why don't they call to see how we are?

I agree with all your posts silverlining48.

Merylstreep Generally I think we all prefer to keep illness to ourselves. I wouldn't dream of telling my children all the times I am ill, but sometimes it's necessary. Like when I had a head injury in January and had to explain why I couldn't buy presents or talk on the phone.
And when mine come to visit (a rare event) its impossible to hide the fact I have M.E.
But I think we all prefer not to have our children concerned or burdened if we can help it.

You could pick up the phone, call them and say that you've not been too well? If it's only been a week since you last heard from them, that's really not neglectful I don't think; they may well have been having a tough week of it themselves and wondered why you didn't call them.

Nadateturbe
I think there’s a difference between a head injury & me and not feeling well
I had a situation last year when all I did was go to the doctor and within 2 hrs I was hooked up to a heart monitor and kept in for 24hrs. My family Were informed then.

When I had treatment for breast cancer and operations on both knees, all three children rang, texted or came to stay. Covid though - OH and I didn’t suffer terribly and I think we just mentioned it in passing. Our daughter paid a bit more attention because she came to stay just after we (and her) had recovered.

I don't know if it helps or not but my husband cares very deeply about his Mother but she has been ill with covid and I have to push him to ring her every few days to ask how she is he just does not think

I'm a bit like that, too.
I'm sure I offend people sometimes, but I'm never sure about the "getting in touch" rules.

I just wonder whether they are trying not to disturb you while you recover - it's tricky thinking about a good time to call someone when you know they may be resting.
Hope you feel better soon.

tickingbird

I agree with Elizabeth. Actions speak louder than words.

i tend to agree with this too.
i see it a lot with a neighbour near here; her son does very little for her, he comes round when he wants something from/in her house or garden.
he does what interests or benefits him.
she is so grateful for any contact.
he doesn't fetch or source any of her necessities; she says, well he dosen't know anout that, whatever it is. he occasionally brings a few apples. if i point out that it is hardly adequate diet for a week, she makes a sour face, as if i have said something wrong.
he knows she cannot do shopping, but makes no move to arrange anything.
he's too busy with his own hobbies. and it's boring.

I don’t agree that if they cared, they would have phoned. I don’t think it’s the cliche we’re so busy. Our children are busy, with their jobs/ family life etc.

Had you have been on your own, then it would be very different. As you and your husband are together...I think there’s room for flexibility. I might have thought that one of you would let me know if you were struggling.

Don’t get me wrong. It would be lovely if they had called, and I think my children would have, but can’t be sure.

Just concentrate on getting better, and remember what we were like in our thirties?....with family, jobs.

Hope you’re soon better ?

When I was a care manager part of my job was to visit and assess elderly people often women on their own requiring domiciliary support.
Where they saw sonething if their famiky they were usually fairly happy but plenty were lonely because their children, some very local,rarely visited or invited.
Many of them talked lovingly but sadly about their children and always made the 'they are very busy' excuse. It did upset me.

30 years later we are still doing this. Excusing again, but the fact is if they wanted to spend time with their parents they would include them. Its not about grans should ring their children if they havnt heard from them, its about their children wanting to ring and chat to their parents, and not just when the parent is sick. . Just fir a chat, normal family stuff.

They may well be thinking "no news is good news".
I wouldn`t mention it tbh.
I`m sure they have been thinking about you both.

silverlining has summed it up.
many careworkers i know, 90% whose heritage is not uk, are astonished and puzzled at the cold-hearted attitude to parents in this country.
they love their parents as much as their children. whereas the consensus here seems to be that children are cute, endlessly indulged, everything revolves around them, whereas parents are boring.

My feelings are very similar to Gin. You say you have an active life so perhaps your children perceive you as being capable and strong thus not needing to be fussed over and perhaps you should take this as a compliment. I do see that you may feel upset at their apparent lack of concern after your illness but I’m sure they would be shocked to find out that you feel this way. I hope you are both back on form soon,

I would send a text message just to let them know you are both doing ok. It might just prompt a phone call they may be distracted by work family etc. Hope you get back to good health soon.

The family whatsapp group is a good idea. Makes contact very easy!

I agree re the family WhatsApp page, you can add updates, add bits of news and gossip, put up photos.
We have one for our immediate family, and one which includes our wider family.
That way nobody feels under pressure.

Our ac shoukd not need to be prompted by a text, they could take the initiative because they WANT to speak to their parents, just a 5 minute chat out of their busy lives. Not much really, if the elderly parent has been a loving one of course.
The elderly are still going along with the too busy excuse because its just too hurtful to think otherwise.
One day our children will be grandparents themselves and may be making these same excuses. Funny, what comes around....

Our ac shoukd not need to be prompted by a text

I wasn't thinking the Whatsapp group was to "prompt" anyone. It is just a quick way to communicate which can be supplemented by phone calls when needed. I think with a Whatsapp group AC who are busy etc etc are more likely to do a quick check in. I don't think people are "going along" with the too busy excuse, they are trying to to help the OP find a solution to her problem in the here and now.

My daughter and I chat on Whatsapp a lot off and on and then speak on the phone when needed. It works for us.

Shelf life is right. They don’t think we are old. Of course they care.

I think Baggs and Madgran have the right idea. We have a family WhatsApp group, so the means of communication already exists and is in constant use. (In fact we also have sub-groups e.g. daughters, dogs, sons, plus couples and individual children and grandchildren.) During my recent medical episode it allowed the children to check up on me without any additional hype. People (of all ages) can have very busy lives, so I’m all for making communication as easy as possible.

Yesterday there were 7 posts on the main family group, but only 2 today so far, as well as an in-person meeting with one child and a FaceTime with another. It’s a very easy method of keeping in touch.

No madgran I am sure whatsap is fine of course, a good method to keep in touch (fir those who understand it.) and am glad you are in touch with your daughter.
A poster suggested texting an ac to prompt a reply and my point was that our very important and much loved children should not need prompting. You can't get a hug through a screen.

A poster suggested texting an ac to prompt a reply and my point was that our very important and much loved children should not need prompting

Ah right silverlining , sorry I thought your comment referred to the whatsapp group idea.

I would not need to text my family for them to call. I suggested a text may (prompt) a phone call as I don't know the OP. I also don't know how she gets on with her family. My idea may not be the the best but I meant well.

'Should not need prompting'. Oh dear.
I really think that some older people have no idea of the calls on their adult children's lives. I can't begin to explain how the advent of email placed huge pressure on anyone working in an office. There was a time when, about to leave the office, I saw that page 1 of at least 50 pages was coming through by fax. I could escape and dread the following morning. Now it all arrives instantly by email and the sender says they are waiting for a reply. The increased pressure is indescribable. But old people still think it's unfair if they haven't had a call.

Of course you meant well Redhead, none of us know peoples back story. Wasnt criticising [cake]