The art of a good conversation!

I'm recently bereaved and when I was trying to talk to my bloke about it, he constantly kept chipping in and talking over me about his own experiences. In the end I had to tell him to stop. It was so insensitive and unkind and frankly, selfish.

When we went to visit my step-daughter and family last month after not seeing them for about four years, she and her husband just wouldn't or couldn't pause for breath - there were two monologues going on at once, two sets of mobiles phones with photos to switch eyes across at once.

They did provide a lovely meal for us, and it was good to see them again, but they didn't even wish me a happy birthday they were so intent on talking about themselves.

We wondered afterwards how long it would take them to wind down if we didn't have to be on our way. I think we'd have probably still been there!

LilacChaser it sounds like your stepdaughter and her husband had really missed seeing you over the years and were desperate to tell you all their news.
Kind of flattering really, and you did get a lovely meal ?

Suppose Italy is slightly more exotic than Falmouth Callistemon other people's holidays and grandchildren are invariably boring.

Aveline

I was very struck by one lady on my hospital visiting round who said, 'Well, enough about me. How are you?'. It occurred to me that it had never happened before. I suspect that social skills usually fall by the wayside as people grow older

Aveline that reminded me of a joke of DD's about people who go on and on about themselves.

"Well, that's enough about me. Let's talk about you. What do you think about me?".

sodapop

Suppose Italy is slightly more exotic than Falmouth Callistemon other people's holidays and grandchildren are invariably boring.

I do like Falmouth but - I've been there myself

I work in healthcare.
I live in a small community.
Everybody in the small community knows I work in healthcare.
And everybody wants to tell me about their health every time they clap eyes on me.
Why do they think I am interested when I am clearly NOT AT WORK!!!
Give me a break people!!

And actually, I am interested in other people's grandchildren if I've known them since birth and seen them from time to time as they grew up.
But this particular friend's grandchildren are super talented in every way and I don't know them.

I was on a course once when the instructor said that a person attending wasn’t actually listening but ‘just waiting to talk’. Good way of putting it I thought

I’m in the process of splitting up with my same sex partner/wife. COVID has caused unbelievable problems as we found ourselves separated in 2 different countries. Our relationship became FaceTime calls and WhatsApp. Early into the first round of lockdown calls I realised that the only topic of conversation she had was about her and it was often at least 20 minutes into a call that she remembered that I existed. I alway am mindful of who I’m talking to and even if I’m bogged down with personal family stuff I will always stop a conversation to ask how the other person is. “That’s enough about me….how are you” is a favourite of mine.

I have one friend who never talks about her children or grandchildren. I only wish she would. She only talks about herself, at great unstoppable length.

I’m in the process of splitting up with my same sex partner/wife
Oh no, MissC

Can you meet in person and talk? Perhaps she was very anxious and you were the person she could offload to? Has she been ill?

Some people are terrible listeners.
At least my friend who does this is just a friend and not a partner.

Callistemon21….. sadly not, she took herself off to our apartment on the island of la Palma gained Spanish residency and embedded herself into life there. I stayed in my lovely small town in West Yorkshire. I felt abandoned and that she was not by my side always as promised….relationships via WhatsApp etc are not sustainable despite the fact that we had done this for 11 years whilst she was worked internationally and based in Geneva. life carries on and we make the best of it. I’m in the process of settling my 90 year old dad in a care home in Norfolk and clearing out the house to sell. Even when my lifelong friend died a few years ago the FaceTime call was mainly about her visit to the hair salon and work in Geneva. After about 25 minutes she remembered my loss but it was an afterthought. For some people others are not a priority I guess.

MissChatlinesorry to hear your life is upturned, hope your dad settles in his new home, and that you get a happy ever after?

I'm sorry, MissChateline but it sounds as if your relationship is one-sided and not having support when you most need it from a partner must be hard.

I hope your Dad settles well in his new home.

This type is attracted to me as I’m quiet. I mainly keep my thoughts to myself. There are loads of people who just talk about themselves. I don’t know why they do it or how on earth they can keep talking.

So sorry to hear your relationship has broken down MissC and all the upheaval in your life. Hope your father settles well in his new home. Take heart this too will pass.

Thank you.

I often leave after meeting up with friends or family and think well I never finished that conversation!!!

Nonogran, DH & I know someone just like the person you describe. We have stopped seeing her completely; it was pointless. We could have been two cardboard photo cut-outs that she was "addressing", because quite truly we could never get a word in. Making the decision not to see her was a huge relief. Sadly, I understand (from others) that she is still just the same...

I have a very dear friend who talks non stop when we meet. She tells me about relatives, neighbours the cat etc. This is because she lives alone and sees very few people. Lockdowns were especially hard for her. She always asks about me eventually after she has unloaded all her news and worries. My late father was the same. I wouldn’t like to spend as much time alone as she does.

I thought it would be nice to get in touch with a friend from the 1970's when we were both newlyweds. She asked if I'd had children. I said yes we have a daughter, and was about to say and a son, when she talked over me. So she thought we just had a daughter. She went on to tell me all her gripes with her mother in law. After an hour of just listening I finally ended the call. I never rang her again. She had become so self obsessed.

Yet another serial yacker story!

I get quite annoyed when someone has asked me a question and while I'm answering are obviously thinking about their next comment. So they are not really listening but waiting to burst out their thoughts, but usually an experience they have had which bears little resemblance to the original subject.

You have to remember that, for a lot of people, they are probably more sensitive to being depressed and even suicidal due to what we've all been through over the last two years. Not all people have good coping mechanisms. That's why they say to talk to professionals rather than family or friends but, these days it's probably almost impossible to get appointments with a counsellor. I don't know the answer except to say, for the time being, try to be a bit more compassionate for now.