Going No Contact and Inheritance

My mum has left everything to me. I have two siblings. One has gone no contact for years, the other is in very limited contact with mum. Both siblings have lived all their adult lives abroad.
I have agreed with mummy that when she dies I will give money from her estate to the grandchildren of my two siblings, her great grandchildren. The amount will be at my discretion. It works emotionally for mum and me given I am her main support and cater.

I am very sorry your Mum has a chronic illness, Hopefully she will be able to make her will, and make her funeral wishes known to you.

Neighbours we had when I was a child had a rather messed up relationship with all 3 of their children. Very wealthy, children all went to boarding school. Money no object.

They all became estranged from their parents at different times of their lives.

Both parents eventually died. The three children were left an equal amount of a large amount of money and property. Two of them refused.

I guess it's up to the individual to leave to whomever and up to the recipients whether they take or leave it. .

I know someone who was not estranged from his DF, though they were not close and did not get on very well. The DF left the son out of his will, which I think was wrong.

It’s up to your mother what she does but she needs to think about it and act if she has strong feelings. My mum bought an estate house once. Because the gentleman who died hadn’t updated his will it was divided between his daughter and his sons ex wife( they’d only been married a short time) - son had died 20 years before & they hadn’t had contact .

EAC = estranged adult child

I do think it’s up to the mother what she does with her own money. She must be very hurt and still miss her daughter and it possibly wouldn’t sit easy with her to leave her out. If it were my mother I would find it heartbreaking to see her hurting when she has done nothing to deserve it, this is obviously how Snowberry feels, but in the end it’s her mothers decision.

Hithere

As an EAC, I truly do not expect anything.

What's an EAC, please?

To all the people saying "Why would anyone want cash from someone they don't talk to?" I can't see why anyone would turn down cash that they could donate or help their children or Grandchildren with it. How can someone be "too proud" to accept it from someone who isn't there. I think you'd have to be very wealthy not to want to bestow any spare wealth onto your descendants, even if you didn't need or want it yourself.

Like someone also mentioned, you could see it as "damages" if you had grown up in an abusive situation. I have no idea what's in the will of my abusive parent, but it would be sickening to look after them for years and then find out you got nothing despite all you'd sacrificed for them.

As an EAC I would not expect a penny from my parents, if they added me into their will, which I doubt, but if they did I asked my children if they wanted it and they said no! It will go to charity.

JulesSquirrel

Hi. I was estranged from my mum (my decision). When she died, I inherited cash (she had no property by then). I gave half to my daughter and donated the remainder to charity to support abused children. I have no siblings so there was no complication there. It didn’t feel right to keep the money for me but relieved it did some good.

This is a lovely thing to do

Emotions aside, your sister will be notified by your Mum's solicitor if she's in her will, or by whoever is the executor of your Mum's will.

I know some estranged parents do disinherit their kids, but I know not all do. It's completely your Mum's decision whether she wants your sister to inherit, or not. Perhaps she wants your sister to feel that she's loved unconditionally? If she does, your Sister is extremely fortunate and might also feel very guilty.

JulesSquirrel

Hi. I was estranged from my mum (my decision). When she died, I inherited cash (she had no property by then). I gave half to my daughter and donated the remainder to charity to support abused children. I have no siblings so there was no complication there. It didn’t feel right to keep the money for me but relieved it did some good.

A friend of mine did very similar.

She had been estranged from both parents for many years, I don't know the exact reasons.
Her father died and then her mum about 2 years later leaving the 'family home' together with a decent amount of money.
As my friend had no children, she divided the entire sum to a couple of charities she supported.

Hi. I was estranged from my mum (my decision). When she died, I inherited cash (she had no property by then). I gave half to my daughter and donated the remainder to charity to support abused children. I have no siblings so there was no complication there. It didn’t feel right to keep the money for me but relieved it did some good.

It's your mother's decision where and to who she leaves her money to, I'm afraid.
You can try and persuade her to leave the no contact sibling out but you may well be unlucky in persuading her to do what she wants to and she is of the generation that believes that if you have x number of children the inheritance would be devided between the same number. She may also think that if she leaves something to this missing child, it will show that she does love her.
I will say that the most important thing is that your mother makes a will, however it is worded. One of my uncles didn't. The daughter that had been supported with various loans for housing, cars, holidays etc,from when she was in her teens swooped in and put the house on the market and took the proceeds and the son , who had struggled financially but had not had the same support was just left with the sale of the contents that was in no way equal.

That's very sad for Grammaretto.

I've been thinking about this a lot.

I truly don't think my mother would leave me anything but if she does, I will divide it among my children and tell them where it is from. That way she will have done something good for them.

I don't think she will leave them or me anything as obviously they are becoming adults one by one who choose not to have a relationship with her

Nor

I was estranged from my mother for 7 years. Her health deteriorated and an Aunt wrote to me and demanded I take charge which I did.
My parents had made a will leaving their assets to my sister and myself, this was never changed by my mother after my father's death not during the years of estrangement.
You can never forsee how relationships will turn out ,for better or worse.

Gramaretto I have never heard or seen an EAC worry about what they will be left in a will from a parent they have estranged, unless it's by hearsay. Perhaps this person was being sensitive by asking a third party to deal with it all. On the other hand....I've seen plenty of grubby, grabbing fingers, and tabbies turn into wild cats, when an inheritance is on the horizon in a 'normal' non-estranged family!

I've been looking through this thread with interest . A cousin went NC with both DP when they divorced. She even changed her name.
When her DF died ( her mother died earlier) she didn't attend the funeral but instructed her lawyer to receive her inheritance.
She was not left out of the will and to his dying day her dad longed to be reconciled.
No-one has seen or heard from her in 10 years

I feel it is her loss. To hold that bitterness all your life is a terrible thing. Money is only money. You can't take it with you.

CafeAuLait

I am very curious what my MIL will do. I don't expect anything from anyone, estranged or not though. If there is residual and I inherit, that's a nice bonus. If they want to spend it all on a big end of life party, good for them too. Their money, their choice.

Nicely put Cafeaulait. And no AC, estranged or not, should be divying up before their parent/s are even gone. So sad.

I am very curious what my MIL will do. I don't expect anything from anyone, estranged or not though. If there is residual and I inherit, that's a nice bonus. If they want to spend it all on a big end of life party, good for them too. Their money, their choice.

Oh well, as long as you got what YOU wanted. FFS

My older sister has been estranged from both my mother and myself for many years (she is now estranged from her own daughter). When DM dies I will be telling my sister she is not welcome at the funeral and any requests for keepsakes will be refused. This topic highlights why it is so important for everyone to make a will. By the way, for Christmas my 3 GC received pieces of my jewellery that I wanted to make sure they got.