How do I reclaim my flat?

Many replies have stressed the young man's situation and in the light of those I have chnaged my mind. Not that anyone will remember, and that's okay. I now believe that he might be asked to pay a reasonable rent, and there will remain the useful pied a terre for the older people.

Many apologies for not checking before posting, fat finger syndrome with ipaditis. Hope you can all get the drift.

I do see the difficulty here as it’s your place but I have a young grind who was on a decent salary (£50k) in London, by the tone she paid for a room, transport and a small amount of food, she had nothing left at all. She’s now on £80k after many years of struggling and can finally live in a tiny rented studio and have some month left over at the end of the money. She will never be able to save enough to buy, she’s a fantastic money manager but the costs are enormous in London. I’d help my grandson any day of the week if I could.

I have helped out on occasions but I am even so bossy (teacher and eldest in family) that I insist on writing down "contract" and signing it so there can be no "forgetting " what has been agreed. Then do a practical reminder of whose the flat is. Arrive without warning as and when you want to , if he has to stop to remake matress etc before going out in the evening so what? As you go through the time there turn the radio on to your music or switch it off or down without comment. Decide what programme you want to watch on tv and ask him if he is going to watch it with you - do not ask what he wants to see. The old saying that you the person who pays for the coal gets to poke the fire seems pertinent. If he is really making a genuine effort you could be a bit less insistant . We would all like to live in a area that suits us but when I moved to london as a teenager I had to stay in a grotty area until I could afford and look for something better. That is life, and when you have been in a horrid bedsit you really appreciate your next clean place. So at the moment he is being spoonfed and my goodness they can all get used to that and have no incentive to move on. However I would comment that I think the parents should have been reminding him of your generosity and to not expect to rely on it long term and that he should be grateful for the opportunity you have given him. Not many have such luck and if he wants to be an adult that means behaving like one and standing on his own feet and respecting other peoples rights . You could perhaps suggest to your own son or daughter that you might like to stay in THEIR house while yours is being decorated or whatever . Tables turned can often remind people of their responsibilities!!

Could he afford to buy the flat from you with the proviso you can stay there when required?

I know the OP has given us an update, but felt I had to comment on this suggestion.

Picture the scene a couple of years down the line after the above scenario has happened. GS now has a live-in girlfriend maybe.

“What do you mean, your grandparents want to come and stay here?For how long? Oh, for goodness sake! Where are we all going to sleep? Well, I’m not sleeping on an air bed! Tell them to stay in a hotel, they can afford it! This is our flat now, remember, not theirs!”

You’ll think it could never happen…..

I’m glad you’ve spoken to your GS, Semiruralgirl

Don’t listen to people saying you should give up your home for your grandson. It’s yours and you aren’t wrong to want it

How fortunate you are to have a second home. Let him stay and charge a reasonable rent. He is your grandson after all. London is so expensive.

Personally, I would find it difficult to deprive a family member of a safe place to stay in somewhere like London especially if I didn't use the flat all the time. One poster suggested a sofa bed and that is a good idea. Beats an air mattress any day of the week. I agree with other posters who say to rent it to him either at market rent or one that covers your main costs. My daughter, while sorting out a place to live, lived rent free with my sister but always contributed to the living expenses and paid for her own internet. We had made her homeless by moving house as she had lived with us. It is extremely hard to save a deposit for your own place or even to meet a landlord's deposit and rent in London. Is he also paying off the student loan? I think you need to decide what your priority is - to gain sole possession of your flat or give the GS a helping hand. Could he afford to buy the flat from you with the proviso you can stay there when required? Good luck working out a solution.

If you charge him rent etc won't you then be making yourself a landlord with loads of complications that brings eg tax, fire and goodness knows what else. Other than that thought, has your GS actually shown you what he has been trying to obtain as accommodation? Would give you an idea of what to charge him.

I think you or your husband should frequently turn up at your flat without warning from time to time to quietly demonstrate it is yours and not his.

Ask him to vacate the bedroom permanently so your own bed there is always immediately available for you.

All this does is put off the day when our children have to stand on their own two feet and accept the responsibilities that being an adult involves. Taking away the need to budget for rent and other bills do them no favours at all. When they eventually have to do so they will find it it very hard indeed.

