Dilemma on Borrowing Family Money.

OP has told us her decision, back on 6th November.

NO, for one thing you do not know what his situation is over there. He could have a large mortgage or have debt problems himself.
Our children don't tell us what their situation with money and we don't want to know.
Sell your home first and then purchase, you'll be able to sleep at night.

Esspee

We once helped out a family member in financial difficulties. They paid us back very promptly.
What was not anticipated by them was that by us breaking the fixed rate agreement we had with our bank we suffered penalties and when the money was returned we could not lock in again at the same rate of interest.
My husband never mentioned it to the borrowers because they were about to lose their home but it left a bad taste in our mouths that our kindness cost us, not them.

Our kindness cost us, not them

But that was your choice, it was kind of you to lend the money, but if you hadn’t checked out any future implications, that was hardly their fault. You say they repaid the money promptly, so they kept their part of the deal also.

Casdon

Just a thought, but won’t you have to pay capital gains tax if you move your primary residence from your existing home to an apartment?

I don't think so, Casdon as it is your main residence.

I'd rather take out a bridging loan than ask my DC.

If you do need to transfer money overseas, btw, it may be cheaper to use companies such as these than your bank:
www.money.co.uk/money-transfers.htm?track=885124&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI-pvHju2E9AIVjbHtCh0CFg1jEAAYAiAAEgI9B_D_BwE

I just did that for a much smaller amount and was rather nervous about it, but all went through ok.

Problem now resolved.
After a lot of deliberation, we have put a deposit down on a ‘retirement development’ apartment which is reserved for you whilst you sell your home. So no need to put our son in a potentially awkward position.
Thank you again for your varied interesting thoughts.

We lent our son and partner the deposit for their house. They we’re together ten years and had a child. Of course we had to sign for the mortgage company that this was a gift. They agreed if they ever sold we’d be repaid, or sooner if possible.
They parted two years later with an equity that well exceeded the deposit. Our son gave us back his half of the deposit. She agreed to so also but then changed her mind as she didn’t have to legally, which was correct. However morally is another matter.
She is a university educated professional earning a good salary.
Despite knowing the money came from my dh pension fund she walked away without conscience.

On occasion for contact she would pick our dgc from our house -if she was working late and our son had to get to work on time. She would continue to open the back door and walk in as when they were a couple. This being after refusing to pay back her half of the deposit. I’m afraid I got very petty one day. I locked the door and had dgc backpack ready for handover on the kitchen bench. Yes, I felt mean, and this was not like me. I felt bad afterwards.

I was thinking exactly the same calendar girl. Why should it be any different? However, I don’t necessarily agree that it is ‘my duty and responsibility’ to help adult children either. I would be concerned if my adult children were so dependent. Emergencies exempt of course.

Calendargirl

Everybody is saying no, they wouldn’t do it.

What if the boot were on the other foot, and DS were asking mum and dad to lend him the money to buy a property, to be repaid when he sells?

I bet many of you would say yes, if you could afford it and it would help him move.

Most parents would want to help their child in any way they could. I see it as my duty and responsibility as a parent, no matter how old my child is.

Children don’t have the same responsibility to their parents and I think it’s unfair to make such a request.

I would tell him about the situation and see if he offers to lend you the money. I would not ask as it puts him in an awkward position.

Along with my brother, we helped our youngest son and his wife with a deposit for their house. He estranged us 9 years ago so we're very unlikely to get the money back.

Things can go wrong. We'd never do it again.

We once helped out a family member in financial difficulties. They paid us back very promptly.
What was not anticipated by them was that by us breaking the fixed rate agreement we had with our bank we suffered penalties and when the money was returned we could not lock in again at the same rate of interest.
My husband never mentioned it to the borrowers because they were about to lose their home but it left a bad taste in our mouths that our kindness cost us, not them.

We lent my parents funds to buy a bungalow before the family home sold. They were old and frail and moved very near us. The family home sold a few months later and we were repaid. No problem. We offered and were not asked.

humptydumpty

I'm with QuoteOopsadaisy1 - why not sell first and rent while looking, you will then be a cash buyer and in a very good position.

My thoughts too!

It depends on your relationship with your S.
My friend did this although the offer was made by the S.
She looked at a retirement apartment with her S and loved it ,he immediately said to her to put a deposit down as they were selling quickly.
She put her own, beautiful, bungalow on the market, her S paid the balance of the apartment and she was in in less than six weeks.
Her bungalow sold quickly and she repaid him.
They have a very close relationship and both her S’s do everything for her.

No from me I wouldn’t ask anyone, friend or relative, it can go so wrong I have never in all my life borrowed money off anyone except the bank for my mortgage I prefer not ‘to have’ than be in debt to anyone
That’s just me

My Dad needed to relocate and a suitable property was available.
A family member offered to lend the money required.
When Dad's house was sold soon after, the money was repaid.
No problems.

Thank you for all your different answers/opinions to my question.
It is a stressful time in itself downsizing.
I feel Calendergirl and silverlinibg48 are on my wave length. It is a big ask .... so maybe I’ll not do it.
To rent is a good idea but how long before we find anything suitable will it have eaten into your cash.
Hey ho!

For the record, i would not personally ask

Transferring the money costs a huge whack in ‘transfer’ fees, my son and dil had this issue when they moved abroad. Would would be covering those costs in the loan too?
If your son suddenly becAme
Personally I wouldn’t ask, your son will feel obligated whether or not he can afford or inconveniences him. I think unless it was desperate and without his aid you would be homeless/without accommodation I personally wouldn’t ask. But then neither of my sons are well off so I wouldn’t know.

Not to mention the costs of money transfers.
Exchange rate fluctuations
Could draw attention to both sets of finances by the authorities.
Presumably we are talking in excess of £100k here, not many people have access to that kind of cash, it’s usually tied up somewhere.
He might have a partner who would also need to be involved in the decision.

We have all seen house prices sky rocket and the come tumbling down and be hard to sell.
This is a likely scenario in the UK right now..

This is good enough reason not to borrow money to buy.

sorry Oopsadaisy1

I'm with QuoteOopsadaisy1 - why not sell first and rent while looking, you will then be a cash buyer and in a very good position.

Given how much financial and other help so many adult children expect from the Bank of Mum and Dad, I don’t see a problem about asking your comfortably off son for a short term loan. He can easily say no.

No, I wouldn’t ask. If he offered when you were talking about it then that is different. I would be patient and sell first. From my own experiences, money and family don’t mix well. Good luck.