Feel a bit sad and unwanted

'Twas ever thus. My son was going on a high school trip and I could see something was on his mind.
Eventually he said, "Mum, can I have my hug and kiss goodbye here in the kitchen, not outside school in front of all my mates?"
I was just touched that he still wanted one at all!

were not where.

Not sure that supervision is needed at 15 years of age. I started work at 15 and travelled into London every day. Having said that I don't think today's 15 year olds are as mature as some of us where at that age. Taking him out for lunch is a great idea.

Skydancer Please do not feel sad thinking you have wasted years. You have spent your years wisely! You have enjoyed these years and experienced happiness looking after him. Time passes so quickly and I am making the most of my ' grandchildren time'. I feel sad for the parents and grandparents who do not want to spend time with them. Wishing the years away and always looking out for others to look after them. now that is sad. Your bond with will be strong and not be broken as he grows.

I think that gd had a great idea. It's a different more grown up stage.

Of course it s not wasted years it’s built up memories that he ll remember when he’s a big man
I remember when my granddaughter was about that age and was going up to the city to meet her friends I was going for a trip out so we travelled on the bus together She said towards the end of the ride ‘ no disrespect Nan but please don’t come any further with me when we get off the bus’ I said ok ….during my trip round the shops I happened to walk past her and her group of friends, she looked the other way, I found it quite funny and was sure I would have done the same thing
Her older brother however is the exact opposite he would have seen me and given me a hug and probably hugged any friend I was out with too ha ha

I bet your grandson has been battling with his mother for the last 18 months about not needing to be minded during the holidays. She set the target at 15 - and that day has arrived.

Your DGS is growing up, learning to be independent and manage for himself, he really does not want his granmother dropping round to see if he is alright.

Life is a succession of changes of needs and no needs. Think back to your own childhood and your chlldrens, you and they all went through it. Did you really not realise yourself that he was coming to an age where holiday care was no longer needed and that he would run his own life?

There is nothing anyof us can do about these stages, we are all getting older at exactly the same rate, whether we are 8, 18 or 80. So greet the necst stage of your life with enthusiasm, consoder what you are going to do with all this extra time and look forward to the future.

Find a subject that could feasibly become a new interest for you, find an angle on that, that he knows about/appeals to him and ask your grandson to join you for lunch as you need some advice.
Then you have something new to talk about, you are giving him the opportunity to give his opinion and you can spend time together having a lovely meal just the two of you. Nothing too posh or intimidating for him but a modern relaxed menu.
Other than that, DO find a new interest, maybe something outside your comfort zone that will surprise both the family and yourself!!
Good Luck!

Maybe it’s now time for you to develop more interests of your own. I don’t think it’s healthy to make your family responsible for your happiness

This 100%
Its not a good idea to make your grandchildren your whole life.
There's a whole world out there that doesn't revolve around grandchildren.
Theres Travel.
Volunteering
Hobbies.
Days out with friends for coffee/lunch/drinks.
Join as many things as you can and your friendship group as well as your world will soon widen up.

I have friends who were looking forward to retirement only to have nearly all their free time taken up with babysitting and school runs etc. I feel a bit sorry for them really.
It's a time of life when they should have more freedom, yet once again they find themselves tied down by children.

I think that along with a prolonged adolescence modern life has left a lot of us thinking that we need a prolonged motherhood or grand motherhood to give our lives shape and meaning. I love babies and the baby stage! When my kids were teens I started volunteering with new mothers who needed someone experienced to hold their hands. Then I changed fields and went into clinical social work. My two children will not have children for a while. I’m never going to fill my cup being grandma—much as I might want to! I and my friends, rising sixties, need to think seriously about taking up activities that renew us—writing, art, hiking, volunteering. Because being granny is not going to be a full time identity for us even if in an ideal world we would like it to be. And it never was! This next stage of life always included a lot of other roles and goals for women. Try to respect and honor the loving relationship you had with your grandson and move on gracefully to the next phase of your life.

15-year-olds do not need a babysitter. Think back to when your daughter was that age, did you think the years bringing her up were wasted when she did not need you anymore.

Maybe you need more outside interests rather than concentrating on childcare.

Please don’t feel pathetic, feel proud of your input and help that has helped to make him into the young adult he is becoming. Giving him the space to become independent is just as important as all the times you fed and cuddled him as a wee boy.

