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Gut feeling about DH?

(38 Posts)
Jezra Sat 06-Nov-21 19:47:47

Has anyone ever had a gut feeling that something is going on between their DH and his best friend’s DW?

love0c Sun 21-Nov-21 17:14:27

We knew a couple only from seeing them at the same hotel each year. One year the husband was upset as his best friend had died. He spoke of the wife and the way he said her name made me think there was definitely something going on. Last year the wife contacted me to say her husband had gone off with the best friends wife. She said they had been having an affair long before he had died.I had guessed correctly. Trust your gut instinct.

Audi10 Sun 21-Nov-21 16:53:41

Sadly it happens, trust your gut instinct, observe and then confront your Dh

GillT57 Mon 08-Nov-21 14:41:25

Gut instinct is usually right so trust it. Do be careful who you choose to confide in though, sadly there are cases of the best friend/confidante being the other woman.

MerylStreep Sun 07-Nov-21 16:58:35

Me and my ex had got to a bad stage in our marriage and I knew he was having an affair. What I didn’t know was that it was one of our employees. Someone I was working with everyday.

Allsorts Sun 07-Nov-21 15:04:09

If it’s got that far, doubt there’s little you can do, except prepare yourself really well for the inevitable whilst you have tge chance,

downtoearth Sun 07-Nov-21 14:56:51

Days of the week hopefully to remind him to change them...and his socksgrin

downtoearth Sun 07-Nov-21 14:55:20

My cheating OH bought new pants

GagaJo Sun 07-Nov-21 14:05:44

MissAdventure

Beware the underpants!!

Eh?

Eviebeanz Sun 07-Nov-21 13:33:29

If you're in a position in your relationship where you cannot have the feeling that something is going on and instantly dismiss it then trust that feeling. Years ago I thought my now ex husband was having an affair with a colleague. I was right he was, just not with the particular colleague I thought. Trust your instincts, they're there to alert us to danger. Good luck.

kircubbin2000 Sun 07-Nov-21 13:32:35

I had no idea as he had laid the groundwork by helping a pal do some work in the evenings when he needed someone to lift and fit equipment. He had been doing this several times a week but one night the pal called to speak to him and I said I thought he was out with you.
I should have been suspicious sooner when he persuaded me I didn't need to attend a party of a friend I didn't like. He told me it would only be work talk and I wouldn't enjoy it. Turned out the woman was a close friend of this man I didn't like and
was obviously going to be at the party.

Elizabeth27 Sun 07-Nov-21 13:22:01

I would not stay in a relationship where the trust has gone. Even if you are wrong about this affair you do not trust him and will be worrying and looking for clues of it happening at some time.

Curlywhirly Sun 07-Nov-21 13:19:39

Does he guard his phone? If he has suddenly started to take his phone everywhere, it could be because there's conversations on it that he doesn't want you to see. Have a quick peek if you can, you might get your answer. Hope all is ok though, take care.

MissAdventure Sun 07-Nov-21 13:03:04

Beware the underpants!!

Grannybags Sun 07-Nov-21 12:42:10

husband then bought himself some new underpants Always a red flag!

Trust your instincts

NanaandGrampy Sun 07-Nov-21 11:02:18

All I can say is if your gut is telling you something I'd lean towards believing it. Its the last really primal instinct we have left and its surprising how often listening to it is the right way to go.

Riverwalk Sun 07-Nov-21 10:36:35

I knew someone who suspected something wasn't quite right when she noticed at a dinner party that her husband and the wife of someone else were studiously ignoring each other and not making any eye contact - normally there would be banter between everyone.

The husband then bought himself some new underpants, not usual for him to do this. He was having an affair and they divorced some time later.

An old school friend of mine was devastated when her father had an affair with a neighbour, well into his late middle-age. Friend's mother had remarked earlier that dad had started to have his hair cut and blow-dried instead of the usual visit to the barbers, and he bought new underpants!

eazybee Sun 07-Nov-21 10:19:21

Yes.
Not with wives of friends but with work colleagues, and I was right.
I am always amazed when marriages break up and the wife claims to have had no idea her husband was having an affair; to me it indicates a lack of awareness in their relationship.
Gut instinct is based on unconscious observation of things like body language and changes in expression.

Lincslass Sun 07-Nov-21 08:09:04

Yes I’ve had that same gut feeling, with his colleague, was proven right.

Esspee Sat 06-Nov-21 22:57:56

Go with your gut feeling but don’t say anything until you have positive proof and you have your ducks in a row.

crazyH Sat 06-Nov-21 22:55:18

I’m an experienced wife. Same scenario Jezra. I confronted him but unfortunately, I was disadvantaged. He was in love with her and left me. Some very wise people said that I shouldn’t have confronted him (and her). I should gone with the flow and eventually their ‘love’ would have fizzled out. Well, they are still together after 20 years. So, don’t push them together as I did. Play the waiting game. One thing though, I hope you are aware of his financial situation. I was because I prepared his accounts. Good luck flowers

MissAdventure Sat 06-Nov-21 22:50:53

I had a friend who said hello to someone she knew as they passed her.
The husband didn't know the woman, but sort of awkwardly smiled at her.
Friend was absolutely convinced that something wasn't right.
They went away for the weekend, and my friend was told that she was being ridiculous, as he had done nothing at all to arouse suspicion, and she was causing an atmosphere in the home of the people they were staying with (who thought she was mad!)

They did split up a couple of years later, and guess what finally came to light?

He had been having an affair the whole time with the suspected person.

GagaJo Sat 06-Nov-21 22:33:01

Yes! Have a look on Mumsnet there'll be many more experienced wives there.

Jezra Sat 06-Nov-21 21:31:29

Thanks all. Don’t want to reveal details as it would be outing.
As Hetty 58 said that wife knew her husband’s body language very well. Similarly I know my husband’s behaviour very well and that is making me suspicious.

Soozikinzi Sat 06-Nov-21 20:49:53

Don’t act in haste but don’t be a mug either . Is there a mutual friend you could share your concerns with ? If you find and further evidence Get yourself some money put aside .and then get some legal advice .

Nonogran Sat 06-Nov-21 20:24:45

If your gut is telling you something it’s probably right!
Don’t act hastily, give it time, gather the evidence & build the picture,
What happens after that is your choice.