Both retired(important) does your dh ask ?

I know ( and truly appreciate the fact) that I am very lucky. I am retired, MrLP is still working.

On a weekend/day off/holiday he always asks in the morning - " is there anything that you would like to do today?" That is my chance to suggest somewhere to go or do, from visiting a new open garden or a market, to digging a hole in the garden for yet another plant! ( I don't have a lot of strength in my hands, and find digging our heavy soil hard work).

If I don't need to go anywhere/need a hand with something, he will quite happily amuse himself with one of his own hobbies or interests. I never feel that he doesn't put me first - though he does tend to lose track of time when working on a project!

We have things that we do together, and our own separate interests. I do agree however, with those who have suggested telling your OH exactly what you want them to do. They definitely don't see jobs/tasks/problems the way we do!

Take care, x

I once read a book , well I have actually read more than one but this particular one was ‘ Why Men Don’t Listen and Women Can’t Read Maps’. I discovered that saying will instead of can was more effective. Eg asking ‘ can you take the bins out’ is interpreted as an enquiry as to whether he is capable of taking the bins out whereas ‘will you’ means take the bins out. (NOW?)
If I was on the motorway with you and asked if you needed a coffee or the loo at the next service station you would know that I did! Men seem to be more literal and are likely to respond with a no.
Now I take the more direct approach and just say ‘stop at the next services please’ and he does so very happily.
I think that I learnt more useful information from that book than any other!

Why not go on Strike... As now both "Retired" make him do his own ironing, properly share the housework, tell him and don't do it. Share the cooking as well. You need to get it right otherwise you will have a very unhappy life.
You need to enjoy your time too perhaps going out at night? Night classes or such?
We are both "Retired" but I work 2 days a week, at home atm and my DH has no option, he wants dinner he cooks it!

I feel sorry for your husband. I'm just so happy that I don't have to make plans and fit in with anyone else. I can do exactly what I want, when I want, depending on the weather - and my mood.

I'd find it really difficult too, as I'd just resent 'wasting' my time to keep the other person happy. I've been married twice (divorced then widowed) - and in many relationships, but my partners have always fitted in with my plans - or gone off to do their own thing. It's just how I am.

Sounds as though you’re seething in silence Clio51. Why not talk about it all in general one evening?
Communication is key.

You are not unreasonable at all you need to sit him down and talk. Retirement can be very difficult we worked together when we retired there were a few rows.
My DH took to watching tv all day that drove me mad we had to talk about what we could do to make it work. Now I think we have the balance right it’s about compromise really.

Have you discussed this with him gently and quietly? If you just go along with him in unquestioning (albeit aggrieved) silence, it is not unreasonable for him to think you're okay with it. Conversely, you could pop out and do your own thing(s) whenever it suits you and see how he respoonds.

He sounds very selfish to me.

How long have you both been retired? Is this 'teething' troubles?
What was your relationship before retirement? Usual scenario is wife takes main responsibility for housework and that role remains (helps you to adjust to retirement) but husband has lost his daily routine. I say that as your husband has given himself a daily routine of 'going to the shops'. Again he gives himself regular 'organised' activities. Is he really enjoying these or needing to give himself purpose? Maybe he is not so much thoughtless but simply a bit lost.
Have a frank discussion on how you each would like to spend time in retirement. Maybe sometimes together, sometimes apart but always respecting the other's needs. Maybe share housework duties so you are both free at the same time.
Wish you a long and happy retirement together.

I’m afraid you have to tell them if you want something and be assertive about it. I find this quite difficult but I’ve accepted that the obvious just doesn’t occur to him.

So
I’m going to the shop. I’ll be back before 10,30
No. You have to take mirror down and move the furniture before you go.

I find he’s quite amenable to being told ?

Equally. Get in first with
On Tuesday we are going to wherever. Dont arrange tennis on that day.

Don’t expect him to think of that on his own because he’ll just stick to his routine otherwise.

My birthday present was joint membership of the National Trust and he said he would come any day when he wasnt playing bowls ????

So glad I live on my own….