He needs to ask his adult children before proposal!

Run for the hills. Don't look back.

He'd say it's the right thing to do.
He's always saying to his DD we are ok aren't we like needing approval.
I don't understand why his happiness needs to be rubber stamped. Like I'm secondary in this decision.

It is as sweet as a man asking for the father of the bride for her hand in marriage

(Sarcasm off)

How is your relationship otherwise?

I'd take it as flippancy.
If you're sure it's not a joke, tho, it is a bit odd.

It's not flippant he wouldn't travel to ask that and be flippant.
Relationship great but I'm not impressed with this decision given how they have treated him in the past. They only take get in touch Christmas and birthdays. It's like giving some power when it's not needed, it's also making me awake!
Also I want to be asked and then tell them, seems the wrong way round.
I and he know they'd approve because I'm the one with the house in my name and they'll think there's something in it for them. (They won't be cos I'd make a decent will)

Oh dear, this has the taint of pecking order. Not good I fear.

If you’re wise you ll keep quiet, sounds like a joke either on his part ….or even yours

Are you a new poster Ffoxglove I know there is another poster Foxglove77 but I haven’t come across you before ?

You are very distrustful of him, it's like you must come first. why ask if he was giving money to his daughter? You say it's your house, your money and you've thought ahead that his children get nothing in the will you make.. He should rethink his intentions as this doesn't bode well for him.

There's a lot of background to this especially re money.
I'm just concerned why he'd feel the need to ask her. It doesn't seem right, of she were my dad then of course but he needs her approval?

I just wouldn't get married and lose that independence ever again. If you have the smallest doubt which you have hence your post don't do it.

If your relationship is great - why bother to get married? You sound like an independent person. Jealousy rears its head with adult children, but then he has more to gain from marrying you. Don’t rush into anything.

All sounds rather off to me. Money seems tombe more important than anything else. ..to all of you.

Maybe he is concerned because you don't seem to like his children and he wants to make sure everyones feelings are considered?

I'm not sure it's right for you to question him about visiting or spending time with them as he is a grown adult and they are his children.

It's such a shame this has spoiled the suprise too

It is the man who needs to run for the hills.
There is a very controlling element here:
why are you going?
are you giving them money?
I am the one with the house, (and they won't get it.)

It sounds as if marriage wouldn't be a good idea anyway as you have this strange dynamic going on.

Both comments, yours about money and his about marrying, sound like you try to niggle each other.
If neither of you were joking, that's not good.

Sounds odd. Do you want to marry him? What difference would it make to you?
Maybe just best to stay as you are?

I presume that you are old(sorry!) if on Gransnet, why bother getting married? Stay as you are if you’re happy, less to lose and clear up if it doesn’t work out.

Lucca

All sounds rather off to me. Money seems tombe more important than anything else. ..to all of you.

that was exactly how I was reading it

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Ffoxglove Are you jealous of your partners relationship with his daughter?
Why would you object to him giving his children money?

Hit and run

Actually Ffoxglove, I think you need to protect yourself financially.... speaking as someone who has come unstuck in the past. Don't marry, stay as you are with your independence.

I would not have taken that to him going to ask permission but rather to let his daughter know in person, particularly if her mother is deceased.

I too find it very odd and indicative of a controlling issue if you’re querying if he’s giving his daughter money. Provided he’s not in debt to you, what does it matter to you if he gives his daughter money? That’s not your business.

BlueBelle

If you’re wise you ll keep quiet, sounds like a joke either on his part ….or even yours

Are you a new poster Ffoxglove I know there is another poster Foxglove77 but I haven’t come across you before ?

I particularly noticed your username Ffoxglove and it intrigued me because the Welsh equivalent of foxglove is spelt with a double Ff!

I think it's rather nice of him to mention it to his daughter first - not asking permission of course but just being considerate.
What he says about asking them if it's ok sounds jokey

If he's that considerate with you too then he could be a keeper.

ps It's up to him if he wants to give his DD some money, I wouldn't ask that if your finances are separate.