Dating younger man

DH was two years younger than me which seemed quite a big gap when we were in our early twenties. A few decades on of course it made no difference at all. A friend of mine was in her late forties when she started an affair with a chap in his twenties. After a few months he went off with a girl his own age, but she had a jolly good time while it lasted.

ShropshireMiss

Judy Finnigan is only seven or eight years older than her husband Richard Madeley. But when you photos of them out together they look like a middle-aged son escorting his mother, elderly aunt, or even grandmother. I wouldn’t like to end up like that, and it must be very embarrassing for Judy.

Judy's problem is in addition to the age difference, her reputed bad health shows in her face, not had any obvious cosmetic surgery, and Madeley has a maddeningly boyish face!

They do seem to have a happy marriage though.

We make a habit of marrying younger men in our family. My aunt was 11 years older than her husband. They were happily married for over 40 years. At a trivial level DM was three years older than DF DDiL is 2 years older than DS and I am a month older than DH.

So what?

Good on you mermaid I wish you well

Mermaid You have done the right thing. He showed you his true self and you took note, which is good. It's no one's fault, although you are obviously disappointed, but better not to be used for sex. You deserve much better.

My friends husband is 11 years younger.He was 19 when she met him and she left her husband and 2 kids to be with him. He dotes on her and in her 80s now they are very happy.

Don't feel silly Mermaid. You were both trying out the relationship to see how it went and unfortunately it didn't work out.
It isn't anyone's fault and it could actually be a good thing that your other friends didn't know about it as there's no embarrassment there

Judy Finnigan is only seven or eight years older than her husband Richard Madeley. But when you photos of them out together they look like a middle-aged son escorting his mother, elderly aunt, or even grandmother. I wouldn’t like to end up like that, and it must be very embarrassing for Judy.

Sorry to hear that but for what it’s worth better to know now than later. Silly thing us if it were reversed no one Would think anything of it.
Treat yourself to something nice and stop thinking you are stupid, you aren’t .

I have now spoken to him and he has admitted he cannot get his head around the age difference and the fact I will be drawing a pension this year - 9 years older is a big problem to him - so I have ended the relationship
- feeling pretty shattered and stupid right now wish I had listened to my gut instinct

TerriT yes it does matter to me and I think that’s whats been niggling away at me - I knew it wasn’t right and you are correct in what you say - I intend to take action and at least then I can walk away with my head held high rather than let things carry on and be used then dumped

I think how you are treated when out and socialising is the part that is indicative to me of what you mean to him. I feel you are being used and I suggest you think through whether this matters to you.

Thanks for all the good advice this has really helped me see things more clearly - I need to clear the air and just raise the subject next time I see him - there is sex involved and I have wondered if I’m just being used here - if I’m not happy with his response then I think I just need to cut my losses and walk away

When I met my husband over 30 years ago, we soon discovered that I am 7 years older than he is.

I can see that I look older than he does now but we are happy together.

I think, if I was you, I would just enjoy his company but not expect anything serious and don't spoil it by putting pressure on him. It's early days.

It seems to me that he's very conscious of the age difference and doesn't want to show you off. He should be thrilled with you. If he's not, be wary, especially if you're sleeping together, in which case he's using you.

9 Years is nothing.

A friend who had a lousy husband and finally left met a man some years later who is 16 years her junior. He treats her like a Queen and they are so happy together. His mother wasn't very pleased as no chance of any grandchildren.

Another friend married a man 8 years younger and again that worked.

You need to have a chat with him.

Good luck.

A few things.

Two months. This hardly counts as dating. You're seeing him regularly is all.

He could be embarrassed about the age difference. As others have said, if he were older, no one would think anything of it, but an older woman and people aren't forgiving.

Maybe he doesn't see this as a potential relationship. Maybe it's an extension of friendship to him. Men can see sex differently to women. Not that you've implied that is involved, but if it is...

I would keep him at arm's length. Switch your thinking of him to seeing it as a friendship. That way you get to enjoy his company etc, but hopefully won't get hurt. Be strict with yourself though.

Maybe he really is just seeing how things go and hasn't got there yet.

You've been seeing each other for about 8 weeks? It's early days yet and you walked away at the beginning.

He rings and texts every day. He's probably just not very demonstrative - many men aren't (many women aren't, either). Why do you need to validate his feelings for you? Insecure about the age difference?

A friend of mine has been with her partner for over 40 years. He is 17 years younger than her. It works for them.
Two months isn’t long but you should have a conversation as it’s obviously bothering you.

I'm with the others here...if there is a real connection the age gap shouldn't matter at all. I would be deeply upset if my partner hadn't acknowledged our relationship to others and would have questioned why... especially if it was ok to hold hands etc when not around people he knows. My partner is 16 years younger than me... We've been together for 3 wonderful years. When he told his parents about the age difference..his Father said...age is just a number!!! and that's how it should be. I think you should have a frank conversation with him...and if there is no change afterwards then don't waste anymore time and energy on him .. Walk away and find someone who will be proud to hold your hand at every available opportunity. Good Luck.

Hmmm, the difference in age doesn't matter a jot ( in my view ) but what does matter a jot is all this evident lack of making it known to whoever that you are in a relationship and what valid reason could there be for him not adding you to his Facebook account!! Now all that would set my radar off.

Two months isn’t very long. Give him a chance to get his head round a new relationship, especially if it’s a change from how you two were before in the social group you mention.

silverlining48

If this were reversed and the man 9 years older would anyone comment? No they wouldn’t.
I would be concerned that he doesn’t acknowledge a relationship when in company.
Speak to him.

My thoughts exactly.Speak to him and clear the air .