My daughter is distancing from me

Ffoxglove

Funny thing is she's not. I have a new partner....
I don't understand why she's fine from being needy to nothing.
Like she used to say good morning, good night and now nothing.
That was more her then me, I just can't figure out why.

I remember your dilemma with you new partner Ffoxglove

Did he ask you to marry him in the end and is your DD having some difficulties processing all these changes if you are not so dependent on her?
Perhaps she feels she's not your No 1 priority now and is having difficulty adjusting if you were very close.

It depends how old she is too and if she has a partner.
Friends are great but if she spends a lot of time alone she may be having difficulties.

I have backed off, but she told me about this event, I just asked if she'd reported it to bar staff I know she can look she's herself but doesn't stop me worrying that for example it's common to be injected in our city!

She is an adult, she knows how to manage a night out

You need to back off and trust she can take care of herself

I said re wassap when we were 4000 miles away in liked the fact I could see when she was last online, I know she was ok (without me messaging)
Only that, so I feel it's turned off to punish me caring, that's how it feels

MissAdventure

I think perhaps your daughter has realised a bit of distance is needed.

Other people love their children too, but it isn't necessary to rely on each other so much.
Possibly her panic attack has opened her eyes to this fact?

I wouldn't say I relied on her more her me and my partner.... Bit who knows.
She knows I worry about her safety, for example, she's single and out drinking in city centre. It's realistic like she said a guy plonked a drink in front of her said drink this, she didn't but of course but it worries me. I didn't tell her that!

If WhatsApp is used to track her, I can see her point.

It doesnt matter her friends are not close to their mothers, adults manage their relationships and I am sure your daughter does not pick her friends based on how they get along with their mothers

I am not sure what your daughter went through in the last 2 years so cannot comment there

Looks like she wants to be more independent

People do not change overnight, something was simmering in the background for a while before she took the leap

Redhead56

I know how you are feeling a panic attack or any mental illness can make someone withdraw. They are trying to understand what is happening and will question every possible cause. I have personal experience of something similar only recently. It is soul destroying to the person who experiences this and upsetting especially for parents.

Has she had blood tests ECG etc or been given medication. She would benefit having a counsellor a listening ear to help her understand her anxiety.

I would advise give your daughter space. Don’t put pressure on she is obviously scared of how she feels. Just let her know you are there for her no matter what. Give her time it will be upsetting for you but be strong she will get better.

Thank you
She's talked of being on a waiting list for talking therapy.
Also said I need it because of what we went through with her dad together only we understand.
I did have counseling but it didn't help.

I think perhaps your daughter has realised a bit of distance is needed.

Other people love their children too, but it isn't necessary to rely on each other so much.
Possibly her panic attack has opened her eyes to this fact?

I know how you are feeling a panic attack or any mental illness can make someone withdraw. They are trying to understand what is happening and will question every possible cause. I have personal experience of something similar only recently. It is soul destroying to the person who experiences this and upsetting especially for parents.

Has she had blood tests ECG etc or been given medication. She would benefit having a counsellor a listening ear to help her understand her anxiety.

I would advise give your daughter space. Don’t put pressure on she is obviously scared of how she feels. Just let her know you are there for her no matter what. Give her time it will be upsetting for you but be strong she will get better.

Hithere

Your comments indicate she may feel responsible for you

Give her time - relationships change and adapt to what both parties want

I think she felt relieved when I found my partner, like pressure taken off a couple of years ago so I don't know.

Your comments indicate she may feel responsible for you

Give her time - relationships change and adapt to what both parties want

She's turned off her wassap so I can't see when she was last online, says it's an infringement of her privacy.
She spent a day with friends last Sunday so must have been talking to them, things changed overnight. Hey friends aren't close to their mum's.
But....I have to say she has had so much support from myself and partner the last two years. Financial and emotional she says she couldn't have done what's she done without us, soon very a bit used too it's like I've got where I need to be now leave me.

Every single thing you post is about how much you care and how close you are, and it does some across as a bit obsessive (sorry, not meant to be nasty at all)

Very close could mean enmeshed - not saying it is your case.

Hithere

Maybe she realized the panic attack was not healthy?

I am sure there is so much background not written here that inputs in this situation

Possibly....but like I say are very close. So I thought. Talked each day. Then this last week nothing.
I felt very worthless to be honest, rejected. I haven't told her that of course.

Maybe she realized the panic attack was not healthy?

I am sure there is so much background not written here that inputs in this situation

It's strange because her panic attack happened when we were out of the country and she needed us...

I can understand her resenting you for caring so much- it may come across as smothering and infantilizing her

Hithere

Also when somebody reduces contact, it is to protect themselves, not to punish the other party

That's interesting...

Hithere

When a person changes his/her behaviour, there is a reason for it.

I am sure something happened that impacted her - sorry I cannot be of more help

Yes, I need to ask her why this is
I think she resents me for caring so much. Sounds daft but I do.
Like if she's away I like to touch base to know she's safe. But I think she resents that. I hate the fact it's just me and her because she feels that pressure but there's not much I can do about that.

Also when somebody reduces contact, it is to protect themselves, not to punish the other party

When a person changes his/her behaviour, there is a reason for it.

I am sure something happened that impacted her - sorry I cannot be of more help

She's estranged from her father. It was very difficult, I sacrificed so much for her and she appreciates that.
I don't understand why I'm being punished.

Funny thing is she's not. I have a new partner....
I don't understand why she's fine from being needy to nothing.
Like she used to say good morning, good night and now nothing.
That was more her then me, I just can't figure out why.

Maybe the divorce affected her and she is dealing with it?