Son in law

Plenty of couples separate and live in the same, as roommates, for a short period of time, till further accommodation arrangements are made

Same space, sorr

The only issue I can see is that you don't seem to have discussed this with your daughter. I would get your SiL to talk his plans with her then follow up. In fact it's odd that she does not seem to know. I would tread very carefully here.

I doubt you know exactly what went on in their marriage and think like Loule that it sounds odd they didn't have outside friends especially your DD who would have had contact with mothers at nursery and school which is where many long standing friendships start. I can foresee many problems as nothing like that gets sorted out quickly. You really need to sort it out with your DD though sounds like you have already decided.

As long as you've talked to your daughter about it before offering, and she's good with it, full steam ahead.

It's more important to me to be a safe place for my kids than to support anyone else, so that would be my determining factor.

No no no. Only the people in a marriage know what goes on no matter what it looks like to the world outside. Imagine he moves in and you become his family like eating meals each evening and watching tv with you etc. You may see it as temporary but it could well be seen by him as too comfortable to move out. This idea has disaster written all over it in my opinion and the consequences could cause more problems on top of the problems a divorce will involve.

My main concern about this is the OP's judgement that he is a good husband - clearly he is not a good husband for her DD and it her opinion that matters.

This might be the sort of family in which the daughter understands and accepts that her husband will remain welcome in the family. We have several examples of this in my own wider family - perhaps not going as far as to have the ex move in, but support and continued affection have always worked out happily for everyone concerned, with no one feeling betrayed.

Daisymae

The only issue I can see is that you don't seem to have discussed this with your daughter. I would get your SiL to talk his plans with her then follow up. In fact it's odd that she does not seem to know. I would tread very carefully here.

OP. says My dd asked us to make sure our son in law will be alright as she fears he will go into a very dark place. Yes we offered and he jumped at the chance

I think it makes sense. It wont be permanent and it’s good for the children.

Based on the update, there is more cooking than what it seems.

"My dd asked us to make sure our son in law will be alright as she fears he will go into a very dark place. Yes we offered and he jumped at the chance."
Then he needs professional support to make sure he doesnt go there.

"There’s nothing wrong with a bedsit if you’re in the right frame of mine but he would be there 24/7 as he works from home. I feel that he would benefit from having people around him if needed.'"
Then he could visit you right?

Separating is very sad and traumatic, but him unable to cope in an adult manner is worrisome.

I hope the crutch you are offering doesn't go to enabling territory

You are too involved in their personal life. Why not let them fix this themselves?

Hithere
Sometimes in life our children need our help, even where upsetting emotional problems are concerned.
Our children know that we would move heaven and earth to help them with such problems.

Our children, yes of course. But the spouse they have decided to leave?

Well, I think it could work if everyone’s on board with it. I’ve known more than one “unconventional “ arrangement that worked to everyone’s benefit.

It’s particularly good that the children can come and spend their weekends there with him. Too many dads have to spend their weekends trying to make a relationship on outings and visits to tiny bedsits. There he can eat meals, play games and have bedtimes with them. Got to be better for them and him.

I agree Peasblossom.

Good post Peasblossom.

I understand totally that you hold your SIL very dear, BUT our home is your home would be a no no for me.

Obviously we don't know the ins and outs to it all and i say absolutely yes to maintained contacts, but as for him sharing your home, personally i think that is an awkward situation to avoid.

Maintain contact by all means and support him, but re- housing him and establishing him firmly as part of the family unit?

The son in law has no friends (odd), and resents his wife making any; (very suspect). She is worried about his mental health but is offloading the responsibility on to her parents.

No one will be able to move on from this situation.
There is no impetus for the son in law to examine his behaviour which has contributed to the breakdown of his marriage.

Amandajs66 Thu 10-Feb-22 12:54:26 - Not sure if dd knows her husbands plans

It seems really odd that you would make such a huge offer without discussing it first with your dd

Be guided by your DD would be my advice.

I think that maybe you need to have a chat with your DD.
It depends on what the situation is with the break up . If it's amicable and there is no animosity, may be ok as a temporary measure but just be careful that DD doesn't think you are taking sides.

My answer is no in the first instance. If one of my children came to me in the and asked me to temporarily house their ex I would consider it but not long term.

If the break up has no bad feelings I would still like to see them. I’d speak to your daughter about it to make sure she will be ok with it will be nice for their children to know their dad is still welcome

When I left my ex I went to stay with my mil, loved her to bits and always had a good relationship with her which continued even when I remarried_. To be honest I would do it.

My ex and I divorced and my MIL asked me still visit her. I used to do everything for her and I think she would of thought that would continue. Also I disliked my ex so much and would of felt very uncomfortable if he was there.

Your DD has no right to ask you to make sure he is ok! He’s not your responsibility.
So she wants you to make sure he’s ok while she’s goes out with her nee friends and possibly new man? Sorry but what a damn cheek she’s got

Make sure he’s ok but don’t have him move in…that’s just weird!