How do I reclaim my flat?

You will need to have a conversation with your son/grandson because from
his point of view he is very comfortable where he is.
In the long term you will not do him any favours because if he is virtually rent free he will not learn that accommodation costs quite a lot, especially in London.
He needs to share the expenses at the very least. You could ask if he had used this opportunity to save some money, but am betting he may not have done.
He has been very lucky but fir his sake this can’t go on.

Tell him you want your flat back, that it was only ever meant to be a temporary arrangement, and that in the meantime (which will be short, he has to pay for the utilities.

In other words, be blunt with him about reality.

It’s not the same thing at all but when my offspring came home to live a couple of times I gave her an achievable deadline of, for example, two months ahead, to find a place. It worked both times with no issues.
In your case maybe he won’t enjoy sleeping on a blow up bed & when you mention money that will hopefully focus his mind.
He’s working & living in an adult world & presumably likes to be treated as an adult? Now is his time to shape up & ship out & show you all how grown up he can be.
Have a pow-wow, set the deadline & keep reminding him about it. He’ll probably surprise you? I hope so! Good luck.

My first thought was that you'll probably have to find him a flat or houseshare! He's too comfortable in yours.

But do talk it out with him. He might be feeling quite guilty about still being there.

And charge him, as others have suggested.

What would be the problem with charging him a reasonable rent?

Speak to your son asap. Your GS should at the very least be paying you rent. Your expenses continue regardless of who is there. However that is not the only issue, your flat has been ' taken over' and is no longer available for your own use. Please take courage and address this quickly.

You need to be upfront with him about finding a flat-share - assuming he can’t afford to rent on his own. So many young people do it, and there are plenty of websites listing available places. So I’d give him a deadline and tell him that in the meantime he needs to be paying a reasonable rent.

But IMO it’s his parents who should be having this conversation with him first. Are you on the sort of terms where you could bring this up?

Apart from anything else, if he’s paying nothing, it’s going to come as that much more of a shock when the cost of a roof over your head really hits him.

It is very likely that he will struggle to find anything affordable in London unless he is earning a large salary. The average for a share is £850 pm. If you are only using the flat occasionally, what is the problem with him living there and paying you rent?
Even better, sell your flat. You clearly don’t use it that often and a 2 hour commute every now and again isn’t that difficult, and allow someone who needs to live and work in London the opportunity to do so. Maybe even your grandson!

When it comes to my grandchild, I am a sift touch. I would get him stay and charge him rent.

Even better, sell your flat.

Why should the OP do this? She said the arrangement was for a month or so. Also says DH uses the flat when he works in London.

Sounds rather like DS and GS thought that once he was in there, he would be allowed to stay on indefinitely.

Not really fair.

If he has stayed in a London flat rent and bills free, of course he is comfortable. He is an adult now and needs to understand that brings responsibilities, like paying your way. While he has been living in your flat buckshee, has he been saving for his own place? If not, then he is taking advantage and grandson or not, needs telling. It needs sorting and soon.

Just wondering whether charging him 'rent' would alter his legal status and make it harder to get him to leave if he's reluctant to do so? It's a minefield these days!

Calendargirl

^Even better, sell your flat^.

Why should the OP do this? She said the arrangement was for a month or so. Also says DH uses the flat when he works in London.

Sounds rather like DS and GS thought that once he was in there, he would be allowed to stay on indefinitely.

Not really fair.

Because Calendargirl property in London and the SE is in short supply. This flat sounds like it is empty most of the time. Young people can’t buy, or rent, anything affordable in our area because flats have been bought by people who work in London during the week and go home to their country home at weekends. During the pandemic these properties have lain empty which has had a serious impact on local businesses. However because of supply and demand if the properties go on sale the price is still too inflated for local youngsters to be able to afford.
Goddaughter is looking to buy a flat in London, she can ‘only’ afford £550,000 for a 1 bedroom/studio. These flats don’t even make it onto the internet, Estate Agents have a list of people who they contact knowing that the property is likely to be sold within two or three viewings at higher than asking price.

Charge him the commercial rent. That will have him up and rapidly looking for a cheaper place in a shared flat or house

You could just tell him he has to leave as you like to stay occasionally and would rather it were empty the rest of the time.

So we’ll all be ‘bunking’ down together, with him sleeping on an air mattress in the living room! I

Who will be sleeping on the air mattress?

As others have said, give him a time limit, be careful if you charge rent however small as it may give him legal rights and don’t sell your flat.
Good luck as he sounds that he has the perfect place.

Your opinions are all very helpful, thank you. Regarding Nandad - I have thought about selling the flat, but we are caught in the cladding scenario (although we think if there is cladding, it’s a very small amount - my DH is an architect!). I have had a chat with my GS and he has got a ‘move on’, and I have also found some accommodation for him through friends etc.but they are too far out! He’s not a selfish lad but he has a particular area he wants to be in, and after the lockdown shared flats are difficult to find and get snapped up. I am on the ‘case’ and will be having a chat with him. Just wondered what OP’s views were, and on the whole they confirm mine. Thanks again

Nandad, also, you’re right, the flat has been empty, but we’ve just come out of lockdown, so we weren’t able to be there at all for a while - we’re resuming now!

If you doubt whether he is saving, you could charge him rent and give the money back to him when he finds somewhere else so that he can use it as a deposit

nandad

The same argument applies in areas like Cornwall, Devon and Dorset, I suppose, where properties have been bought as second or holiday homes, pushing the price out of reach of local people, particularly young ones.

Short of banning the sale of second homes, I don’t know what the answer is.

I sympathise with both sides in this scenario. A one bedroomed flat is too small for that extra body. My daughter, while she looked for a place, had to bunk down with a relative on an airbed for nearly three months. She was buying and legal process had to be endured. When she decided to upgrade to a two bedroomed flat, accelerated because of WFH, she had to move further out for one in her price range. I think you need to consider the loneliness of London for young people who have recently moved there. He wants to be where he feels he has contacts and a safe area to come back to late at night. I think you are doing the right thing by helping him to find a place, even going with him to view if necessary. We tend to think that when they become adults they should know it all and will be sensible about their choices, However, they are young adults, in the big world for the first time and need some TLC - a little, not too much - to help them make the right choices. Most London areas are accessible by bus and tube. I'd encourage him to cast the net a little wider as he may get more for his money, even if it is an extra 20 minute commute.

It’s good that he’s recognising that he needs to get himself sorted out with his own place. I’d suggest to him that when you and your Dh need the flat your GS goes and stays in a Travelodge or similar while you’re in London. That might concentrate his mind, too!

SueDonim, good idea - he really can't expect to stay there when it's needed by the owners.

Unfortunately, the problem has been created by an overly generous offer of help. He should have been paying rent and bills right from the start and should have been given a deadline to leave as well.

How you do it is you do it!