If we have a disagreement things always turn into an argument mainly because he says “ I’m not arguing “ we never get anything sorted . I get so angry because I know he doesn’t want to deal with it, he’s so so for a quite life.
We are so different
He has to GO out the house and I’m ok with staying in. I can get on with things in the house, house stuff, film on tv, reading , garden.
I must say I do suffer anxiety, so not always up to going out. But even that as got boring with him as all hr wants to do with me is
A coffee(mainly the same place)
M&S for lunch( he says because I’m a plain eater) but I’ve suggested new places with fairly plain menu and I’ve got
“ what do you want to go there for”
He’s not interested in house decor, but will sit there whilst I paint and say that looks nice.
We still hit the same carpet on the stairs from when we moved in 20 yrs ago, when I say it’s disgusting I mean it
He’d let me buy it no problem as I have with lots off other things in the house.
It’s got to the point now that I resent him
Like Easter weekend
Fri - he went bike event
Sat - he went tennis, I did mention
Great Easter I’ve had for last 10 yrs. he then said we go somewhere tomorrow .
I’ve sat here thinking through how in the past he’s actually put me first? Beginning off relationship! I can’t talk to him(I know it’s childish, but he want talk it through anyway, I’ve already had “ I’m not arguing “
So I’m wasting my energy and time
He know I’m angry, so we’re not speaking
Sunday - he’s gone out on pedal bike
Mon - he’s at bike event again
I just feel I’ve wasted the last 13 yrs with him.
He had an affair when I was going through menopause and had chronic anxiety & depression. Which only came to light when I guessed, even a coward to go. Leading 2 lives for 2 years.
Because of how I was I suppose when exh cheated on me and left me with 4yr old
I didn’t want to go through the trauma off it again
He stayed, I don’t know why as OW wanted them to set up home together
I can honestly say that absolutely shattered me mentally and physically at the age of 56
I’m now 64 and wished I’d off gone then.
He isn’t going to change his dad was exactly the same. His mum left his dad because he never dealt with relationship issues and wanted quite life so would ignore issues and get on with his own life, which is what dp does. He will act like nothing as been said,
He is so selfish.
His mum as on set dementia, she lives in an apartment with his sister helping out as she live 6/7 mile away from her taking shopping . She organised a cleaner and about 15 yrs ago home help. We live 26 miles away.
So about 3 weeks ago, he gets call from other sister to say his mum gad been out into care. This wasn’t discussed with all 3 children as they do not get on.
He went mad calling sister that helped her
Saying I will never forgive A for doing that and I will get my own back on her(hes67)
I said she’s probably “had enough “ she’s been doing it for over 5 yrs, and it git too much. We don’t know how things are! As he’s mum now only says same 4 sentence’s
He hasn’t been to the home himself! Because he says it reminds him of when his dad was in one(very close to dad)
But, when his dad was at his home with dementia, he resented sitting with him once a week because he didn’t like his new wife
and why should he sit whilst she goes out
This was for 2 hrs.
So I know, there is no way he would be willing to look after me if anything was to happen like that, his life goes on no matter what.
I feel I resent him when he acts like he does
Putting himself first.
I know I could make a life for myself, do things I like etc. I just think what’s the point of living together but doing separate things
I’ve been to bike events in the past and tennis tournaments but he will not try what I suggest
I don’t know what to do, I’m getting more negative and resentment
Clio Sun 17-Apr-22 13:48:15
greenlady102 Sun 17-Apr-22 13:50:48
Grandmabatty Sun 17-Apr-22 13:56:06
Germanshepherdsmum Sun 17-Apr-22 14:02:43
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Buttonjugs Sun 17-Apr-22 14:14:05
Elizabeth27 Sun 17-Apr-22 14:28:38
Oopsadaisy1 Sun 17-Apr-22 14:46:54
rafichagran Sun 17-Apr-22 14:48:55
Visgir1 Sun 17-Apr-22 15:09:49
Allsorts Sun 17-Apr-22 15:43:25
MerylStreep Sun 17-Apr-22 16:04:30
BlueBelle Sun 17-Apr-22 16:16:03
BlueBelle Sun 17-Apr-22 16:19:44
sodapop Sun 17-Apr-22 16:21:14
Pepper59 Sun 17-Apr-22 16:28:41
Clio Sun 17-Apr-22 16:30:14
DiscoDancer1975 Sun 17-Apr-22 16:43:34
Redhead56 Sun 17-Apr-22 16:57:34
Germanshepherdsmum Sun 17-Apr-22 17:09:33
V3ra Sun 17-Apr-22 18:42:44