We have also been a constant in our grandson’s life from day one, and I have been psyching myself up for this as he is that age too. We were lucky enough to have him stay for two days recently but it’s becoming increasingly apparent that that door is swinging shut. Our interests don’t coincide so much these days. So be it. I’m grateful that he has friends and a life that we aren’t involved in - in short, a measure of independence. As long as he’s still happy to be lured over here for the odd Sunday roast from time to time, I’ll be content!

pinkprincess Sat 18-Sep-21 20:51:42

I have five grandchildren whom I cared for from when they were small babies while their parents were at work. They are all grown p now but I still remember the days of their babyhood and early childhood as some of the happiest times of my life.
I won't say anymore as it will ''out'' me, but like your children, they all fly the nest.

NotTooOld Sat 18-Sep-21 21:04:20

Wouldn't you feel a lot more upset if your grandson was not growing up? I know how you feel - been there, done that - but you would not really want him to remain 5 years old for ever. That would be weird.