Dp sweeps everything under the carpet, selfish, will do only what he wants to do he

I know I could make a life for myself, do things I like etc. I just think what’s the point of living together but doing separate things

So do you have any hobbies or go on outings with your own friends at the moment? You don't need to wait until you leave him, or not, to have a social life.
You might find you resent him less if you do create a life outside the house for yourself, rather than waiting for him to fit you in to his busy schedule.

At least he’s doing a bit round the house and bringing you a morning coffee. You know when he’s going to the shop so tell him if you need anything, you know it’s pointless to wait for him to be asked. He’s obviously a person of routine. Nothing will change unless you make it change.

OMG! Are you actually married to this selfish rat? Do you own property together? If the answer is yes why have you not made an appointment to see a solicitor by now?
We get one life this is not a practice run please sort this out you don’t deserve it nobody does.

Sorry, I didn’t read all your post, but made up my mind after first few lines. You know what you need to do.

Yes he had an affair and yes I did stay because at the time I loved him and after my divorce with exh I wanted to see if it could be resolved.

As the years have gone on and he’s retired I realised it’s him him & him and I fit in when
He remembers take her somewhere or she will moan.
He as his agenda everyday
8am up showered & breakfast
9am bring me a coffee
9.30-9.45 he goes to shop for bread,veg milk
And anything he feels he needs. He will ask do I want anything, if I don’t know what we’re having for tea when he’s going I have to go myself later.
10.30 he’s back. He get coffee and browse internet
11am he will get hoover out fir downstairs
11.45 lunch or ask are we eating out
12.25 if he’s going out alone. Gone
1.15 if he asked do I want to go anywhere we go around this time
3pm we are on way home, doesn’t like traffic building up
4.30pm he will go in kitchen and start tea
6.30 pm shower again
7pm walk round block
7.30 tea & biscuits
8pm laptop is out, occasionally looking up at tv
11pm checks his cars outside and locks up bed

We have equity not enough for 2 places though, and I know this is when it will get really nasty(I’ve been at this point couple times) he will do nothing
“ you can’t force to to leave my house “ I even got this when he was seeing OW
The whole situation depresses me as I know what coming.I will get
So are we buying our own food then
It will be me that moves into single 20 yr old bed and he will have nice king sz bed
The atmosphere in the lounge at night
I’m dreading it, walking on eggshells feeling

I just don’t know where to start, I also have SEN adult son at home. So not easy as I need 2 bed, I can’t just abandon son.

Why are you with him? There is not one positive comment you have made about him. You really have to ask yourself if you want to continue with the life you are living, for the rest of your life. Think about that and you will get your answer.

Yes I thought I remembered that as well BlueBelle.

Get yourself organised and leave Clio don't waste any more time and energy on him.

New thread (ex thread, retirement problems) (8 Posts)
and I think even this one was a follow up of your dissatisfaction previous thread

You ve posted this before haven’t you ? I remember it clearly

Answer the same …leave

What happened last October when you told him you weren’t happy and wanted to end the relationship?
Nothing changes unless you change.

But plan it, I didn’t, get your fair share, sort what you can away, divorce turns nasty.

Actions speak louder than words.. Leave him.

I would not bother with him either, he sounds like a bore. What are you getting out of the marriage other than resentment.

I know it's hard but if you can afford a small flat or house of your own, you will be better off.

Whatever the reasons, it’s obvious that you don’t want to be with him, leave.

You are two people that want different things, you cannot nor should you try to change him.

Why are you together?

I think you know you need to leave. You are getting absolutely nothing from this relationship. Have you thought that with his family history of dementia he may succumb too in a few years? Get out while you can. Do you have enough money for a deposit on a flat? When I left my husband many years ago I took out a loan for a deposit on a house and moved in with my son, I have never regretted it. Have a look online and see what’s available.

I know I’m a bit of a wimp even pluck up the courage to leave my home, unmanageable to find a new one, but in your position I know just what I would do. Leave, split your assets. He is a selfish uncaring man. His poor sister has done her best caring for his mother and he hardly gives her the time of day. How do you think you will treated by him. He must think it’s a bed of roses having dementia, they don’t choose it, what a shame having to visit and upset himself, I would feel like locking him in. I must admit if he had committed adultery I would not have stayed in the marriage, however people do and say it’s worked out. That would not be an option for me, if it’s not working, which it couldn’t have been, he hardly thought of you when he was sowing his wild oats, better with a cat.

For heaven’s sake see a solicitor about a divorce.

So you knew he had had an affair but stayed with him? He probably thinks there are no consequences for his actions. Life is too short to live with someone who makes you unhappy. Get organised and leave.

leave