He needs to ask his adult children before proposal!

Ffoxglove, you describe dasein , as Heidegger never did.

I can't believe how scathing some posts are, you have no idea of my situation and story that led me to today. There's so much more I could say .

Crikey, you are so distrustful of his family, and possessive of what you see as your own house and money, it is not really your concern if your partner gives money to his adult children if your finances are separate anyway. Poor bloke planning a romantic weekend and you checking your house deeds.

Would it not be better just to retain him as friend and lover but not as husband ?

Not sure that how you feel about his daughter bodes well for a marriage and the future. Have you thought through how your relationship with her would be and how it might impact on your Husband to be?

I think it’s quite right that he has big plans and wants to tell his daughters first. My brother in law made sure that I knew he was planning to remarry, he had no need my sister had died several years before, I very much appreciated it.

BlueBelle

If you’re wise you ll keep quiet, sounds like a joke either on his part ….or even yours

Are you a new poster Ffoxglove I know there is another poster Foxglove77 but I haven’t come across you before ?

I particularly noticed your username Ffoxglove and it intrigued me because the Welsh equivalent of foxglove is spelt with a double Ff!

I think it's rather nice of him to mention it to his daughter first - not asking permission of course but just being considerate.
What he says about asking them if it's ok sounds jokey

If he's that considerate with you too then he could be a keeper.

ps It's up to him if he wants to give his DD some money, I wouldn't ask that if your finances are separate.

I would not have taken that to him going to ask permission but rather to let his daughter know in person, particularly if her mother is deceased.

I too find it very odd and indicative of a controlling issue if you’re querying if he’s giving his daughter money. Provided he’s not in debt to you, what does it matter to you if he gives his daughter money? That’s not your business.

Actually Ffoxglove, I think you need to protect yourself financially.... speaking as someone who has come unstuck in the past. Don't marry, stay as you are with your independence.

Hit and run

Ffoxglove Are you jealous of your partners relationship with his daughter?
Why would you object to him giving his children money?

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Lucca

All sounds rather off to me. Money seems tombe more important than anything else. ..to all of you.

that was exactly how I was reading it

I presume that you are old(sorry!) if on Gransnet, why bother getting married? Stay as you are if you’re happy, less to lose and clear up if it doesn’t work out.

Sounds odd. Do you want to marry him? What difference would it make to you?
Maybe just best to stay as you are?

It sounds as if marriage wouldn't be a good idea anyway as you have this strange dynamic going on.

Both comments, yours about money and his about marrying, sound like you try to niggle each other.
If neither of you were joking, that's not good.

It is the man who needs to run for the hills.
There is a very controlling element here:
why are you going?
are you giving them money?
I am the one with the house, (and they won't get it.)

Maybe he is concerned because you don't seem to like his children and he wants to make sure everyones feelings are considered?

I'm not sure it's right for you to question him about visiting or spending time with them as he is a grown adult and they are his children.

It's such a shame this has spoiled the suprise too

All sounds rather off to me. Money seems tombe more important than anything else. ..to all of you.

If your relationship is great - why bother to get married? You sound like an independent person. Jealousy rears its head with adult children, but then he has more to gain from marrying you. Don’t rush into anything.

I just wouldn't get married and lose that independence ever again. If you have the smallest doubt which you have hence your post don't do it.

There's a lot of background to this especially re money.
I'm just concerned why he'd feel the need to ask her. It doesn't seem right, of she were my dad then of course but he needs her approval?

You are very distrustful of him, it's like you must come first. why ask if he was giving money to his daughter? You say it's your house, your money and you've thought ahead that his children get nothing in the will you make.. He should rethink his intentions as this doesn't bode well for him.

If you’re wise you ll keep quiet, sounds like a joke either on his part ….or even yours

Are you a new poster Ffoxglove I know there is another poster Foxglove77 but I haven’t come across you before ?

Oh dear, this has the taint of pecking order. Not good I fear.