Struggling to feel any joy

They probably do more nattering than knitting so don’t let that put you off! And someone would be pleased to help you out, perhaps a scarf for something useful and not too challenging or squares from oddments of wool which can be sewn together for a throw. Have you thought about family history for a hobby? Lots can be done online and it’s very absorbing. I’m so pleased you’re looking forwards now!

Just spoke with my dog walking pal and she is up for the pub hehe. I’m trying to think of a hobbie I might enjoy. They do a knit and natter at said pub but only the nattering is my cup of tea lol xx

Sounds like a plan ceejayjay ?

It’s decided then it’s the pub outside as a first step
Something to get a little bit dressed up for, for a change lol xx

I think there's no need to force yourself into an indoor situation, if you don't want to.
It's great that you have dog-walking friends and, as someone already suggested, I think it'd be a good idea to ask your friend to the pub to sit outside.

Isn’t it just! Been there, done that! You will have much more freedom then.

Thankyou Germanshepherdsmum your posts have been very helpful. the weekend shifts pay an enhanced rate so going forward with the divorce they are ideal. But I will see about using some annual leave if I have enough left. I will ask my dog walking friend if she can do an early teatime, only issue is on my days off she stays over at her Mums house as she works in Hull both those days. Honestly these unsocial hours I work lol. I do enjoy my friends popping in for coffee but not when my soon to be ex is around but thats something to look forward to in the future too xx

This is probably a daft question but is it remotely possible for you to change one of the long weekend shifts? Maybe swap with someone, even if just occasionally? Sorry, I’m sure you’ve thought of that already. But if your hours could fit in with your daughter/grandchild/friend sometimes that would make a huge difference wouldn’t it? Or even maybe invite your friend round for a coffee after one of your walks?

Would it be possible to pop into the pub early evening mid-week when it’s less likely to be busy?

Just to add its years since Ive been in a pub except my DD hen do which made me really poorly afterwards due to my anxiety and its months and months since I went in any shops so it will be quite a big thing lol xx

Thankyou all <3 the only problem I have is we dont have day times. My friend works 9-5 Mon to Fri as do most people lol and I do 10 hour shifts Sat and Sun then work 3 other afternoon into evening shifts. Thats a barrier to coordinating things with others especially my DD and GS. Im going to really think over next few days as to what I can do to make myself happier xx

It’s a great idea and well done for thinking of it. I expect the pub isn’t very busy during the day, other than lunchtime, so perhaps at first just pop in for a coffee with your friend and the dogs? You sound like you’re really starting to look forward. Working from home is very isolating so little opportunities to get out will help you. I don’t like crowds either so I get that. Let your dog help you open a few doors, they’re very good at that! Good luck!

It's a great idea, but why not choose a sunny day and sit at an outside table at the pub with your friend and the dogs as a first visit?
Then you'd only have to go inside to order drinks or use the toilet. You can acclimatise gradually.

Im touched by all these replies and am so grateful to you all.
Theres some great advise here and thanks for the hugs too. Im making a plan things on my list are
make arrangements to see Grandson more frequently
keep up with my daily walks which I love and so does my dog lol
Try meditation and breathing techniques. consider anti depressants
Try to find a hobby I enjoy
Keep reading
Make lists of things I would like to do and plan ahead
Never turn down an invite

Im thinking Im already talking to lots of dog walkers so thats very good as Im isolated working from home. Ive made a new dog walking friend and we walk together on these dark nights for safety. She is going to a halloween thing today and it was a stark reminder that people are now doing things again lol. Im still in lockdown mode as its suited me working from home and only going out with the dog. All my shopping is delivered as I struggle to get in shops with my issues. Ive had a thought, the little pub in my village allow dogs in so was thinking of asking friend if we should call in with dogs but Im so worried it will cause me a melt down as so often happens in social situations and then I will beat myself up for putting myself in that situation, what do you all think ? Thanks in advance xx

Ceejayjay the aftermath of divorce is obviously always a time of huge stress. Put this together with MH issues (and isolation due to working from home), and it's going to be a long road.
But you've started. You've shared your concerns with us.
Somebody is going to write something that will resonate with you. Compared with the majority of us, you are a young woman.
My advice? - make yourself go out (a regular coffee date with a friend, an evening class, a craft group, join a political local group), chat to other dog-walkers, maybe join a dog training group.
A friend, bereaved in her 40s, once told me to never turn down an invitation (even a cinema trip to a film you think you'll hate!!) as people may not ask again.

Ceejayjay, I have a friend with a MH condition which has tortured her. She's had several breakdowns over it. The last time she had one, she was also badly let down by a close friend. It was in the middle of lockdown, so she couldn't go to family.

This friend has found a lot of peace in painting. I've seen photographs of her paintings and while they aren't art, they give her great peace and focus. I think it is the repetitive nature of the brush work. I find a similar relaxation in hand sewing. The regular stitching calms my mind.

Is there a hobby you could try that might have the same effect? There is no requirement to be good. Just to find pleasure in it.

When I was working full time I always tried to plan well ahead for social activities with friends or family at weekends. Having something to look forward to in my diary was a terrific help during low mood times. It’s great you have your dog to take out & as others have suggested, try to fit your grandchild in at different times.
Keep your chin up. We’re all here to chat to.

It is so hard, particularly in the present pandemic and with winter approaching. There is so much to feel depressed about and if you are already low then an impending divorce and a seeming separation from your wonderful DGS, would be enough to upset the strongest among us.

You have had some good advice on here. You say you work full time. Do you like your job or find it drains your energy?
Make a list of things you would love to do and plan to make these things happen.
My latest mantra is to take daily vitamin D. None of us in the UK have enough sunshine!

So many posters have given excellent suggestions and tips, much better than I can. I just wish I could give you a hug as I can feel the pain you're going through.

Do go to your GP ceejayjay. I remember very well that feeling of having nothing to look forward to. It was clinical depression and I am so much better with antidepressants. I can now find joy in small things which I absolutely couldn’t before. Maybe in the past you were given tablets that didn’t suit you. There are so many different antidepressants, I’m sure your doctor can give you something different. Well done for getting that man out of your life, which will be so much better when the divorce is over. And full marks for getting a rescue dog, they’re wonderful aren’t they? No prizes for guessing what kind mine is!?

Just sending you love and hugs. Grandchildren can be the best therapy, as he will get older and become more engaging. You could take him out to various places and teach him things your DD hasnt time to do. Things will change, nothing stays static, even if we feel it is like it for now. Forgive yourself for your negative feelings, try and recognise time moves on, and you will not always be in this frame of mind. God bless

Thankyou all for taking the time to respond to me. There’s some great advice in here. Just re reading through now with a coffee

I echo what V3ra says. Yoga or art class if you’re that way inclined, or learn a new language with u3A ? As much exercise as possible too. But definitely a visit to your GP

I would second taking antidepressants, alongside the other things suggested here.

Please go back to your GP and get a referral to the Mental Health department.
You say that you ‘don’t do pills’ well I’m sorry but you need to help yourself before you ask others, so please start taking the tablets.
It can take a long time to get an appointment with the Mental Health team, but if you are already on some form of medication, they can determine the extra help you need.
I know that the pills can make you feel worse in other ways , but you really do have to persevere and try to get yourself better.
Hetty had some good advice as well.