Have I made a terrible mistake?

Allsorts Yes, you can find past posts. If you type something into the search box at the top of the page, it finds instances of it in the forum, with links to the thread it was in. Also, you or anyone else, whether they are a member of Gransnet or not can use a search engine to find anything that has been put on the internet. That includes posts on here or on any other Social Media, including Facebook.
That is why you so often see forum posts reminding posters not to include any personal details that they wouldn't shout from the middle of the High Street.

Allsorts yes you can search on a posters name. You can also Google a posters name and it will show you past posts.

Gransnet also has a Facebook page and information from this site goes onto the Internet where it will stay, presumably for ever.
Some posts, presumably if they are interesting enough, also appear in the Daily Newspapers online.

Make sure you have a private part of the house which is yours and only yours and somewhere you can ‘escape’ to if need be is all I can say. You shouldn’t let your daughter rely on you so heavily really. Not good for either of you and she probably doesn’t realise that as we get older we just do not have the same amount of energy to be running round after little ones. You need to live your life in peace and do things for you not her.

Hit here how can you remember everything posted in 2020, with this poster? Do you type in a name and all the information and things come up on a person.. I am very curious. It will make me think very carefully about posting.

Can you back out, it seems everything is signed and there’s no going back. If that is the case go forward and make the most of it, join as much as you can, while you can in your new area, make sure you keep your money for you, start as you mean to go on, don’t give in another inch. Your daughter sounds very self centred. We all have free bus passes, you can meet up with friends, invite them over, establish the life you want, a good start is the local church, there are usually activities they arrange. Then there’s your lovely grandsons there all the time, think positive, be more assertive and make it work, remember you made all this possible for them.

There’s no point asking for opinions if it’s already signed and sealed
Counselling only works if you have an open enough mind to see a new way of working things out You are doing the same you ve always done
You’ve looked at all the negatives and done it anyway so now all you can do is make the best if it all
Not something I would do but it’s done now so make the most of your happiness with your grandkids and enjoy what’s left of your life Good luck

Why do you need to go with them? You are asking these questions when clearly you should have asked them before you signed anything over. I’m not getting at you because I have been in an abusive marriage in the past and my head is also damaged but you have to have some life that YOU want to live. It is your time now and why surrender to your next abuser - your daughter. Go along and speak to a solicitor and see if you have a way out of this. Sending you love and hugs and hope you can be happy in the future.

You gave them all your savings and the house is in their name?
If it doesn't work out you can always look for somewhere to rent back where you live now.
Go and enjoy your grandchildren and give it a chance.

Why not do what is best for you?

You’re right, Hithere. But, legally everything is signed, sealed and delivered, so no going back. I’ve had extensive and expensive counselling over the years, first to deal with my lengthy abusive marriage and difficult divorce, then to try to sort out my relationship wi my daughter. Nothing has helped much. I love my daughter, and adore my grandsons, and I’m trying to do the best for everyone. Those who’ve posted encouraging remarks are giving me comfort and courage.

OP

You have extensive background in this board

Why did you ignore the advice given to you in 2020?

"22:59Ellypat

I agree I should be open with my DD, but her mental health is fragile, and she self-harms when stressed. Childcare is very difficult to find here, which is why we have to travel so far. They are financially stressed, and really shouldn’t be having this second child. I am retired and can’t help financially. It’s all such a mess and I can’t see any way out."

www.gransnet.com/forums/ask_a_gran/1288363-Dreading-arrival-of-second-grandchild-AIBU?pg=5

Yes, it is a huge mistake and you need professional help to learn to stand up for yourself.

You may have left an abusive relationship of 37 years but entered another afterward?

Go to a lawyer to see what your options are.
You still have time to fix this

OP

Think of this possible scenarios

What if living with your daughter and family doesn't work out? What's the plan then?

What would happen when you cannot babysit?

What would happen when you need care and are not able to live independently?

What kind of cohabitation and co owner rules have you agreed on?

What if your daughter and sil are unable to pay due the mortgage?

All this, paired with being unable to stand up to your daughter, provides some gaps to your plan.

Ellypat You need to think this through. Your daughter brushes of your concerns, you're leaving your friends behind, you state there is inferior medical care, and at 70 you are providing her with childcare.
You also say you cannot stand up to your daughter, far too many red flags for me. Please think about where you will be most happy, as others said you can pull out.
I also dont think at 70 with health conditions you should be expected to provide childcare for your daughter. It seems to me she had gained the most out of this and you have alot to lose.

Ellypat, as you are 70, with health issues - and currently renting - I'm sure that your daughter will want you nearby, and not just for childcare.

She can't afford to live near you, so it makes sense to move in together. Of course, it's a big change, so you are bound to feel anxious about it, but there are advantages. Why will your outgoings increase? Surely, you'll save on rent?

Speak up!

It is not too late not to make a mistake, as you feel this is

It is quite natural to feel anxiety with such a big change happening. Try to remember all the good points as to why you are doing this, when it was first discussed I would think that there were many positives or you would not have started the process.

As you say it is too late to back out now, the situation cannot be changed all you can change is your attitude towards it.

I really hope it works well for you.

Please please speak up! You are giving an unbelievable amount and at such a risk to yourself.

The worrying part is that she brushed off your concerns rather than discussing them and putting your mind at ease.

I am not saying pull out! But this is such a massive decision it surely requires absolute certainty.
Do you have anyone close to you who you can confide in and straighten out your thoughts?

I can understand you feeling anxious about having agreed to this move but hopefully, in time, you will feel OK about it. At first, it will feel strange but try not to be too anxious and focus on building a life for yourself there - join some clubs and make some friends. You say it is too late to back out - do you mean contracts have been exchanged, etc.?

Having said that, if you are truly regretting your decision, given your daughter's lack of understanding and reassurance, I think if it is reversible, then reverse it, particularly if it is you who is making the greatest contribution to this project.