Gransnet forums

Relationships

Do bullies get karma?

(53 Posts)
Knittingnovice Fri 29-Apr-22 21:32:37

Hi, I've been bullied and know people who have been. There is a real impact on self confidence and victims move on, albeit slowly, to better things having suffered.

What happens to the bullies? Do they ever learn and grow or do they stay in the same pattern? Does karma, perhaps not the right word, ever happen to them? They seem to have support

Chewbacca Sat 30-Apr-22 12:51:33

Nothing hurts a bully more than being ignored

Absolutely this. I've found it fascinating to watch the different behaviours that a bully goes through in order to attract your attention again, and their pathetic crumbling when they're consistently blanked. As others have said, people do see them for what they are; sad, angry, and damaged in some way; if they didn't cause such harm, they'd deserve our pity. I'm not at all sure that they can learn from their actions and improve, rather than carrying on and causing more upset to others; I think that depends on what has caused them to be a bully in the first place - low self esteem, victim of bullying behaviours themselves, etc.

Smileless2012 Sat 30-Apr-22 12:57:28

Good post Chewbacca, I have to admit that I've felt guilty in the past when I've seen a bully, not being bullied but given a hard time, for not having any sympathy but knowing how much harm they've caused the guilt doesn't last long.

JaneJudge Sat 30-Apr-22 13:00:53

no I don't think they do get karma and I think they are completely oblivious to their own behaviour

they bully at school, work, home

Kate1949 Sat 30-Apr-22 13:04:10

Well this woman was horrible to me. Some if her gems were -
On a cold day - Her: ' I'm freezing.'
Me: 'Would you like to borrow my cardigan?'
Her: 'I'd rather freeze'.
When I filled the kettle so we could have a drink. She tipped the water out and filled it again.
I was a typist as was her daughter. She announced one day that her daughter was off work, finishing with 'Shes only a typist. They're nothing are they? No one will miss her'.
The tip of the iceberg.

JaneJudge Sat 30-Apr-22 13:05:00

did you punch her Kate? smile

snowberryZ Sat 30-Apr-22 13:05:16

Blossoming

In the case of my work bully people sucked up to her, and even joined in with her bullying, as they were afraid of being her next victim.

This too is my experiemce of most bullies.

Kate1949 Sat 30-Apr-22 13:07:23

If only I'd been brave enough Jane. Awful woman.

CoffeeFirst1 Wed 11-May-22 15:25:29

I’ve found that some bullies have so many friends that they are not always seen as the bully or if they are others are too worried about standing up to them.

As for karma, yes it does go around….but takes ages before it goes around and hits them in the face. Only wish I had been there to witness it, but at least they finally got their comeuppance!

M0nica Wed 11-May-22 15:46:52

I think it depends on how and why people bully, I have worked with some very successful people, who reached senior positions in big company because their ability and capacity to just overule and bully people who resisted them.
I once did a project at work with a senior manager, a very attractive, charming and pleasant man. We had one mind over what we were doing and worked very well together, but I was very conscious all the time that I would not want to disagree with him, because I could see what he would be really nasty if anyone opposed him.

He flourishes still and is a very wealthy man.

MissAdventure Wed 11-May-22 16:44:48

We had a new manager at my last proper job, whom everyone hated as a bully.

What actually happened is that she treated us all with equal disdain, and had no favourites; unlike the previous manager.

He allowed his favourites all kinds of behaviour and practices.

Having never been a favoured staff member, I preferred the new manager.

Elizabeth27 Wed 11-May-22 17:19:42

I do not believe bullies have a happy life, they tend to be bitter angry people so I suppose that is their karma.

M0nica Wed 11-May-22 19:36:09

It is a nice idea, Elizabeth27, but I have yet to see any evidence of bullies always getting their come-uppance. Nor any evidence that they are bitter angry people.

Kate1949 Wed 11-May-22 19:47:44

The woman who bullied me was a very bitter, angry person. Her two grown up children had given her a lot of trouble. One morning she came into work and said to a colleague 'My husband asked me last night if I loved him. I said yes of course'. What I really wanted to say was 'Love you? I can't stand being in the same room as you'.

