Where have all the dads gone?

I think if you read the statistics a lot of men walk out because their partner or child becomes disabled! The figure is really high. So whilst some people are sitting in judgement of the women of Eccles, it might be worth them opening their minds a little

I also think it is good women can seek help to leave abusive relationships now. I do not want to return to a country where rape and domestic abuse/violence in marriage was legal either.

MissA, you do yourself a disservice. All families argue! and if they don't argue they stew and that is worse ime of my husband's family!

Yeah, I'm not the most maternal person, and she was a little cow at times.
We did have some fun though, along the way and fights

My mum used to get in between us to keep us from getting at eachother sometimes!

I'm finding it a hell of a lot harder this time around, that's for sure.

I think every woman starts a relationship and a family thinking it will last, sadly this is not always the case. It is unfair and judgemental to lump all single parents together as one at fault group.

MissAdvenure
You make it sound idyllic, must have been hard work though.

....and I went back to full-time work when my maternity pay ended( she was 6 weeks old) to keep us all. I struggled financially ( I sold my wedding and engagement rings for the children's Christmas presents that year), but want to point out that single parenthood and benefits claimants are two different issues.

My daughter told me she never felt she missed out.
We had a high old time of it, eating a bag of chips on the beach, watching scary films.
She said she couldn't miss what she hadnt had, and her friends were all quite jealous that she had my sole attention.

Allsorts
Completely agree.
Good for you, you can now say, I did that, I made a bloody good job of it, and I did it on my own.
But I agree, we try and compensate, maybe over compensate, for his lack of interest, but it’s not the same.
My husband is a complete pushover with his girls, they both know that dad is always there for them, and always on their side. I find it really sad that she’ll never know that relationship, although she can of course twist grandad around her little finger.

When I was left with sole responsibility for my two, there was no way you could get money from your husband or ex husband, they made it impossible. If he wanted to disappear he could. You don’t think someone you have been with 14 years would just walk. I was fit and had several jobs and they both did exceptionally well, in their careers, marriages and families, yet nothing makes up for being abandoned by your father, it leaves scars, no birthdays, Christmas present, no congratulations on exams or jobs, no interest. I used to cry myself to sleep many times seeing them hurt. Yet he’s the loser he knows that when he looks in the mirror. The best thing I did and the hardest was single mom. I do have issue that people have children without a solid relationship in place. If your a proper couple then that child is wanted by both, unfortunately some men after a few years do pass total responsibility to mom, we won’t ever let them down, I think they are spineless cowards, how can anyone walk away from their child, even if the love has gone for the partner, your children are for life, they need their dad.

That must be very hurtful Sara1954.

The poor little soul.
That must be awful to see all the social media stuff - I'm glad it wasn't around when my girl was growing up.

Gill
I agree, it isn’t all about the money, the money is a niggle, but we can manage without it, which I’m sure he knows.
But I hate him for how he treats her, no birthday presents, not even a card, no Christmas presents, I doubt he even knows where she goes to school.
And all the time TikTok and Instagram are bombarded daily with his perfect (on the surface) other family, and his other children.

I think perhaps they intend to stay in touch, then realise how much easier it is not to, and the longer it goes on, the more they can slightly change the story so they don't seem as bad, and eventually, it isn't so bad.
Lots of people have children from former marriages or relationships.

Perhaps by the time you get to 50 odd nobody cares so much (except your children, but by then you dont even know them)

Personally, I can't understand the mindset of any parent who can abandon or have little to do with their child, or not pay towards making their child's life more comfortable, but as Jane said, it isn't always about the financial contribution. It must be difficult for a child to grow up knowing that their absent parent, usually the father, cares little for them, has moved on, has another family that he 'prefers'. The elephant in the room is of course, that fine example of fatherhood Johnson. His children may be adults, but they were tossed aside, several were denied, at least one was supposed to be aborted. The taxpayer may not be paying, but it isn't all about money.

I agree GillT57

I also think that we need young people in this country, we should be encouraging people to have more children, especially after brexit.

