Whose right here

I was also shocked that your son asked for payment. Fair enough if you offered. But even then, unless he badly needed the money, he should have refused.

Thank you everyone. Yes of course there is a history of bullying behaviour, which I am better at handling than I was. I am a bit of a Wimp which, of course goes back to childhood.

As for paying my son, I am happy to do so. They are not short of money by any means, but I would rather pay him than the local council. At least the job will be done properly.DS and I are quite close and he would willingly do jobs for me without payment (this is the first time I will have paid him).

Thank you for your replies!

I often transfer £10/£20 into my DDs account to help with the cost of fuel, I know she doesn't expect it & her & DiL will often have a treat instead of putting fuel in the car. My DD & DiL often do jobs for me & I am better off than they are so it's my way of saying thank you

All from the man who calls his old woodwork teacher "Harry Shamper" and didn't know what a bradawl was.

I keep saying Harry Shamper to myself and not getting it

Nor do I know what a bradawl is Yammy

There is no hope!

Oh, just looked upbradawl.

DH has a couple - I find one very useful for getting dried mud out of the soles of trainers

Callistemon21

Oh, just looked upbradawl.

DH has a couple - I find one very useful for getting dried mud out of the soles of trainers

I knew bradawl, DH has one, but until this week’s crossword I didn’t know brad was a small nail.
Learn something new every day.

Callistemon21

^All from the man who calls his old woodwork teacher "Harry Shamper" and didn't know what a bradawl was.^

I keep saying Harry Shamper to myself and not getting it

Nor do I know what a bradawl is Yammy

There is no hope!

I was an only child with a dad who was very handy,I knew that a bradawl was for making the initial hole before putting in a screw or nail because he had shown me,DH did not want to be told. A shamper or chamfer not sure which,is a way they put corners together in woodwork to make them neat.The poor chap must have been Harry? but they all called him Chamfer because he was always going on about getting them right.

Just looked it up myself it is Chamfer. A woodworking or engineering term which my dad way of angling a joint at a corner.

DanniRae

I can't believe that you had to pay your son to take the rubbish for you?

My initial thought too. My son would help me in a heartbeat for nothing. Perhaps a homecooked meal somewhere down the line, but no pressure.

MawtheMerrier

“When a man says he is going to do something, there is no need to remind him every six months” ??

So true.

He sounds very annoying. I would be inclined to give him a time limit and say if it's not done by then I'm paying someone...and stick to it.

Coastpath If it's heavy, it's a man's job.

DH has a couple - I find one very useful for getting dried mud out of the soles of trainers

I have a bradawl too - very handy for putting a new hole in leather belts.

Lots of men and women are a bit like toddlers.

I've found nagging never pays with Mr A. I leave it until it annoys me and then I just do it myself. Then I get the 'I would have done it if you'd asked me...' so I just respond 'I know. I did ask you. But I wanted it done now.' Most of the time these days he leaves it just long enough so I know he's doing it on his terms (I know, I know - I don't understand it either). Then I say a very surprised 'thank you'.

Life would be so much easier if we were all perfect, but so few of us are. And Mr A has many redeeming characteristics.

Yammy

Just looked it up myself it is Chamfer. A woodworking or engineering term which my dad way of angling a joint at a corner.

DH has probably mentioned those terms to me but they went in one ear and out of the other!!

I have heard of a dovetail joint (clever, eh!)

I need a bradawl.

SallyWally:

"I think the issue here is a bullying tone used by him to me."

Is he not so much bullying as blustering because he knows perfectly well he has let you down?

Baggs

I need a bradawl.

We have two in the junk tools drawer.
It's just that I never knew the correct name.

My son is a lovely person who has had serious proble.s this yea. He is only 33, has had major surgery and a new addition to his family. Paying him to do a job is not an issue. There is quite a lot of rubbish to take and I don’t begrudge the money. Lots of times he had done jobs just to help out, with no payment expected. He is a joy to me as is his lovely three year old daughter.

You need to assert yourself" Do not talk to me in that manner "said forcefully but quietly and calmly should do the job If you are unhappy and don't feel safe put him out domestic violence comes in many forms

I have found that if I say to Mr R "If you have a moment can you........" and he will willingly do it. I have to say if it's a cleaning job I've asked him to do it gets done amazingly well. Much better than I would have done it!

Rather than constantly asking my husband, I used to write him a list of all the jobs that needed doing.
Then at the weekend he would consult his list and decide which jobs to do. He seemed to enjoy the "official" nature of this system for some reason ?
Saved a lot of nagging!
These days he writes his own list ?

It's all well and good making lists, but not if some of the jobs are on the list for years.

Rubbish removal part II. So I have withdrawn the money to pay my DS who is doing the job tomorrow, weather permitting. I have bought him some protective gloves, which he needs in particular as he is on warfarin. For the record the rubbish is more broken ceramic pots and various detritus and is mostly not garden rubbish such as grass which would have gone in our council compost bin.

OH said ‘oh why didn’t you pay me the money rather than DS”. I said you didn’t want to do the job, for which I don’t blame you, so I will pay DS instead “ and will also be blessed with the company of his three year old daughter who I have every Thursday afternoon.

What a fuss over nothing! At least it should all be gone by tomorrow, weather permitting.

Indeed Sally what a fuss. You need to make a plan for dealing with similar problems in the future, to save all the stress.

My hubby over the years says he'll do a job and then doesn't.
I just get someone in now, can't be doing with all the waiting I have a very reasonably priced handyman I use.
He cleans my windows and does all sorts of jobs. He's coming to put some posts in and new fences in a couple of weeks.

Good for you Jeanie.