M0nica Wed 11-May-22 21:47:15

Some bullies are bitter and nasty, some get their come uppance. Just not many.

Pepper59 Thu 12-May-22 09:11:56

I know one bully. They are now left with their other half. No one else wants to know. People they get to know, very quickly discover what they are like. Then move on. No one can be bothered with them and they seem like lonely, bitter people. I don't know if bullies do get 'Karma'. I knew one that went on to become a social worker! In my opinion they never change and do untold damage to other people.

MissAdventure Thu 12-May-22 09:28:47

I walked in on my workmates "having a laugh" at the expense of one of the people we were there to support.
There wasn't one I would have thought that would do that kind of thing.

Some had the grace to admit they were wrong, others felt affronted that I had been such a killjoy.

There is something insidious and deeply unpleasant about groups of people at times..

Witzend Thu 12-May-22 09:35:22

I do often wonder whether the very worst little* bully at my senior school ever went on to have children, who were themselves bullied.
That would be karma, if you like.

She *was little, too! So much nastiness in a small package. And she went on to be a primary teacher! ?. I have often thought of all the poor children who must have suffered under her.

Grandma2213 Fri 13-May-22 03:08:28

I wish there was Karma but I have never seen any examples of it. When I was 5 years old I was bullied by an older boy who once even pushed me into nettles and thistles. When I complained to my mother I was told to stick up for myself. The next day I stood on a chair and punched him in the face (I was quite tiny compared to him) and he lost a tooth. I was summoned to his parents' house with my mother and got into big trouble for bullying him! To be fair he stayed away from me after that! When I look back I think I was often bullied because I was so small but I took no notice and didn't react. I don't recall even being bothered by it. They soon gave up so now I can hardly remember any of the incidents.

Smileless2012 Fri 13-May-22 17:30:57

I agree with Elizabeth that for bullies their karma is their unhappiness. If you're generally happy with your life, why would you feel the need to make others lives miserable by bullying them?

Good for you Grandmasmile. How ridiculous that you were reprimanded for doing what your mum had told you to do, and stood up for yourself.

He may well have thought twice about bullying anyone else after that so not only did you help yourself, you probably helped others too.

M0nica Sat 14-May-22 15:11:54

Most bullies are generally happy with their lives and enjoy dominating and ordering people around. For others life is troubled and difficult for a short period, then things settled down.

I would hate to think that those who bullied me when young teenagers went on and had miserable lives because of this short period in their lives when they were rather nasty.

Puzzled Sun 15-May-22 18:42:07

A lot of bullies are really cowards.
Stand up to them and they back down; and keep away from you in future. You just need to let them know "Don't mess with me"
It takes time, but sometimes, "What goes around; comes around" The it is difficult not to be pleased when the bully gets what they deserve. OH is more forgiving than me and sometimes feels sorry for them Some you can help.others, NEVER

Puzzled Mon 30-May-22 18:48:08

Console yourself, that even if someone doesn't face down the bully, immediately, if you wait long enough "What goes around, comes around"
Or as someone else said, "Revenge is a dish best eaten cold"

Tangerine Wed 01-Jun-22 10:37:30

I think sometimes children who bully do not grow up to be bullies. It may depend on how much of a bully they are.

Children can often be very cruel. I can remember other children saying nasty things to me and I have said nasty things to other children when I was a child. I do not behave like that now and realise it was wrong.

People who continue to bully others in their adulthood probably don't change.

henetha Wed 01-Jun-22 10:42:52

I think most bullies must feel inadequate in some way and bullying is their way of coping. But that's no excuse and they will never be happy until they realise that and mend their ways.
There are a minority who just really enjoy hurting people simply for no reason at all, they were just born nasty.

Elisheva Tue 28-Jun-22 09:12:50

My sister was a terrible bully.

She’d get into cycles where she’s bullying other kids and then at some point she’d be turned on. This went on all through school. She also bullied my sister really badly throughout teen years

She is FULL of remorse and I’d say on some level really hates the way she’s behaved. So I imagine that’s not easy to live with