I'm a big softie with my grandchildren....I probably wouldn't charge them rent but they would need to pay their utilities....If my hubby & I needed to use the flat would suggest that maybe he could sofa surf with a pal if he didn't want to stay when we were there..

It's really difficult for young people to find acommodation in London so not surprising he happy where he is!

One of our sons studied in London - finding a flat with friends was a time-intensive intensive activity during the summer, he got quite good at it over the years. But it was always very expensive. The other one worked in central London for about a year, and found a room in someone’s house right at the end of the Northern line. It was affordable, and an easy commute because he got on the Tube before it got crowded.

I think reclaiming your flat might be a question of just that - be there more often, he’ll soon want a bit of independence!

This is such a difficult conversation to have but you must decide what is best for you. You are lucky to have been able to acquire a spare flat for occasional use and have been generous in lending it out.

Instead of an air bed what about a decent sofa bed - not for you but for your grandson to use when you stay? He is a guest but could start to feel he takes preference and you feel “guilty” about expecting first dibs on the comfortable bed.

Talk to him about his share of the bills at least. Costs are rocketing and you shouldn’t be subsidising another adult (if anything that is a parent’s responsibility).

I think you can let a room in your home for so much a week with no tax liability - then he’s paying something.(£80 per week?)

If you really want him out you have to put a time limit on the arrangement.

You could visit more often yourselves and bring your grandparently ways: music, tv, bed time.

Hopefully he’ll start to find his feet in the city and find something to suit soon - it can’t be good hooking up with a significant person only to have the GPs cramping your style.

Good luck!

*Life is tough for young people these days. I am sure finding somewhere to stay or flat share with someone you like is difficult.
Let him stay and charge a reasonable rent. He won't be there for ever.*
This was kind of what I thought, maybe combined with an earlier suggestion that when you're using it, he has to sleep elsewhere, be that a B&B, a friend's sofa or a travelodge. That way the flat is being lived in, he's able to save a bit but is getting used to paying rent and bills, and you still have the convenience of the flat - and him getting groceries, bread and milk in for you when you do go up. As long as he looks after the place, and keeps it clean, I'd be happy to help him out. My daughter, a student in London, has to pay £260 per Week for her rooms, it's absolutely crippling for her. If I had somewhere to live there which I wasn't using all of the time, I'd definitely let her stay.

Charge him what’s it should be on the rental market (as I’m sure that will be the push he needs). Also, it would be nice to have someone in it for security reasons.

I'd leave things as they are for a bit. A lot of young people take a job in London thinking they will be at the hub of things, they soon realise that might be so but they really can't afford the things. Show him any bills and explain the costs of even a small flat. I bet he's looked at house shares and was shocked by the price. You could ask him to pay the flat's expenses. But I bet give him another few months and he will be looking at jobs in other (cheaper)places and moving and you will have your flat back.

Riggie, yes that's what would concern me, hence my earlier post upthread (Wed 16-Mar-22 10:22:14). It's not as simple as it sounds!

MawtheMerrier

What would be the problem with charging him a reasonable rent?

Because I am guessing that he will then have rights as a tenant.

Marty

He is your darling grandson and you love him. I think some of the posts are rather harsh.
Life is tough for young people these days. I am sure finding somewhere to stay or flat share with someone you like is difficult.
Let him stay and charge a reasonable rent. He won't be there for ever.

I agree !

If your GS is old enough to live and work in London. he is also old enough at the very least to pay if only a nominal rent as well as council tax etc.
You have given him a head start and in theory, he should have saved something towards a deposit on his own place.
Speak to him while you are there and explain to your son what you intend to do and that you only ever planned it to be a temporary arrangement that seems heading towards becoming permanent.
If your son wants to help his son to look for somewhere else, that is up to him.
On the other hand, if you rarely use the flat, why not officially rent it to GS ? Surely better than having the place stand empty ?

Have a straight forward conversation with him, saying what you had understood when he first stayed in your flat, and that you had expected him to find somewhere else by now. No need to judge him or blame him or apologise! Listen to him, and give him a date by which you expect him to move elsewhere. Its better for him if you treat him as a responsible adult - not an indulged child!

Is he saving the presumably considerable amount of money he’s not spending on rent? That’s one thing I’d certainly want to know.

Make it clear that he has to leave by a set date. It's not fair on you or him giving him the hope he can stay as long as he wants