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Don't want friend to come

(15 Posts)
Knittingnovice Sat 23-Apr-22 08:22:35

I sound horrible but a friend from one hobby group wants to join my other hobby group and I don't want her to. I've joined to make friends and meet new people, if she tags along I feel dynamic will change and stop me making new friends. I spend a lot of time with her already and feel possibly it's too much time.

I can't stop her joining and I don't think speaking to her is good idea as it will hurt her feelings. But I need to find way of managing my feelings.

I sound horrible and feel guilty writing this.

Curlywhirly Sat 23-Apr-22 08:29:28

There's not an awful lot you can do really - maybe try not to get seated together (not easy) so she has the opportunity to speak to other people?

DanniRae Sat 23-Apr-22 08:30:11

I understand exactly how you are feeling ...... please don't feel guilty. However, I am afraid I don't have any answers because it's such a difficult situation. Hopefully someone will come along soon and add a more helpful post than mine!

Knittingnovice Sat 23-Apr-22 08:34:31

Thanks curly whirly. I think it's because I really need to meet more people, it's hard to find things which fit in with my life too. I'm also feeling our friendship has gone as far as it can if that makes sense.

Grammaretto Sat 23-Apr-22 08:39:09

I wouldn't worry too much. She may find a new friend too .
The knitting group I'm in began with 3 of us and is now 20. People brought friends and now I hardly ever sit beside the same people. The dynamic has changed, but for the better.

PollyDolly Sat 23-Apr-22 08:39:27

Some people feel confident going to new places to meet new people and make new friends and some people just need someone in a new environment who they already know to give them the opportunity to meet new people - I hope that makes sense.
None of us have the monopoly on making friends and joining groups etc, we are all different in many ways.
by all means, take the friend along and encourage her to sit apart from you, after all, you are going to presumably learn new skills not just natter to old friends.
You wouldn't be much of a friend if you deliberately excluded her would you? Nor can you control who goes to which hobby group.
Just relax, go to the group and let her get seated first, then go and seat yourself somewhere else.

lemsip Sat 23-Apr-22 08:40:01

I would feel the same as you, you are not horrible!

Knittingnovice Sat 23-Apr-22 08:41:07

Thanks everybody.

Redhead56 Sat 23-Apr-22 08:41:35

Let your friend know before hand that you will not be at her side while there as you like to chat to others. Let her tag along to stop her curiosity she will obviously see you have made new friends there. She may mingle more away from you or she may decide it’s not for her. It’s not worth the stress is it and will just spoil your time there if you are stressing.

nadateturbe Sat 23-Apr-22 08:49:51

I agree with Redhead. Perhaps your friend will enjoy making new friends too.

Knittingnovice Sat 23-Apr-22 08:55:50

Thanks everybody. The nature of the hobby means you can get stuck with someone for a while. However I do need to manage my anxiety about it and some of you have provided positive ways of looking at the situation. I'm emotional and my heart sank when she told me.

J52 Sat 23-Apr-22 09:39:31

It one of those situations where you have to ask yourself how would you feel if you were the friend.
A good long standing friend and I joined a hobby together, some years ago. We have both made new friends and do different separate activities with them.
I think ( just my personal opinion) one needs to be generous in thoughts and deeds.

Pepper59 Sat 23-Apr-22 10:09:42

Yep, I think Redhead has the answer! Hope you both enjoy your new group.

lixy Sat 23-Apr-22 10:39:10

Good thinking Redhead.
Go together, introduce her to a couple of other people and then 'just need to slip to the loo' and chat with others when you get back.
Don't feel horrible about it yourself - you have two good groups of friends so don't let this spoil that for you.

snowberryZ Sat 23-Apr-22 10:47:20

Its a tough one as it definitely changes the dynamics of the group.