Hurt as friend barely contacts me now she's found a partner

This has just happened to me. My friend of many decades cancelled an outing we had arranged after lockdown. I have been shielding so I have been extra careful but she never really understood why I followed shielding advice. We hadn’t seen each other for many months. I was looking forward to seeing her and though she felt the same. The night before she messaged me announcing that she wouldn’t be meeting me after all because she was walking dogs in the morning and she was going to a wedding reception that evening and if she met me she wouldn’t have the energy to dance all night. She had done something similar a few months before saying she had double booked and didn’t want to cancel the other friend, even though she often said we were best friends! There have been other things too. Anyway, being a tolerant person and considering her a great friend I never argued about it until this time. I told her I felt she had dumped me at the last minute and it upset and hurt me. She said I had over thought it and was blowing it up out of all proportion and she wanted to meet and have a heart to heart. I have declined that because there doesn’t seem anything to say as she is denying me my feelings and that doesn’t resolve anything. I feel if we meet it could even make things worse because it’s easy to say things you don’t mean in a disagreement. It is all very sad. I am hurt but I hope for better times to come.

I do understand. It was disappointing and a shock when my life long friend did this. I moved on and am fine. You will be as well. Fair weather friends aren’t really friends.

Shame this happens. Often your old friends last longer than a new partner, but by then it’s too late, and the old friend has moved on.

HannahLoisLuke

I always remembered my mum’s advice, never drop your friends for a lover, you’ll need them one day. It’s true but in that first starry eyed infatuation so many forget.
Sorry your old friend is so thoughtless, one day she’ll be back and then you can decide whether she’s worth taking up with again.

This has happened to me too when a close friend of mine chose her boyfriend over me. But after years when things were not working between them and they ended their relationship. After that she came again in my life and regretted what she had done to me.

When I had my first baby a neighbour turned up at my door, invited herself in and later announced she would be coming every Monday.
She was a good support to me as a new first-time mum, she had two children herself. However it was all about when it suited her.
I was at her house one afternoon and she made me a cup of tea. Her husband came home. I drank my tea and went home shortly after.
The next time I saw her, her four year old announced, "My daddy came home and you didn't go." Lesson learned!
Her husband was a teacher. I never saw her during any school holidays, but the first week in September, every year, she'd be ringing my doorbell again. Hey ho.

Dont agree Coconut.l had a friend of 44 years from school.As soon as we decided to move away and put our house on the market she took umbrage never enquired how it was going,if we sold the house or showed any interest in our new adventure.
We moved have not heard,seen or spoken to her in 3 years or more.Can.only put it down to jealousy.Just move on, only have people in your life that want you in theirs and make you happy!

Sit tight and wait, she will come back to you. Just keep in touch. Life goes in chapters and it seems that she is in euphoria, but we all know that the bubble will burst and normality will resume. She is still your friend.

This happened to me. So called friend of 40 years, new man is 12 years younger. Sent cards etc but have now given up.
I wish everyone a happier and better New Year and lots of new friends and companions.

It happened to me many years ago but it still hurts. I was divorced with a small child and became friendly with another lone mum. We had so much in common and our children were like brother and sister. We looked after each other's kids, went on holiday together, and supported each other through difficult times. Suddenly she " dumped" me, not for a new man but for a new group of friends. It hurt then and it still hurts now but not as much as it hurt my son.

Love that word limerence, here's another that had never heard of it before - perhaps this might be an idea for another thread?

Some girls young women and even older women are like this I've had the opposite happen to me a married friend dropped me once I got married myself

Never ceases to astound me that people come out with all sorts of twaddle and excuses for things then post the complete opposite on social media for the world to see.

I had similar situation with 3 friends, they were not life long friends and no partners were involved. I noticed there lack of communication so for my New Years resolution I decided to stop being the one to always instigate contact to see how long it would take them to contact me… well I’m still waiting so I now know I made the right decision as I clearly wasn’t valued as a friend.

cc

@BlueBell that is just so awful, what a cow!
@JdotJ I honestly wouldn't expect a friend to cancel her holiday in these circumstances.

