Kittye
I don’t know why you are with her, she sounds a jealous, self centred controlling person. My children would always come first no matter what age they are. You sound like a nice person, you deserve better
I totally agree - no one would come between me and my (now adult) children, no one. I just couldn't bear to live with a partner who didn't get on with and accept my children. I agree with others that her behaviour would be a huge red flag to me - she sounds selfish and controlling; your poor children must dread visiting you. I would let her know that because of her childish behaviour, she has given you no option but to chose between her and your children and the children come first. I think you need to live separately. I just couldn't love someone if they were so intolerant towards my family.