For 10 years we did the school run, at both ends of the day. Then for some of the school holidays. We were close to him and knew all about his life. We knew things would change but it was sudden and drastic. It was lockdown, and we weren’t needed for anything even after lockdown. It was a little sad but he had moved on to the next part of his life. He is now at Uni, and we are proud of him. And feel privileged that we had that time with him. C’est la vie.

ask him for dinner? or out for lunch?
The way to a teenage boy is through his stomach

You sound like you have been a steady Grandma and a good influence in your daughter and grandsons life, that is something to feel proud of xx

Skydancer, you have my sympathy. Our own DGS is now 15, and on on our last visit (family are overseas and the visit was made after not seeing them for years because of Covid) he barely spoke to us. I recommend looking up: "Kevin becomes a teenager", on YouTube. This is an (old!) TV sketch with Harry Enfield, which says it all, IMO.
As other GNS have said here, all you can do as a Gran is to keep open and available to him. I just keep reminding my self that "this too, will pass."

Absolutely don’t feel you’ve wasted anything. Quite the opposite. It’s your love and care over the years of his life, that have helped bring him to the place he is in now.

He’ll fly for a few years....but he’ll be back. Do something for yourself in between.

The offer of lunch out is a good one or how about a family meal at yours over the bank holiday, another thing if you are a driver and have a car could be the offer of a lift if he needs it . My daughter used to like calling down to her GM for lunch/ brunch before she headed off to meet her friends if you are nearer enough he could do that now and again.

Feel proud he is a capable young man who you have helped to be that. He'll always love his gran but perhaps will not be so willing to show it so openly. Or feel he wants to put you to the trouble of looking after him.

It is so sad when they don't need you any more. But cherish all the foundations you have laid that show your grandson what a loving, happy relationship looks like. It's a very precious thing that you and he have.
When he gets past his teenage angst, he may well enjoy meeting you for a coffee and a chat and it'll be like old times.
My grandson, an awkward a child as you are ever going to meet, at fourteen, spontaneously gave me hug at the weekend. I nearly burst into tears but held it together as I didn't want to put him off ever doing it again!
Be proud that he's becoming independent, that's how it should be.

Definitely not wasted years.. He will never forget them and I'm sure he will hold onto much love for you as he grows up.
My children did the same around 15, I used to take time off work during summer holidays to be home with them, they didn't want me around, gave up with doing that.

My parents did the same as you, my holiday childcare support, and after school care. They were both very comfortable at their grandparents home, they all had amazing closeness and love for them.
Not wasted years, enriched years full of fun and love.
Which your Grandson will have for you, I'm sure.

I used to spend a lot of time with one of my nieces from when she was about 5.
We used to go shopping by bus on a Saturday whenever she came for the weekend and my son (the same age) went over to a friends.
We also used to go to concerts together - in the last few years, she used to drive, I always paid for the tickets!
That all stopped when she went to Uni, even though she was at a college nearby and I haven't really spent much time with her since - I felt really redundant , I can say!
She is expecting her first baby this summer but I very much doubt if I will be seeing either of them unless there is a family event we both attend and I just get the feeling that she doesn't want to spend time with me anyway !

You should be proud that you’ve helped to shape him into the lovely teenager he is today.
Why not ask him over for a lunch at yours/ or suggest a pub lunch one of the days - if he’s free?
It’s normal for teenagers to want to be independent at this age.

Why don’t you invite him out for lunch as a treat one day? I’m sure he would still be up for that.
I feel for you Skydancer I’m dreading those times coming with my grandchildren.

I understand how sad you feel Skydancer. The bond with our grandchildren is very strong. I still miss the contact I used to have with my eldest grand daughter but I have just taken a phone call from her and it lifted my spirits (although I could hardly say goodbye through the tears).
You have done a wonderful job with yours, a time full of love and care. It is hard to let them go.
Think about the good times you had together and you can still see him now and again. Take a phone call now and again too, it does help.
Sending hugs

Of course you haven’t wasted years! You’ve been a helping hand while your GS was small and as he was growing up. It’s only natural that he now wants to spread his wings but you’re still a good safety net for if/when he needs it.

Maybe it’s now time for you to develop more interests of your own. I don’t think it’s healthy to make your family responsible for your happiness. I’m sure there will be voluntary groups that would welcome your help - maybe investigate those.