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What do you do about photographs after a separation

(12 Posts)
Lizbethann55 Sat 02-Apr-22 23:50:33

Hopefully this question will turn out to be hypothetical but here goes. I suspect that my DD's marriage is about to end. Nothing catastrophic has happened but neither of them is happy and there are no children involved. But their wedding day was beautiful and we have fond memories of it. If any of you have been in the same position, what did you do about any photos of the wedding day that you had on display? Do I take them down and put them away ? Or do I leave them out as a memory of a beautiful occasion full of happiness and the expectation of a long life together?

paddyann54 Sun 03-Apr-22 01:05:28

I kept my daughters photographs,but,there were children involved.I thought it was best they could see that their parents loved each other before they arrived and that there were happy times.In your case I'd check with your daughter ,if theres no animosity between them she might be happy for you to display them at least until she meets someone new .Hopefully it wont come to that ,all marriages have sticky patches and most come through it stronger.Sending best wishes to the couple and to you .

cornergran Sun 03-Apr-22 01:37:15

One of our sons is divorced. Once we knew their separation was to be permanent it felt impossible to keep their photo on display with the other family wedding photos so I put it in a cupboard. The framed photo and their wedding album are now put away safely in case our grandchildren would like them one day. We could also provide a digital copy of many photos of our son and his former wife lodged in our computer and would be pleased to do so. As time has gone on seeing photos of happy times past simply trigger happy memories for us so I have no problem when they pop up, our son however would prefer not to see them.

I hope your fears are unfounded lizbethann. I don’t think there’s any one way with photos. Everyone and every family is different. If the time comes do what feels best for you and your daughter and be prepared for that to change with time.

eazybee Sun 03-Apr-22 07:16:19

Keep the photographs but don't do anything until you know where your daughter's marriage is going, and even then, don't destroy, simply follow your instincts, (and hers).

My in-laws had our wedding photograph displayed, but long before our marriage disintegrated I. called round unexpectedly and noticed it had been removed! Not much hope really.

Grannynannywanny Sun 03-Apr-22 07:32:05

After my grandparents died we came across a box of photos including one taken on my wedding day many years before. It was originally one of 2 grandparents with bride and groom. My Gran had taken a pair of scissors and removed the groom and kept the rest of the photo!

Gilly3 Sun 03-Apr-22 08:10:39

I think if the worst happened I would remove them shortly afterwards. In fact I would have a rearrangement of all my displayed photos so as not to feel the loss quite as much.

TerriBull Sun 03-Apr-22 09:02:14

I really wouldn't do anything about them, your fears may not become reality, and even if they do, you can't erase the past. We were both married before, I remember going to my late parent's in law house and in the dining room there was a picture of my husband with his ex and other family members sitting round a table at some do, I remember his mum saying "I really shouldn't have that photo on display anymore" to which I replied "It doesn't bother me at all" so she left it as it was. Somewhere I have my photos tucked away, obviously I wouldn't display them, neither would I get rid of them. In my husband's case, he had two children from his first marriage so even more important to keep his family photos.

Kim19 Sun 03-Apr-22 09:04:51

I have many regrets about photos I parted with in haste. Simply store them away somewhere initially and revisit them as and when the emotional fervour has calmed. How I wish!

Redhead56 Sun 03-Apr-22 09:08:12

I wouldn’t destroy them ask your daughter what’s she would like to do with them when you know the outcome.

DiscoDancer1975 Sun 03-Apr-22 09:11:22

It may not happen, but we’ve had this with our son and his wife. Separated two years ago. Divorce proceedings about to start.

Wedding photos stayed up until just recently. Around Christmas I think. My son then asked if they could come down, in case our grandchildren became confused, especially the oldest, as obviously now two years older, and understood more. We obliged of course.

Naturally....I may have left them until they were actually divorced. So sad isn’t it? There was no adultery or anything catastrophic in their marriage either. Just grew apart, and realised the love had gone.

My DIL was like a daughter....and I still love her. It’s been messier than I can go into here. I hope....if it comes to it....it’s straightforward and painless as possible for you all ?

Oldnproud Sun 03-Apr-22 09:35:22

My late MiL kept my OH's wedding album.
To be honest, when I found out - OH stumbled across it by accident one day when we were visiting - I thought it rather odd, but at least she didn't have any of the photos on display.

What I found even odder was that after her death, over twenty years later, when he sorted out her house, my BIL (OH's brother) held on to them to pass on to my OH. This is a BIL who threw away (or sold) all manner of items of sentimental value that my OH would have liked to keep, yet saw fit to keep back those old wedding photos rather than put them straight in the bin like he did all the old photos of their parents, or their own childhood!

As to your own situation, Lizbethann55, I agree with what others have said. Don't do anything for now. If your fears are realized, ask your daughter what she would like you to do about the photos that are on display - and if she says 'leave them there', repeat the question in the future if she is in a new relationship,
Even if you do take them off the wall at some stage, I see no reason to throw them away if you don't want to, though I'm guessing that you might have a wedding album anyway which probably has the same photos in it? If you do, that is a much more discrete way of saving those memories than keeping pictures on the wall

Septimia Sun 03-Apr-22 10:49:14

I removed all photos showing ex-DiL and deleted all the ones she was in on my computer. But I have the wedding album and digital copies put away for my GD to have when she is older. It's interesting that DS wanted them kept for her but ex seems not to be bothered.....