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(8 Posts)
SecondhandRose Tue 08-Mar-22 18:09:50

My 57 year old brother has moved back in with my 90 year Mum only temporarily. He has mental health issues which make him difficult to live with. He is currently homeless which happens quite often.

When he last stayed with her I was concerned he was gaslighting her and now it is happening again. The gaslighting is in the form of things constantly needing fixing around the house. These things were all fine before he arrived.

Today my adult son went to see her and fixed her house phone which she has been having issues with. My brother was there and my son said he seemed annoyed he had fixed it for her. My son didn’t know about my gaslighting thoughts.

Elizabeth27 Tue 08-Mar-22 18:29:50

What are his mental health issues? Maybe the ‘gaslighting’ is not intentional.

62Granny Tue 08-Mar-22 20:01:34

Perhaps he wants her to need him to be there, therefore making himself indispensable, as Elizabeth 27 said it is all tied in to his own problems, make your mother aware of your concerns and say if she feels as if this is happening to let to you know perhaps you can have a a password or phrase that she can use so that if she needs to phone you and he is there she can just say the phrase. make sure you are "popping in" regularly so that you keep and eye on the situation also does your brother have a Social Worker make them aware of your concerns so that he can be re-allocated a place more quickly as it is putting your mother in a vulnerable situation.

Jaxjacky Tue 08-Mar-22 20:12:25

Could this tie in with your other thread ‘90 year old Mum getting forgetful’ SecondhandRose?
Maybe your mother is not so forgetful, just upset with this situation.

SecondhandRose Wed 09-Mar-22 08:48:42

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head Jaxjacky. She has to be careful what she says around him and I think it confuses her. She has just callee me to say her purse has disappeared. Yesterday it was the phone broken and boiler not working properly, day before her bag disappeared. All since my brother arrived.

Carenza123 Fri 11-Mar-22 16:51:30

I would be very worried about the effect your brother is having on your mother, especially as she is more vulnerable because of her age. Could this be classed as elderly abuse? Please keep a watchful eye on the situation. Her doctor could be a source of help.

welbeck Fri 11-Mar-22 16:57:05

you should consider reporting the situation to social services, elderly care, as it looks as if a vulnerable person is being abused.
please don't wait until an ambulance is needed.

welbeck Fri 11-Mar-22 16:58:59

tell them you have a safeguarding concern.
sometimes you have to use the jargon to get any action.
glad she's got you to look out for her. so many have no one.
good luck.