The art of a good conversation!

Much younger and nervously attending functions with DH, I had to meet lots of unknowns and was expected to make small talk. At first I used to have a plan of subjects, written on my palm.
Admire/ ask about clothing, holidays, family, children’s/grandchildren’s activities the children had been mentioned, gardens hobbies and that good old standby. weather!
I never needed everything on the list. Sometimes all I needed to do was be a good listener.

In similar settings I used to set myself secret target words for the person talking to me. I'd award myself 10 points for each time that they said one of them. DH told me that I was going down very well with the others as I was so interested in what people were saying. Some evenings I'd get to 200 points

Aveline!!!???

I love my sister, who lives abroad and who hasn't had the easiest of lives, however, she has two topics of conversation, housework and ill health! I phone her regularly but always have a magazine to hand to keep me occupied whilst she chats away about the difficulty of keeping her home clean and the problems she has with her ailments. All that is required of me is to make the odd sound so she knows I'm still there. She's lonely and unhappy and I think I'm the only person she talks at/to. When I put the phone down after a very long call, I'm always grateful that I'm not in her position.

We are friendly with another couple. I have found that if I am talking to her and my DH is taking to her DH i.e. having two separate conversations, she is always half listening to their conversation.

I am not a chatterbox and will be talking about the menu (if we are out) or enquiring about her son etc. I don't generally waffle on about myself. It is like she is frightened of missing something.

However, if there are four of us (two couples) I prefer it to be one conversation. It is generally her DH who goes off piste and starts another conversation with my DH whilst we are having a general discussion.

I always make a point of asking after other people's children, grandchildren etc. So much so, that if they are only acquaintances I make a note of their names in case I forget.

A few years ago I worked with a woman for about four years. There were only the two of us in the office. I know every detail of her life. I doubt if she knows how many children I have, let alone what their names are.

Each to their own I suppose.

I have a friend like you describe. She talks about herself, her husband (long dead but he was wonderful apparently - although we know he was a bit of a rogue), her two daughters, one wonderful, one selfish (short version), etc etc. What she doesn't know isn't worth knowing. She phones me asking how we are but does not want to know she just wants to tell me about herself. Etc etc.