Oh God, this thread is, with a few notable realistic exceptions, so depressing. Someone starts a thread asking why some Fathers don't contribute to raising their children, and despite true stories of how some people's daughters have been let down by the Father of their children, there are still a disappointing few who churn out the same ignorant crap nonsense about the Mothers. I can't be bothered to correct all the fairy stories, but I believe that now, you only get benefit for the first two children ( so why 'churn' out 8?), housing is not awarded as a prize for getting pregnant for a start. Even if there are feckless Mothers, and I am sure there are because there always have been, even in the 'good old days', surely nobody wishes the children to be singled out, made to suffer because of their irresponsible parents? or maybe some of you do, the same ones who would see the coastguard puncture inflatable dinghies at Dover. Shameful, truly shameful

I changed jobs at one point, and a condition of "being better in work", or whatever the soundbite of that time, was that you had to allow the CSA to contact the absent parent.

Again, lots more upset and upheaval was caused for lots of people, and I wasnt exactly popular, and i wasnt better off in work, anyway.

The csa closed down my case, and said that unless my ex volunteered to pay, they couldn't make him.

If a young person has not experienced a supportive & 'unconditional' love from parent/s it will be hard to know what that feels & looks like in practice.
Many young women, unrealistically, seek that unconditional love from a baby.... they hope the father will stay because of the child & they often do..but only until the novelty wears off & the reality of 24/7 care for another human is too much responsibility. It is hard enough for parents who have gone into parenthood with eyes wide open!
There is often lack of aspirations in the mix too and almost guaranteed poverty in the young parents family home.

Also, if the absent parent then goes on to have a new family, is there any point in taking money from them, and then having to then pay benefits because they've not enough to live on?
It's something that needs a proper procedure in place.
Perhaps people wouldn't then go on to have more children (or so many of them) if they know they would absolutely be paying for the original children.

My daughter spoke to a lady from the CSA, she took loads of information, was very helpful and sympathetic to my daughters situation.
She never heard another word about it and certainly no money was forthcoming
About ten years ago when she tried, they basically told her you can’t get blood out of a stone.

With the csa, I think they went after the easy targets - men who were already paying towards their children.
Although all but £5, I think, was taken from benefits to account for it.
A lot of men who were already paying a fair bit were themselves put into poverty.

Others paid nothing, and it all was a horrible mess.

Of course, "they", whoever "they" are, do say that everyone is only 2 paychecks away from being sucked into a life of poverty.
Even professionals.

Grannygravy
Yes of course, there are some really good dads out there, and some are treated pretty poorly by their childrens mothers, I know some who have gone to enormous lengths to maintain contact.
But there is no question that a lot of men can simply walk away, I don’t know if they will have regrets when it’s all too late.

GrannyGravy13

trisher you really do not like women do you?

Some relationships just break down, too much too soon and it’s over.

There are some very good dads out there who co-parent.
As usual it’s only the bad-ens who get in the news…

GG13 I seldom post personal experiences but actually knowing what goes on in the real world has absolutely nothing to do with liking or disliking women. It's simply a question of knowing that not all relationship break downs and estrangements are the fault of the man. Some are orchestrated and run by women, which they have a perfect right to do. Knowing that and realising that one of the real problems with that is women's lack of real equality in pay is not "disliking women" anymore than those who post disparaging comments about dads is "disliking men."

I had a married acquaintance ( former neighbour) who deliberately became pregnant, twice, after she had the 2 children her DH & she had " agreed" would be a good family. I was not surprised that relationship broke down & that he begrudged paying maintenance for two children he had not really agreed to..I think he might have been OK with no 3 but no. 4 was pushing her luck.. I know he could have insisted on condoms but she told him she was on a " better" pill after no. 3! She happily told me it was deliberate. Not sure where she is now but heard through the grapevine that she is in much reduced circumstances. Kids all adults..all also reliant on some support. She had a professional qualification but single parent with 4 children...hardcto hold down a job.

Actually, if he has willingly had unprotected sex and fathered a child, why shouldn't he pay?

The mothers living arrangements don't absolve his responsibility.