Thank you for your reply cc
There's an awful lot more to my posting, too numerous to mention. I'd been there for her when her dad passed away and I suppose I expected the same loyalty. The holiday away could easily have been postponed but as I said she still went on her own knowing I was grieving the imminent loss of my father (who had known her since she was 5) plus caring for my mother who had dementia - who, incidentally, when I'd mentioned my worry about my mum approx 6 months previously, she'd replied with the words "oh well, at least MY mums not doolally".

Twas ever thus.
Don’t you remember being about 14 and your “best friend” got a boyfriend?
Sadly some girls/women still rate a man (any man) over their women friends.

After my DM was widowed she had a group of friends (mostly widowed or divorced) who often went out for meals with each other, sometimes in pairs and sometimes as a group. One friend regularly let the others down when she had a better offer, always from a man, often at short notice. Eventually this friend married and moved away but sadly her new husband didn't live long and she got back in touch and tried to pick up where she left off. I'm afraid that several of the group really didn't want to see her and had no qualms in telling her why - I really don't blame them.

I had the same done to me. My best friend was there for me for over 23 years and I for her. When I was ill back in 2017 I didnt hear from her at all. I text her to let her know that I wouldn’t be popping across and then never heard from her again. I have sent birthday and christmas card with my phone number and address on (to jog her memory) and still no word back. I did move on when I heard that she had gone back to an art group that we used to go to. I actually introduced her to it. At that moment I decided not to rejoin the group but to go to another one. I am afraid that friends do come and go through out our live and there is nothing stranger than folk.

As they say:—friends for a reason, friends for a season.
Just let it go.

@BlueBell that is just so awful, what a cow!
@JdotJ I honestly wouldn't expect a friend to cancel her holiday in these circumstances.

It happens I'm sorry to say. My friends hubby worked away all week so we spent a lot of time together. He is now retired and they are together 24/7, we rarely see each other now. I live on my own and enjoyed our outings to get me out, but things change even though she promised they wouldn't.

Happened to me with a friend over and over. So the last time she called ( broken up with boyfriend) I tackled her on it , politely. She was offended but I didn’t care. I was offended by her behaviour. Of course I never saw her again and that was exactly what I was hoping for. It’s hard but you may need to let go.

I think that “true” friends last a life time and you’re always there for each other, while other friendships do have a “shelf life”. I’m blessed with life long close friends, 2 from Infants school, another 3 from Senior school and and 3 from jobs I’ve had over the years. However, one close friend from aged 16, I had to step away from her in our 50’s. I was there for her thro 5 divorces and other men in between, and altho her constant dramas drained me, I still supported her. She used to say to me “please don’t die before me as I couldn’t bare life without you”. Whenever I was going thro bad times, I’d ring her up to chat, yet within a few sentences the conversation was back to her again. I had a lot more on my plate at this particular time than her, and she was berating me that she hardly saw me. Of course I invited her round etc but she wanted me to go to her. I was just drained, and it was the final straw, so I walked away. She did try and contact me a year or so later, but she’d pushed me too far. Any relationship must be give and take on both sides, and basically I’d had enough of doing all the giving and getting nothing back. So sadly, a friendship of 40 years came to an end. I still think of her and hope that she is ok, but I have no desire to get in touch ever again.

Skydancer, I have had exactly the same in the past year. A good friend of over 20 years (long divorced) and living alone has been a constant visitor to our house, we shared problems, enjoyed days out together and long lunches etc. Last year she met a man and after bringing him over to introduce us,...nothing. I have rung several times but she is always ' too busy to talk right now as we packing for a trip away', 'we are just off out' etc. A mutual friend has received the same treatment and we have decided that some people just see friends as useful for a time but when not needed can go in the deep freeze. We are sure that if this relationship fails, she will be back but until then, the only way is to forget the hurt and move on. Luckily not all friends are the same. Remember, it is not you who is lacking but them.

The first happened to me when I was fifteen, so I have had plenty of time to get used to it.

In the course of the years, I have taught myself not to be hurt by it - it does no good, so I shrug my shoulders and move on.

Ours is the opposite thing. We used to see our DD and her H and family quite regularly. We did a lot of baby sitting, collecting from school etc. and also Sunday dinners most weeks. They then met new friends and have started to have Sunday dinners with them and others in this new circle. We hardly see them and feel sad. Perhaps we are just dull company these days - obviously I'm blaming us, not them.